Episode 55, originally published 28-Jul-97

Stalks and Blondes

It's a midsummer party at the Newman Ranch. Cassie is wandering around unattended when she spies a carrot on one of the serving tables. But just as she approaches the table, Sharon grabs the carrot and starts gnawing on it. Cassie sighs and Sharon sees the sigh. "What's the matter Cassie?" she asks. "Oh, I know--I bet you wanted something to eat. Well, I've got something for you--look!" she says pointing to a big chocolate cake on the next table. "Thank you, Sharon," Cassie says with only an inward sigh. "Sharon's hosting the party--I wouldn't want her to think I was any trouble," the little girl says to herself.

Danny is pacing around his apartment furious with Phyllis for having lied all this time about his son. Joani enters, and asks, "Gosh, Mr. Romalotti, you seem really upset. Is there anything I can do?" "Yes, Joani, there is, actually... You can find me a good divorce lawyer." Joani reaches into her back pocket and pulls out a worn and slightly torn piece of paper. "Uh, I just happened to have such a list... sorry it's a little torn--I made it up for you kind of a long time ago--I can't believe how long it's taken you to see through all of Phyllis's little plots." Danny looks at the paper. "Uh, gee, Joani--I was actually just kidding, but this was really nice of you to do." Joani blushes. "Oh--you're not going to divorce your wife?" "No... I am going to do that... but I'm sure Cricket will want to handle the case." Joani sighs with relief... "Ok, Mr. Romalotti..." "Joani, will you stop calling me that? Pretty soon we'll be living here all alone in this house and I don't want you calling me that!" Joani takes Danny by surprise, grabbing both arms with her fingernails and pulling them just slightly behind his back. She grabs his earlobe slightly with her mouth and whispers in her best sultry voice, "What would you like me to call you?" Then she spins him around, letting his arms go. He looks dizzy, and not just from the spinning. "Wow," he says. "You can call me anything you want, just don't call me late for bedtime!" She giggles at him and goes skipping down the hall.

Once again Cassie is roaming the party and spies a lone banana on a far table. But as she moves toward it, Grace swoops in and grabs it, and starts to peel it. "Hi, Cassie," Grace says. "Are you having fun at the party?" Cassie nods her head way up and down. "I like this ranch. It feels very much like home to me. But if you'll excuse me, I was looking for some food." Grace downs the banana as Cassie speaks and looks around. "Look at this!" Grace says, pointing to another table. "It's the pizza table. I bet you'd just love another piece of pizza, wouldn't you?"

Cassie awakens on the couch at Grace's shaking, sweating, and flailing her hands about her. "Why won't you give it to me?" she mutters. "I see it all the time but you never give me any..." Grace sits beside her and tries to calm her. "It's ok, Cassie. Everything is ok. You're just having a bad dream...." "A dream? Is that all it was?" Cassie says, surprised. "Sure," says Grace. "Don't you remember laying down after dinner?" She points to a nearby pizza box. "Tony, do we have any chocolate donuts left? I think our little princess needs to be calmed down..." "It wasn't a dream," Cassie says suddenly. "It was too real!" "Well, why don't you tell us all about it and we'll see if we can help you understand your dream. Sometimes the symbols in dreams are hard for little girls to understand..."

The doorbell rings at the Romalottis and Joani yells "Just a minute." A moment later she swings open the door and Malcolm bursts in, saying "Phyllis, I am in a real bind here, a model cancelled and--" he sees it isn't Phyllis. He stops. "You're not Phyllis." Joani laughs, never having been previously confused with her. "No, I'm not. Actually, Phyllis has gone out--I'm not sure if or when to expect her back. She and Danny had a kind of fight." "Say, I know you--you're the one that's always taking care of their little boy for them." "That's right. I'm Joani." Malcolm sizes her up. "Look, just forget I came here looking for Phyllis because I'm thinking you're looking mighty fine yourself. I'm Malcolm--Malcolm Winters--I have a photography studio near here. I was thinking, maybe you could come model for me." "Me? A model?" "Well, it's not very hard really--not when a body's as easy on the eyes as yours is there, girl. You just kinda smile and flip your hair this way and that and then Malcolm here pays you a big fat check..." "Sounds fun. Seems like ever since I divorced my husband, I don't get out much any more. But I do have little Daniel here to take care of." "Not to worry--bring the little guy along. I'll give him a camera to play with while you're under the bright lights." "Well, ok, sure! Why not? It's about time I got some exposure around here," she says.

Cassie tells Grace about the dream. "It was all about fruits and vegetables. First there were the cucumbers, then the zucchinis, then carrots, then I think it was bananas. They were always just out of reach. And every time I would try to get close to one, someone would serve me a donut or pizza instead." Grace gets a worried look on her face but tries to hide it. "Well, Cassie," she says, "sometimes little girls want to grow up just a little too fast. These things in your dreams--cucumbers and carrots and things--they symbolize adult things..." "They do?" "Things you're not old enough to have..." "I'm not? But I thought they were just food." "Well, they ARE food. But they're also symbols. Now, we don't have a lot of fruits and vegetables around here, so your mind has chosen them to represent `things little girls can't have', do you see?" Cassie nods. "Why do `cucumbers and bananas' have to represent things I can't have. Why can't they just BE things I can't have?" "That's just not how dreams work, Cassie. Dreams are where we express our fantasies. Our lusts. No one would lust over vegetables and fruits, I assure you. Your mind is wanting something else--something you can't have at your age. Anyway, you should just relax and don't worry about the dream. Here's a nice chocolate donut for you to eat to calm you right down."

Trisha sits at the bar and Jay walks up. "You're looking pretty down there," he says. "How about a super-double-mochaccino to cheer you up?" "I'm afraid it's beyond that point," Trisha says with a sigh. Jay gives her a sympathetic laugh. "Well, I have a friend that sells illegal handguns--maybe that's more your speed?" he says. "You're joking, right?" she says. "Yes and no. I wasn't suggesting you should go buy a handgun, but I do have a friend that deals in all kinds of specialized things like that." "I guess such friends can be useful at times," she says nodding. Vinnie enters sporting a black leather jacket and sits beside Trisha. "Well, well, well," he says, giving her a visual once-over. "Speak of the devil," Jay says. "This is my friend Vinnie--he's sort of an all-purpose facilitator, you might say." Vinnie nods politely to Trisha. "And this is Trisha Dennison," Jay says to Vinnie. She forces a momentary smile. "You're looking a little down there, hon. Say, Jay--a couple of super-double-mochacinnos for me and my friend. We'll be over at that booth," Vinnie says, pointing to a booth in the corner away from things. "Uh, she's not interested in--" Jay starts to protest. "No, it's ok. It sounds suddenly like just the thing," Trisha says, breaking into an almost smile. Jay shrugs and says "Ok, a coupla super-doubles coming your way momentarily..."

Grace goes into the kitchen where Tony is. "Tony! What am I going to do? Cassie is starting to have dreams about sex!" "I'm tellin' ya Gracie, ya gotta give her to Sharon. Let Sharon handle it." "Are you out of your mind? It's bad enough with Sharon over there lusting after Nick all the time--" "Nick is her husband, of course she's going to be lusting after him." "--without having Cassie there, too." "Cassie is a little girl. You think Newman likes little girls?" "Nooo, Tony. But he could ... get confused." "Oh, yeah, right. Like a guy could really get confused about something like that. Sure..." "It COULD happen, Tony. You don't know Nick the way I do... Anyway, I am not giving Cassie back. And from now on, I don't want anything around the house that could be confused with--with--" "With cucumbers and bananas and carrots things..." Tony says helpfully. "Exactly," says Grace.

Vinnie sits with Trisha in a secluded booth. Jay comes by and sets two drinks on the table for them and they sip as they talk. "So what kinds of things do you ... facilitate?" Trisha asks. "Most things. I'm a pretty capable guy," Vinnie says proudly. "What do you have in mind?" She looks around to see if anyone is listening. Still uncertain, she motions him to lean forward and she whispers something in his ear. He raises an eyebrow in surprise and thinks for a moment. "Yeah, I could do that. It'll take a bit of--" "Money?" she says. "Perhaps you didn't catch my name. I'm Trish Dennison. Daughter of Keith Dennison--of Dennison Vanguard industries? Perhaps you've heard of them?" "Heard of them? This is one of their jackets!" he says proudly. "Oh, right!" she says. "Anyway, money is not an object--I'm one of the idle rich, you know. Discretion is what I need--lots of discretion." He nods. "Very understandable. Now, here's the deal. I'll set up the sale, but I'm not involved--ok? I just facilitate it--for a small fee. That way, if anything blows up, I'm outa the loop. You're on your own, ok?" She nods and starts to offer some money to him, but he shakes his head. "I trust you for the money. We'll handle that another time. For now, let me make sure I can hold up my end of the bargain and get you connected up... I'll be in touch."

That evening, Grace sits with Nick in her living room. Tony has gone out and Cassie has apparently gone back to sleep. They are intently discussing (what else?) their night of passion together. Nick, still very confused, asks, "What exactly are you accusing ME of, Grace?" Grace thinks hard and comes up with the most outlandish lie she can. "Nick, isn't it just POSSIBLE that maybe your having sex with me was more than just an accident. That maybe you WANTED to have sex with me." Nick is taken aback. He eyes Grace up and down and then bursts into a howling laughter. "Nick? Nick, what is it?" Grace asks. Nick cannot stop laughing... As he continues to howl, he barely manages to get out the words "You think *I* wanted ..." but he cannot get more words out because he is too hysterical.

Trisha stands in a dark alley, wearing a black leather jacket of her own. It is late at night. Someone comes running into the alley and looks both ways. "You're T.D.?" "I am. Do you have what I asked for?" He nods and holds out a small bag. "Where's the money?" he asks. "Hold on a second--let's not hurry into this. First, tell me how it works." "Ok. Any one of these pills poured into a drink. A few minutes later... bang." "And it can't be traced?" "Once it's in the bloodstream, it changes in ways that makes it nearly impossible to pick out even if you know what you're looking for. Nah, it's not traceable." "OK, let's do it," she says. She pulls out a checkbook and he frowns at her. "Uh, CASH." "It's ok--I just hid it in here--you never know what kind of unsavory crowd you're going to run into in this neighborhood, you know what I mean?" she says, pulling a $500 bill from the checkbook and handing it to the man. "Oh, I do indeed--I do indeed," he says. "Why just this evening, there was this woman who wanted to murder--" She hands him an extra $100. "Or maybe it was last night..." She hands him another $100. "No, I must have been mistaken. I can't think of any shady characters in this neighborhood." "Good," she says smiling an evil smile. The man turns and starts to walk away. Then she pulls out a gun with a silencer and shoots him. "Sorry about that," she says. "I can't afford any witnesses." She removes the money from the pocket of the still body and stands for a minute watching blood trickle from him.

Back at Grace's, Nick is still roaring with laughter. "Nick? It WAS possible you know. I mean, it could have been. I mean, ... you don't have to be so ... blunt ... about it... I do get your point." Nick continues laughing.

Cassie enters the dining room from the bedroom to find Nick still laughing. "Nick's been laughing for a really long time. Is he ok?" Grace sighs. "Yes, Cassie, Nick is fine. He just saw something he thought was really funny and he hasn't calmed down yet." "What?" Cassie says excitedly. Nick points at Grace. Grace sighs and storms out to the bedroom. Cassie shakes her head at Nick. "That wasn't very nice," she says to Nick. "Huh?" Nick says, calming down. "Laughing at Grace that way. Millie taught me never to laugh at people--it's not nice. If necessary, you should leave the room rather than laughing in someone's face." They sit silently. Then Cassie says "But I know what you mean. I think she's funny looking, too. That's why I tell her I have to go to sleep so much... I don't want to stay and embarrass her. So I tell her I have to go to bed. Maybe you should do that, too?" Nick looks at the little girl, confused. "Huh? Should do what?" "Instead of laughing at her, you should tell her you want to go to bed..." Nick starts laughing again. Grace walks back in--"I thought he stopped, but I see he started again." Cassie nods. "We were talking about you, and about going to bed, and then he just started laughing again..."

The next day, Nina is at the weight room overworking herself in a plan to lose weight needlessly for Ryan just because Jill thinks it will make things somehow better. Suddenly, Nina has a heart attack and falls over. Jill, who has been lurking nearby to make sure Nina really follows through on the exercise rushes over and yells "Somebody call 9-1-1." There is a flurry of activity. Jill kneels down and shakes Nina violently, "Come on, Nina. Hang in there. Oh, I tried to tell you something bad would happen to you if you didn't improve your health..."

At a pay phone across the street from the health club, Trisha watches the goings-on inside through a picture window. She calls Ryan, "Ryan, it's me, Trisha. I was wondering if maybe you wanted to do lunch..." "I don't think that's such a good idea, Trisha. Besides, I was planning to eat lunch with Nina..." "But--but--I heard Nina was going to have to cancel lunch today." "You did? Where did you hear--uh, hang on a sec, my other phone's ringing." Trisha gets a smug smile on her face and waits a few moments for Ryan to return. Finally he does. "Trisha, my wife's being taken to the hospital, I have to go be with her..." He hangs up. Trisha screams aloud. "No! I can't believe it Ryan. She's probably dead or dying--she CAN'T eat lunch with you, but *I* can. And you still want to be with her instead of me? Oh, Ryan, you said you were my pal--how could you hurt a pal this way?...." She collapses in a sea of sobbing. Suddenly, her cell phone rings and she picks it up excitedly. "Hello?" "Hi, Trisha--it's Alec." "Oh, hi," she says with obvious disappointment. "You don't sound to good--I guess lunch is out?" "I'm afraid so, Alec. I'm afraid I've got a... a real killer headache!"

That's all for this episode. Hope you learned something. Don't miss Episode 56!
If you missed any older episodes, see the index.

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