Episode 128, originally published 04-Jun-99

Jump Start

Will Cassie jump at an opportunity she is presented?
Will Ryan jump on Vikki for her latest suggestion?
Will Chet jump to a faulty conclusion about Victor and Ramona?

It's the morning after Michael has finally slept with Grace. Alice pokes her head nervously into Michael's office. "Come on in, Alice," Michael says. "We need to talk." "Uh, oh," Alice says, "that never means anything good." "No, this is good. Let me explain. You see, it's like this. I know this lawyer who's twice as good as me and I'm thinking I might hand the case over to him." "Twice as good?" Alice repeats in a tone of obvious doubt. "I somehow doubt that. Or at least I doubt that you would think so. Cut through the BS, Michael. This is about money, isn't it?" Michael shakes his head earnestly. "It's not about money--honest!" he assures her. "Ok, then it's about sex. And I bet I know who with. Probably that Grace person who took my Cassie. I'm right, aren't I?" Michael says nothing. "I'll take that for a `yes'. But I'm not prepared to lose this case, Michael. Get me some makeup and a hair stylist and I bet I could be her twin. And on my worst day I can give you sex at least as good as anything she can. So you just get her on her cell phone and tell her it's over--right now, mister. Got that? Because I am NOT changing lawyers now. Not when I'm just about to win..." Michael picks up the phone and says, "Hello, Grace?"

Nick and Sharon are in their dining room talking to Cricket about the case. "How's Cassie doing?" Cricket asks. "She's been pretty sad. I think she thinks she told Ted something she shouldn't--like maybe that Nick and I weren't sleeping together." Cricket nods, and says, "I can see why she'd be upset. That would be very damaging to your case. She probably thinks it's going to mean she'll have to move."

Victor is outside with Ramona. They're looking pretty chummy. "So tell me more romantic stories about your past," she says, as if she has never been so captivated in her life as when she's listening to a multi-billionaire talk about his past loves. "Well, I nearly lost her, you know. But then I came back and decided to marry her and, well, it was all very much like a fairytale, you know." "Wait a minute," she replies. "Didn't I see this on the Leanna Love show? You were married at the time, and you dumped one wife to go chasing after another. They wrote a book about you--Ruthless." She knees him and he doubles over in pain.

Back at the Newman household, Cassie enters to find Cricket talking to her would-be parents. Cassie looks suddenly quite worried. "They're going to take me away, aren't they?" she asks nervously, as if she really knows the answer. "Don't worry," Nick says to her. "We're fixing things. Very soon you're going to be our daughter in every way."

In New Mexico, Victor is still doubled over in pain. The word "Ruthless" is echoing over and over hauntingly. Just then, he wakes up in a cold sweat, safely locked up by Chet. "Boy, that was some nightmare," Victor mumbles. "It didn't look like I was going to nail her at all!" Just then, Chet peeks in to see that Victor is still secure. "You know what you are?" Victor says to him. "You're power mad. You're one of those guys who just has to control everything, aren't you?" "Just like you, Victor." Victor is surprised and indignant. "Now, if you'll excuse me," Chet says, "I have to go unleash a computer virus. By this time tomorrow, your one piddly little company going bankrupt will be the least of the world's problems."

Cricket shows up at Michael's office. "Well, well, well, if it isn't the fair Christine," Michael says. "Cut the pretending, Michael, you wouldn't know fair if you saw it." "I'm afraid I don't know what you're talking about," he says. "Have I been doing something unfair?" "You're not letting Cassie win." "It's not my job to let her win. This is a court room--fairness is up to the judge. It's my job to win for my client." "Even when you know it's not the right thing?" "Who says it's not the right thing?" "I do," she asserts confidently. "Of course you do. You're the opposing counsel." "I'm also an advisor to your parole officer, and I'm watching you. If you don't do the right thing here, I'm going to have you back in prison so fast--" "The right thing by whose definition?" "Mine."

At his terminal, Ramona brings Chet some tea. He sniffs at the tea. Suspicious, Chet makes her drink it. She fights it, but he is too strong. He pours it down her throat. Then he walks out. She is left there gasping. "Oh, no," she says. "Poison. No antidote." Then she stumbles toward the door, collapsing just outside of it in the middle of the yard.

Ryan and Trisha are arguing, as usual. "I have to go," he says abruptly in the middle of it all. "You have to go? Where? To see your ex-wife? No, sorry, to see one of your ex-wives??" Ryan just shakes his head but doesn't answer. He walks out. Then, a moment later, he comes back in. "Did you forget something? Breath spray? Condoms?" He reaches into his back pocket and pulls out an envelope and hands it to her. "What's this?" she asks. "I hadn't planned to give it to you, but your remark there about the ex-wives pushed me over the edge, Trisha. These are divorce papers. Soon you'll be ready to feel what it is to have someone complain about your exes." "Just ex. One ex, Ryan. I don't have any before you." Ryan laughs. "No, that's true. None before me. But you're well on your way to starting quite a collection if you treat the next ones as well as you've treated me. So you have a nice day. I'm off to hunt for work, since you've left me without any."

In the yard, Victor has found Ramona. She is sitting up and sipping tea from a cup. "It's a good thing you're such an expert in herbal medicines," she says to him. "I would never have guessed that weed you fed me was an antidote. How did you know which poison I had swallowed?" Victor smiles. "When you're as ruthless as I am, you have the occasional opportunity to poison others, you know. Anyway, I was happy to be of help. Say, you know what I found? We're in a rather well-known location in Arizona--a place called Canyon de Chelly. This is not New Mexico at all. No wonder no one in the rescue team is finding me. They're looking in the wrong state!" Ramona makes a "shhh!" motion with her finger and suggests they use the extra time to make love in thanks for him rescuing her.

A moment after Cricket leaves Michael's office, Grace enters in a rage. "Michael, what on earth was that on the phone with me a litle while ago? You can't blow me off so easily. Are you forgetting we just made love? You're not gonna get to play ball with me if you don't play ball with me, if you know what I mean." "Sorry, Grace. It's a done deal. I have my professional ethics and I stand by them. I'm defending Alice and I'm going to win." "You may win in the court room but you're going to lose in the bedroom, Michael," Grace tells him. "Where will you get another woman like me?" Just then, Alice enters dressed as Grace's identical twin. Grace releases an exasperated burst of unintelligible noise and storms out.

At Cricket's office, the phone rings. It's Nick. "Hello, Christine," he says. "Nicholas, what can I help you with?" Cricket asks. "Well, it's not about the case. It's something else. I just needed to ask someone at random about this problem I'm having." "Well, you know I'm always happy to help. Shoot." "Ok, here goes: You see, there was this phone call from this woman, saying she knew dad was ok." "And you believed her?" "Well, at first I was inclined not to. She asked about some horse that was injured. But the injury was ages ago and would have been healed by now. Dad would surely know that--and why would he be asking about a horse's health when he knew it was already healed? But then I thought--what if he only asked that because he thought I was too stupid to realize that horse injuries heal that fast. And I thought--no stranger would make up an insult like that. And besides, it's not public knowledge that I'm stupid. That's a very closely guarded secret. So it must have been someone in the family. So yes, I believe her."

"So what was it you called to ask then?" Cricket asks. "Well, the voice sounded really familiar. But I just couldn't place it. Has that ever happened to you? That you think you recognize someone after you get back from a trip but you just can't place it?" "Why yes, Nicholas, as a matter of fact, it has." "Well, do you do when it happens?" "I usually fly to recent airports that I've been in and try to hang out in the restaurants there hoping I'll recognize someone." "But I didn't go to any airports," he protests. "What about diners? Have you eaten at any diners recently?" "I went to one of those in New Mexico." "Well, there's your answer." "You think I should go back to New Mexico and look for her there? Just because that's where I last went to a diner?" "Well, that and the fact that your father's plane went down there." "Oh, right. I guess you must think I'm pretty stupid, huh?" "No, Nicholas--I'm not a family member. I'm sure I wouldn't know anything about that."

Chet enters the area where Victor and Ramona are chatting. Victor and Chet start into a fight. Fortunately, there is a nearby cliff and Chet falls from it. A camera from far back shows him falling. Ramona hugs Victor again. "Let's make love. Now," she says. "No one has to know." He nods in agreement and they fall onto the ground to do the deed. Just then, Chet enters, finding them in a compromising position. "What the--?" Victor says. "Did you take me for a dummy?" Chet says. "What does that mean?" Victor asks. "It means that was a dummy that went over the cliff. If you were watching, you'd know. Anyway, I'm still very much alive." "So you gonna kill me now, or what?" Victor asks. "No, Victor, I'm not going to kill you. In fact, I'm going to let you go. Back to your wife. And when you do, I'm going to call your wife and tell her what you and Ramona have been doing here. Then she's going to kill you for me." Victor frowns. "You think you've got the perfect crime there, don't you?" Chet nods. "Well, you forgot about one thing." Chet is not sure what to make of this, but it worries him. "What, Victor? What did I forget?" Victor just stands there waiting. "You better tell me, or I'll--I'll--" Victor just waits. Suddenly Chet disappears. Ramona is amazed. "You knew that would happen didn't you?" she asks. Victor nods. "His story line was up. I read about it in Soap Opera Weekly," he explains. "Today was his last day, so all I had to do was stall and I knew it would end ok. All his threats were hollow." "All but one," Ramona says with sudden fear. "What if he unleashed the virus?" Both run to check the computer.

Outside of the court room, Cricket and Sharon discuss Cassie's state. "She seems very calm all of a sudden. Almost like she's happy to testify," Sharon says. "Good," says Sharon. "She'll need all the resolve she can muster."

In the court room, Cricket is asked by the judge where Nick is. "He's in New Mexico," Cricket explains. "Ah, looking for his father?" the judge asks. "No, your honor," Cricket says, "he's chasing a woman. But he'll be looking for his father eventually, I'm sure." The judge looks uncertain, but motions them to move on.

Ryan is in Victoria's office pacing back and forth in front of her desk. "If you want a loan..." she says. "I don't want a loan," he responds. "I want a job." She thinks. "Well, you could be my husband." "Come on, Vikki. Be serious. I didn't say a chore, I said a job. And anyway, I'm talking permanent--not a temp thing like the last time we were married." She thinks some more. "Well, how about being my gigolo?" Ryan perks up. "Hmmm, yeah, that sounds like something you'll have fairly permanent need for. What's the pay like?" She looks at him in astonishment. "You want to talk salary, Ryan?" she asks. "Why don't we start with the fringe benefits instead," she suggests. "For example," she continues, "you'll get a lot of flex time ... and family leave ..." He seems surprised. "You mean, in case Trisha gets pregnant?" he asks. "No, stupid," she replies. "I mean if you work for me, your family will leave you. When you're married to a twit like your wife, that's a benefit, don't you think?" Ryan looks at her suspiciously. "Oh, come on, Ryan, lighten up--it'll be fun. It's a chance to work hard and make some serious advancement with the boss's daughter. Why don't you just say yes and see what comes, hmmm?" "All right, all right. You can stop looking. Your open position has been filled."

On the stand, Cassie is just done testifying. It all seems to have gone smoothly, when she adds, "Did I mention that Nick is sleeping on the couch and not with Mommy?" Cassie says. Cricket is caught off-guard. "Uh, I move to have that stricken. There was no question pending." Cricket says. The judge nods. Michael stands to cross-examine. "What was that about the couch?" Michael asks. "They aren't sleeping together," she repeats. "Objection," Cricket says. "Not covered in direct." The judge looks to Michael, who says, "Your honor, we've been trying to get at the child's state of mind--she's offering it now. She thinks this matters." "I'll allow it," the judge says. "But why would she say that?" Cricket says. "It won't help her stay with the Newmans." "I don't want to stay with the Newmans," Cassie says. "I want to go with Alice. I'm afraid to stay with Nick." "Afraid?" Michael asks eagerly. "But Cassie, why, honey?" Sharon asks. Cassie explains, "Nick said I was going to be his daughter in every way. I'm too young for that. I won't go back. I won't!" Sharon goes to Cassie and says, "Cassie, this is just a parody. Let's keep it light, ok? Just say you want to be with me and it'll be all fine." "But that's the thing," Cassie says, "he didn't just say it in the parody. He said it on the real show. He wants me to be his daughter in every way. I heard it. I'm not going back."

The judge looks to Cricket. "This is looking pretty damning. Do you have any other evidence?" "Yes, your honor, I call my husband, Paul Williams." Paul is called. "Do you have evidence of foul play to Millie?" she asks him. Paul pulls out the letter from his back pocket. "What's this?" Michael asks. "I haven't seen this." "It only came into our hands a couple of weeks ago," Cricket explains. "There wasn't time." "And he's had it in his pocket getting all sweaty and having finger prints all over it for all this time?" Michael asks. The judge intervenes to put this one to a quick death. "The evidence is stricken. This is only going from bad to worse. I'm ready to rule," the judge says.

In Chet's computer room, Victor types at the keyboard. "It's prompting for a password." "Make something up," she urges him. "But it didn't ask me to log in. How can I give it a password if I don't know who I'm logging in as?" "Just type something." He starts to type, but the password he's typing (it starts with "Y2") is echoing back on the screen. "Say, what's this? Wait a minute, now. Passwords aren't supposed to show up as you type them. It should be showing me little stars or something." "Stop being such a nerd, Victor," she insists. "Just type something." So he types the rest of "Y2K/ANTHRAX", which mercifully is the right password. The screen starts helpfully flashing the message

VIRUS DEPLOYED ALREADY.
YOU ARE TOO LATE.

"Well, I'll be damned," Victor says. "What can we do?" she says. "We'll just have to put our brains together and come up with some sort of improvised thing, I guess," Victor says.

It's a few minutes later in the court room. The judge has ruled. People are standing up to leave. Sharon is in tears. Michael goes over and extends his hands to Cricket. "No hard feelings, I hope, Christine?" he asks. "I'm going to get you for this," she says. "I don't think so," Michael says. "Don't forget what I warned you," she says. "I don't think the word of a convicted felon is going to carry much weight," Michael says. "Convicted what?" she asks. "Oh, I'm sorry, I'm getting ahead of myself," Michael says. Then he turns to one side and nods to a Detective Glenn Richards, who waiting on the side. Richards approaches Cricket. "Oh, good, officer, I was just going to ask for help from one of you." "Hello, Christine," Glenn says. "I'm afraid you're under arrest." "Arrest?" she asks, very confused. "That's right--for blackmail, extortion, tampering with a trial, and ethics violations." "Are you sure those are all valid criminal charges?" she asks. "Close enough," he says. "The point is, you shouldn't have threatened Michael as you did, and now you're going to prison to pay for it." "But, but--you can't believe his word over mine," she says. She looks to Michael, who just shakes his head and mouths "tsk, tsk". Then he reaches in a jacket pocket and pulls out a VHS cassette, presumably of the threats she made. He waves good-bye as she is hauled off. "The people rest," Michael says with a shrug after she's gone.

Back from commercial. Victor says to Ramona, "It looks like it worked. That was a very brilliant idea of yours, that `aloe virus' to heal the computers that Chet had injured. A good application of non-western medicine to the modern computer era. We in the modern world owe you a debt of gratitude." The two fall back to the ground and clothes fly. Just then, the camera pans to the door where Nick enters. "Dad?" he asks, surprised at what is going on there on the floor. Victor looks to Ramona and then back to Nick. "You're not going to believe this, m'boy, but I've made a terrible mistake. I thought this was your mother I was shagging here." Nick laughs. "It's ok, Dad. That kind of thing happens to me all the time, too."

That's all for this episode. Hope you learned something. Don't miss Episode 129!
If you missed any older episodes, see the index.

Feedback, good or bad, is always appreciated.