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Moral
Date: 24 Jul 1997 23:51:51 -0400
From: pitman@anotherwayout.com (Kent M Pitman)
Newsgroups: rec.arts.tv.soaps.cbs
Subject: Y&R: AWO#54: "Bird's I"
Message-ID: <sfwwwmf4wmg.fsf@world.std.com>
INSIDE... * When Bug and Bird butt heads, whose chirp will win out?
* Is Phyllis cagey enough to beat the Bug at her own game?
* Will the Bug's plans to free Danny fly, or lay an egg?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
ANOTHER WAY OUT, Episode 54, 25-Jul-97 by Kent Pitman (kmp@harlequin.com)
"Bird's I"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Michael, I need someone to represent me in my divorce case," Phyllis says to
Michael over a cup of bad coffee at the nearby diner. "Your divorce? I
thought you two were happily married." "We were, but then that damned bug--"
Michael understands immediately. He raises a hand as if to say "Stop. Don't
go there." "I understand," he says. "You do?" "I do indeed. And I can't
tell you what I'd give to represent you. But there's the small matter of the
felony conviction against me--I'm not allowed to represent clients." "In a
divorce?" "For anything. In the eyes of the law, I'm not a lawyer and never
will be." "This has to do with Christine, doesn't it." "You catch on
quickly," he says with a sad smile. "If only I could teach you to--wait a
minute, I have an idea." He thinks for a moment. "Yes, I've got it!"
In the courtroom, a few days later, Cricket is sitting with Danny at the
plaintiff's table. Phyllis enters and walks to the respondant's table. Court
is not yet in session, so Danny gets up to talk to Phyllis. "Thanks for not
making a million excuses to put this off," Danny says. Phyllis smiles
awkwardly. "Well, Danny, you know I don't WANT to divorce you--BUT I don't
want to hold up a decision on procedural grounds, either. It seemed best to
just roll the dice and see what happens." Someone yells "All rise" as the
Judge enters. Phyllis stands conspicuously alone at her table.
Everyone takes a seat in the courtroom. Cut away to Michael who is talking
through a microphone and watching a video screen which shows a sort of home
movie view of the courtroom. Phyllis presses her hand against her ear on the
side away from Danny and Cricket. "Now, just relax," Michael says through the
microphone. "Don't want to spoil the surprise we have in store for little
Miss Cricket, now do we?" Phyllis shakes her head and smiles. "Now do it
just the way we rehearsed it--and don't get worried--I'm here to help you."
The Judge looks to Danny's table. "Mr. Romalotti, I see you'll be represented
by Ms. Williams." "That's right, Your Honor," Danny confirms. "And Mrs.
Romalotti, ..." "I'll be representing myself, if Your Honor please." Cricket
stands and starts to object, "Your Honor, you know the old saying, a
person who represents herself has a fool for a lawyer." In the other room,
Michael starts to speak, "I think it's the other way..." and in the courtroom
we hear his words being repeated by Phyllis "around, your honor. But perhaps
Ms. Williams just isn't up to the task of matching wits with a fool... might
be pretty embarrassing if she loses." The judge breaks in, "That's enough,
both of you. You will address the court, not each other. Now, Mrs. Romalotti,
it is your right to waive counsel if you so desire, but I must recommend that
you think seriously about this. You could miss out on valuable assistance."
"I apologize for the outburst, Your Honor, and I'll take my chances against
Ms. Law School Correspondence Course over there, thank you. I love my husband
and I'm confident this proceeding will bring that out." "Very well, let's
proceed. Plaintiff call your first witness."
Cricket rises and says, "Plaintiff calls the prominent World Inquisitor staff
writer--" Phyllis chimes in, "Objection. `prominent?' Assumes facts not in
evidence." Cricket is taken aback and looks to the judge, slightly
aggravated. "Sustained." Cricket gives the judge a "give me a break" look
with her eyes, as Michael whispers to Phyllis, "That's great. Keep her off
balance." Cricket says "Plaintiff calls World Inquisitor staff--" Again
Phyllis breaks in, "Actually, if the purpose of this witness is to establish
that I lied to my husband about the paternity of my child, that word got
around, and that eventually my lie caught up to me, I'll stipulate to that."
Cricket stops, blinks, and says, "That was my intent, your honor." "Well,
it's been neatly disposed of," says the Judge. "Now move along." "Plaintiff
calls Dr. Joshua Lan--" Phyllis breaks in again. "If the purpose of calling
this witness is to establish that I got a little overeager in telling my
husband that I was already pregnant with a second child for him, I'll
stipulate to that." Cricket turns to the judge. "Judge, she's undercutting
my whole case." The Judge looks back at Cricket. "Seems to me she's just
trying to speed things along." "Yes, Judge, but the empathy that would be
established by having these people on the stand is lost when she just
stipulates like that." "Do you need a recess to compose yourself, Ms.
Williams?" "No, your honor, I'll continue," she says, glaring at Phyllis.
"Plaintiff calls Danny Romalotti."
Danny swears in and takes the stand. "You and I were married once, isn't that
right?" He nods, "Yes." "And we were very much in love, wouldn't you say?"
"Yes." "In fact, wouldn't you say that it was the marriage of a lifetime?"
Phyllis stands and grumps "Objection. She's leading the witness, Your Honor."
The Judge nods. "Sustained." "Withdrawn," says Christine with a sigh. "But
it was a damned good marriage," Cricket says. "Objection! Now she's
testifying, your honor." "Sustained. Ms. Williams, I don't want to have to
warn you again. Your obsession with your ex-husband is well-known throughout
Genoa City... it doesn't surprise me you wanted to represent him. But leave
your daydreams about him at the door or I will have you cited for contempt."
"Yes, Your Honor," she says reluctantly. Cricket turns back to Danny, "Until
a few days ago, isn't it true that you thought were very in love with your
wife and that you had a wonderful little child you loved, as well?" "That's
right." "But something changed, didn't it?" "Yes." "What happened?" "I
found out it had all been a lie. It wasn't my son that I loved. And Phyllis,
she wasn't the woman that I thought she was. It was all a lie..." "No more
questions," Christine says. Danny looks expectantly to Phyllis. "No
questions," she says. "Your honor, the plaintiff rests," Cricket says.
The Judge looks to Phyllis. "Do you wish to call any witnesses?" "I do,"
Phyllis says. "I call Katherine Chancellor Sterling." Katherine enters and
is sworn. "Katherine Chancellor Sterling," Phyllis repeats. "But that's not
your real name is it?" "It most certainly is." "But Sterling? That's not
your name..." "It was my husband's." "Your husband? The father of Danny
Romalotti?" "Yes, that's right," Katherine says. "Isn't it customary in the
US for a young man to take the name of his father?" Phyllis asks. "And he did"
"So why is Danny Romalotti not Danny Sterling?" "It's something of a long
story. When we first met, he pretended to have the name Sterling... and after
a while, I took him to be that man." "He lied to you then." "At first.
Yes." "And the lie came out." "Yes, it did." "But that didn't keep you from
having a wonderful marriage, did it?" Katherine takes out a tissue to wipe a
tear from her eye. "No, it did not. A wonderful marriage indeed. What a
man--or woman--is about is not about their past and how they got there. It's
about what they have in the moment--about their love for each other, the time
they spend, the things they build." "And as Danny's mother, what would be
your advice to Danny--" Cricket stands and objects, "Objection. Ms. Sterling
is NOT Danny's mother." Danny glares at Cricket and says, "I object to the
objection, Your Honor. I think of Katherine as my mother!" The judge bangs a
gavel, and Michael's voice is heard over the headphones. "Good, good. We can
really use that little outburst." "Order, please. Rephrase the question."
"Mrs. Sterling, do you have any advice for Danny." "My advice? My advice is
that he follow his heart. If Danny thinks Daniel is his son, that is the
reality of the matter. Certainly Daniel thinks Danny is his father, and I see
no reason for that to change." "Thank you, Mrs. Chancellor." She looks to
Cricket, who starts to rise and then sighs. "No questions."
"I call Dr. Timothy Reid," Phyllis says. He rises and is sworn in. She opens
her purse and pulls out a black box about the size of a video tape. He mops
his brow worriedly. She opens the box to reveal a makeup mirror and powders
her nose momentarily, then winks at Tim, who is again wiping his brow. "My
goodness, Doctor, relax. This won't hurt a bit," she giggles. "Now, you
testified at our earlier divorce hearing, didn't you?" He nods. "I did."
"And when you did, you said there was no chance Danny could ever love me,
didn't you?" "Objection!" Cricket says. "I have reason to believe that Dr.
Reid's testimony in the earlier trial was coerced." The Judge looks to Dr.
Reid. "Is there any evidence to support this woman's claim?" Dr. Reid looks
nervously to Phyllis and then to Cricket. "No, Your Honor. Her claim is
without foundation. I made a report in that case in which I went out on a
limb and said that it seemed possible for them to get back together. Later I
worried that that might have been just a flight of fancy and I tried to
withdraw the report. But it doesn't matter anyway, because the facts of the
case are that my first report was proved correct--there was a chance, and the
Romalottis did reconcile, even when no one expected it." "Objection
overruled, Ms. Williams. Please confine your objections to those for which
there is foundation; this is a court of law and your remarks are made for the
record--you don't want to risk a slander charge against you by this witness."
Cricket fumes.
"So it's your professional opinion that Danny would be wrong to give up on me
at this point?" "I'm afraid it is," Dr. Tim says. "That will be all." "A
question on cross if you don't mind," Cricket says. "Dr. Reid, are you not
in fact in love with Phyllis yourself?" "I ... have... had ... feelings for
her. But she has made it clear that--" "That's all. Thank you," Cricket
says. "I'd like to ask a rebuttal question if you don't mind," Phyllis says.
"How does she know about all this procedural stuff?" Danny whispers to
Cricket. "I don't know, she must have watched a lot of Perry Mason, I guess,"
Cricket says back. "Dr. Reid," Phyllis says, "When you have approached me
about your -- affections -- what has been the consistent reason for my holding
you at bay?" "That you were still in love with Danny," Tim answers. "Thank
you. That will be all." The judge looks to Cricket, who shakes her head to
indicate "nothing further".
"I call Danny Romalotti," Phyllis says. There's a gasp around the courtroom
and Danny comes to the stand. "Danny, we were very much in love, wouldn't you
say?" "Yes, I'd have to say we were," Danny says. "And wouldn't you say that
it was the marriage of a lifetime?" "Objection," says Christine. "I asked
the same question and you ruled it leading." Phyllis smiles sweetly and says
to the Judge, "Judge, would you be willing to let me treat the witness as
hostile for just a little bit?" Danny looks to Phyllis. "I resent that! I
am not hostile!" Phyllis smiles at Danny. "It's a term of art, sweetie.
Don't take it personally." The judge nods. "I'll allow it. You may lead the
witness." "It was the marriage of a lifetime, then, wasn't it Danny?" Danny
nods. "In many ways, yes it was. Until recently." "And the sex? It was
better than anything you'd ever had, wasn't it." In the microphone, Michael
says, "Chris is such a tease--I'm just sure she never really put out." "Yes,
yes, the sex was better--I'd have to say that." Chris gasps! "Your Honor, I
object." "On what grounds, Counsel?" "I don't know! I just object."
"Overruled. Please try to contain yourself. Go ahead, Mrs. Romalotti."
"Now, Danny," says Phyllis. "You once married a Tracy Abbott, is that right?"
"It is." "Why did you do that?" "She had gotten pregnant. I didn't want her
son to be brought into this world without a father." "But you didn't father
that child, did you?" "No." "So it was all going to be a lie to that child,
wasn't it?" "I guess so, but--" "That's ok, just answer the questions I put
to you. So a lie that holds a family together or helps keep people happy is
sometimes ok..." "Sometimes, yes." "If it's meant well?" "Yeah, I guess you
could say that." "What happened to that marriage?" "Tracy lost the baby, and
we let the marriage go." "Because you lost interest in her?" "No. I never
had any interest in her--it was just the right thing to do. For the child's
sake. But then there was no child, so..."
Phyllis goes on with questioning Danny. "Now you knew when you married me--the
second time--that my past was pretty fishy, didn't you?" "I did." "But you
agreed to let the past be the past and to move ahead into the future."
"That's right." "And is there anything I did in the present other than try to
bring you happiness and try to keep your trusty lawyer there from interfering
in my life?" "No, I can't say there is." "Two last questions, and I'd like
you to look into Katherine Chancellor's eyes--the woman you called your
mother--" "Objection! She's not his mother!" Cricket says. "But he did call
her that," Phyllis says to the Judge. "Overruled." "I'd like you to look
into the eyes of the woman you called your mother and answer these questions
now: Is blood really what matters in making a family?" "No. No, I can't say
that it is." "And can people get past a lie and still build something
beautiful if they really try?" "I guess they can." "That's all." Cricket is
still fuming.
The Judge looks to Phyllis. "I'm ready to rule if you want." "I have one
last witness, Your Honor." "Ok..." "I call the plaintiff's lawyer, Christine
Romalotti." "I object!" Christine starts to say, but the Judge stares her
down. "Oh, never mind," Christine says, resigned. She is sworn in. "You're
not still married to Danny, are you?" Phyllis asks. "No." "Because as much
time as you spend thinking about him, it'd be easy to get confused now
wouldn't it?" "Objection!" Cricket says. "She's leading me." "As well she
should," the Judge says. "If ever I saw a textbook case of a hostile witness,
Ms. Williams, it would be you." "Ms. Williams, you're the godmother of
little Daniel, aren't you?" "I am." "And in accepting that role, you swore
you'd do what's good for him." "I did." "You don't like me, do you, Ms.
Williams?" "No, I don't." "You don't trust me, do you?" "No." "But you do
like Danny." "Yes." "If Danny and I divorce, do you expect he'll want to
raise little Daniel?" "It's not his son." "So you expect Daniel will spend
more time with me?" "That's right." "Someone you don't like." "That's
right." "And you call that a good faith attempt to carry through on your
promise as a godmother? Arranging for someone to take care of Daniel who you
don't like or trust?" "My oath of allegiance to Danny is stronger." "The one
that caused you to divorce him?" "Objection! Argumentative," Cricket says.
"Withdrawn," says Phyllis. "Nothing further from Danny's fairweather friend
here, Your Honor. The respondant rests."
The judge looks around the court. "I'm prepared to rule immediately on the
petition for divorce." She looks around and sees no objection--just waiting
eyes. "I see considerable evidence that this marriage is in a turmoil, but
also considerable evidence that all parties have a demonstrated ability to
weather the storm. I rule that the petition be denied at this time, and that
the Romalottis should appear back here in six months time to review their
situation." The judge slams the gavel and the court is adjourned. Phyllis
runs to hug Danny as Cricket is saying to him, "Danny, this is very
embarrassing--I'm sure we'll win on appeal." "No," Danny says to her. "I
don't want to appeal this. Phyllis made quite a case for why I should give
this marriage a better chance--it's time I gave that some thought." Cricket
sputters some more as Paul and Mary tug on her arm and try to usher her away.
"You were quite the lawyer there," Danny says to Phyllis. "Are you kidding?
When it comes to defending my marriage--I can do anything, Danny. I love you.
Don't you get it by now?" "I'm starting to," Danny says. "Hey, what's this
in your ear--some kind of Bug." Phyllis laughs. "Not a bug, Danny. An
Anti-Bug. Just kind of a good luck charm to help me get through the day."
She puts the device back in her purse.
Michael emerges from a nearby room just as Christine is walking down the hall.
"Christine! Oh, I forgot you were going to be arguing that case today or I
would have stayed away. Sorry! I assume the case went ok? I heard the other
side wasn't even using a lawyer--bet that was a piece of cake, huh? What kind
of idiot would it take to screw up a case with no lawyer on the other side?"
Cricket makes a move like she wants to scratch his eyes out, but Paul and Mary
make a wall between them and continue to hurry her down the hallway. Michael
turns away and smiles. "Michael," he says to himself, "you may not be a
lawyer any more, but you can still win those cases!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Copyright 1997 Kent M. Pitman. All Rights Reserved.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Another Way Out" takes plotline state at time of publication and shows that
there are interesting places right around the corner. The goal, besides
having some fun with good-natured parody, is to challenge the notion that we
must be mired in certain tired plotlines for months just to have a good time.
There is always another way out...
Archives of this and older episodes of "Another Way Out"
as well as the more serious "morals" that underly them,
can be found at: http://world.std.com/~pitman/awo/index.html
Don't forget to try the "character index" and "ratings index"!