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Date: 24 Dec 1998 14:24:49 -0500
From: pitman@anotherwayout.com (Kent M Pitman)
Newsgroups: rec.arts.tv.soaps.cbs
Subject: Y&R: AWO#119: "Mix and Match"
Message-ID: <sfwyanxl4vy.fsf@world.std.com>
INSIDE...
* Mary and Charlie chill out and warm up to Carl and Ruth.
* Katherine and Jill get down and dirty in a strange and
complex game of give and take.
* Alice and her ways, though not on the up and up, bring
happiness and cheer.
* Trisha and Meg close and lock the door on a painful
and difficult problem.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
ANOTHER WAY OUT, Episode 119, 24-Dec-98
by Kent Pitman (pitman@anotherwayout.com)
"Mix and Match"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In the courtroom, the judge is about to issue a ruling. "This is a difficult
case," he says, "but I order it resolved in the following way. It seems to me
that each of you owns an equal share in the house." Katherine looks to Jill
and Jill to Katherine. Neither is very happy about this. The judge goes on.
"Now, as to the matter of the fine for all these outbursts. The court fines
each of you the value of your half of the house. So you are each left with
nothing." Jill and Katherine are even less happy now. Icy looks of impending
murderous behavior pass between them. There is stirring in the court like
people are readying for the judge to bang the gavel. "Wait just a moment,"
the judge says. "I'm not finished. There is one more matter to discuss," he
says ominously.
"Paul, Charlie and I have an announcement to make. I--" But Cricket, who is
more important (or at least more self-righteous) than Mary, cuts in before she
can say the rest. "Uh, Mrs. Williams, Paul and I also have an announcement
to make. We--" But CBS, which is more important (or at least more
self-righteous) than Cricket, cuts in before she can say the rest. "We
interrupt this station to tell you about the latest tawdry detail in the
Clinton saga. The President--" But your local affiliate station, which is
more important (or at least more self-righteous) than CBS, cuts in before they
can say the rest. "We interrupt this interruption to tell you about some
local weather conditions of importance during this holiday season." This
might be a good time to go get a drink of water.
* * *
Ah, you're back. Now where were we? The truth is, no one's keeping track and
you'll just have to pick it up as best you can.
"But Trisha, you can't," says Meg. "What do you mean I can't?" she asks her
sister. Meg opens the closet door and looks inside again. From inside there
is muffled grunting. "Mmmmfph rrrrmmmp mmllllmmmrr mmmm mmrrrmmm." "Sis, are
you sure he has enough air in there?" Megan asks. "Of course I'm sure, Meg.
What do you think I am? Stupid? I'm not trying to kill him--I just want him
out of the way for a few years, until he grows up and gets out of our lives."
"But--but--won't he have to go to the bathroom?" Trisha smiles and gets an
old videotape of Y&R from when Cricket was tied up by Mary Jo in the basement
of Newman Enterprises. "Look," she says, pointing to the screen. "Cricket
was tied up for a long time here and never had to go to the bathroom. I don't
know how she did it, but if she can do it, Phillip can. Even if he's only
half as smart as Ryan, which since he has only half Ryan's genes and the other
half Nina's I guess he is, he'll still be pretty smart. Now will you please
close that closet door and let me get back to celebrating my Christmas alone
with Ryan?"
The hand of an elderly woman reaches out to push the doorbell at the
Chancellor Estate. A moment later, the door swings open. "Yes, can I help
you?" asks Beatrice as she steps forward from within. The camera swings
around to reveal an uncomfortable Katherine standing outside. "I, uh, just
came to visit and I--" "I'm sorry, Mrs. Chancellor," Beatrice says. "The
house is mine now. The judge said so. He said I would do the public a
service if I took it off his hands after he confiscated it from you two. That
way, I wouldn't have to go on welfare or ask either of you for any more
bribes. But now that I'm living here, there's really no place for you, if you
know what I mean." "But--but--my memories--of my late husband." "Oh, Mrs.
Chancellor, I'm really surprised that you have any memories at all of that
time. When you get old, like you and me, you tend to forget so easily--well,
you saw how easily it happened to me. And you can do the same. I'm sure
they're not very pleasant memories either. So you're better off just letting
go of them." "But can't I just come in and visit?" "I don't think that would
be a very good idea," Beatrice says. Then she stops to think, as if
reconsidering. "Wait a minute," she says. She thinks some more. "You know,"
she continues, "there is a way." "There is?" Katherine says, brightening.
"Yes, you see, I need a laundry maid. Of course, I don't have any cash right
now, so I wouldn't be paying you. But we could trade." "Trade?" "Yes, trade.
You know. Barter. I give you something you want and you give me something I
want."
In the living room, Mary pulls Paul aside, leaving Carl and Ruth and Charlie
and Chris to chat amiably with one another. "Paul," she begins. "Son, I have
a confession to make." "A confession?" "Yes, a confession. Now, you're my
son, and I expect you to forgive me no matter what." "What do you mean `no
matter what'? Mother, you're not going to tell me you knew about this...?"
"Well, yes and no." "Yes and no? You knew Carl was still alive and you
didn't--" "No, I didn't know he was still alive." "Ok, then what's the
problem." "I thought he was dead." "So did I. So what's the problem?"
"Well, the REASON I knew is that I... well, I paid to have him killed." "You
WHAT??" Paul looks back over at the others, who haven't been listening but
are looking puzzled. "Quiet down now," Mary says. "You're making a scene."
"You paid to have my father killed?" "Well, apparently not." "What do you
mean--you didn't pay to have him killed?" "No, I paid for something, but
apparently I didn't get what I paid for. Now, look, Paul: I'm going to have
that person I paid investigated--and don't worry, I won't make you do that--but
the point is that Carl didn't die." "But Mom, all these years, you couldn't
forget him." "Well, that's right. But we never really talked about it. And
you have no idea how a paid execution weighs on one's mind--I didn't expect
that. It took me a lot of work to get past that. And finally I did. And now
you've brought me Carl as my Christmas present, but you see--I really don't
want him. So I'd like you to take him back."
Katherine is still standing out in the cold talking to Beatrice. "Trade? My
dear woman, what could you possibly have to trade that I would want?"
Beatrice smiles. "Why, access to this house, of course. I think that's worth
something to you. In fact, I think that's worth a great deal. And you have
something I want." "Yes and what is that?" Katherine in an annoyed tone. "A
strong back that hasn't been worn down by years of hauling laundry. I need
someone to wash my clothes. First all of those I've been wearing out on the
street. They've gotten very dirty out there. But then all of these beautiful
gowns I've found in the closets of my mansions. I expect I'll be changing
clothes many times a day, and I need someone to keep up with the wash."
Katherine raises an eyebrow. "You want ME to wash YOUR clothes," she repeats,
as if not quite getting it and hoping that repeating it will help her
understand. Then she adds, "And in return...?" she asks, not quite believing
the nature of the trade being proposed. So Beatrice reiterates the terms:
"In return a chance to visit the house you love so much--while you do my
laundry, of course. Just like the opportunity you gave me, so long ago.
Don't you remember what you said to me when I first interviewed? ``The
opportunity of a lifetime'' you told me. And here I am today, so I guess you
were right. You might say it's my chance to repay you in kind for all you did
for me over the years... that is, if you don't mind wearing the uniform that
goes with it. But then, you wouldn't mind that. You always used to tell me
how dignified it was and how it would make anyone proud to be working as
laundry maid at this house, didn't you?" Katherine shakes her head in
continued, sober disbelief.
Paul and Mary approach the others. "Did you have a nice family chat?"
Charlie asks. Mary looks uncomfortable. "Uh, yes, I think we got everything
out in the open," she says. "Good, because while you were talking, I came up
with an idea that I think is just super and I'm hoping you'll agree it's just
the thing to liven up the holidays." Mary isn't sure what to say, and Charlie
takes advantage of her delay in responding to press on. "Ok, so here goes, he
says. Suppose we make it a foursome." "A foursome for what? Bridge?" Mary
asks. "No, our marriage. Mary, I'm no fool. I know you used to be married
to Carl, and that you still probably have feelings toward him." "Well, that's
for sure," Paul mutters. "But Carl's got feelings for Ruth," Charlie
continues. "And I even think Ruth and I would hit it off well in the sack if
we were left alone for a little while," Charlie finishes. "So what do you
say? No one changes marital status. We'll just all move in together and
sleep with whoever we feel like whenever we want. What do you say, Mary?"
"Are you sure we can't just come to a monetary arrangement?" Katherine asks
Beatrice. "Oh, Mrs. Chancellor, what would an old woman like me do with money?
I mostly only used my money to pay my rent, and now I have no more rent to
pay." "But you'll have to eat. And you may want to travel." "I'm sure I'll
find a way," Beatrice says, dismissing the concern in a very confident tone of
voice. "But you said you have no cash." "That's true. But I didn't say I
couldn't GET cash. What little extra I need, I'm sure I can get by selling
the occasional priceless artifact from the living room. Maybe I'll have a
yard sale. I'm sure some of my friends from the places I've been living would
love some of this stuff in their homes. It would be a way to carry on your
tradition of helping the homeless and the infirm, wouldn't it, Mrs.
Chancellor? It's important that I fill your shoes in EVERY way, if you know
what I mean. And selling those paintings and jewels, well, that should take
care of my day-to-day living expenses as they come up. At least for a while,
don't you think? For those expenses I have to pay in cash anyway. In your
case, well, I see no need to waste a nice piece of art hiring you--not since I
think you'll work for free."
At Central High back in Madison, the gymnasium is packed with people in their
mid twenties, wandering around chatting amiably. They each wear nametags and
most are sipping punch. "Hey, this is the best reunion we've ever had," says
someone. "It's the only reunion we've ever had," someone else responds.
"Right. I can't believe it took us this long to be organized like this.
Thank goodness there was one of us left with some school spirit--what was her
name?" "Haggart, I think," someone else says. "Tammy Haggart." "I didn't
know her." "Neither did I." "Well, who really cares. I think we elect her
Queen of the May." "But it's December." "May/December. Who cares? I just
think we should honor her. After all she's done for our class. We'd never
have all gotten together this way if she hadn't made all those phone calls.
She'll never know how much we owe her..."
Katherine rolls here eyes and looks impatient. "Oh, and there's just one more
thing--you do understand this is a full-time position, right? I can't have
part-time staff. It'd be just too difficult for me to handle all the comings
and goings of too many staff members, an old woman like me. I'm so forgetful.
I'm not sure I could keep it all straight in my head. So if you want to
visit, you have to live here. All the time. In uniform. And if you quit,
you can't ever come back again." Katherine looks up into the sky. "Phillip,
my dear. Do you see what I've been reduced to?" she asks. Then she says to
Beatrice, "Very well. Let me have the uniform." Beatrice smiles. "Thanks,
Mrs. C. I knew you'd see it my way." Then she pulls the door wider and calls
into the next room. "Jill? Would you see that this woman is fitted with a
laundry maid's outfit and get her set up in the servants' quarters with a nice
room next to yours?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Copyright 1998 Kent M. Pitman. All Rights Reserved.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Another Way Out" takes plotline state at time of publication and shows that
there are interesting places right around the corner. The goal, besides
having some fun with good-natured parody, is to challenge the notion that we
must be mired in certain tired plotlines for months just to have a good time.
There is always another way out...
Archives of this and older episodes of "Another Way Out"
as well as the more serious "morals" that underly them,
can be found at: http://world.std.com/~pitman/awo/index.html
Don't forget to try the "character index" and "ratings index"!