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Date: 16 Dec 1998 00:35:03 -0500
From: pitman@anotherwayout.com (Kent M Pitman)
Newsgroups: rec.arts.tv.soaps.cbs
Subject: Y&R: AWO#118: "Mixed Vegetables"
Message-ID: <sfwzp8ozm2g.fsf@world.std.com>
INSIDE...
* Trish spices things up with Phillip as they chop vegetables in the kitchen.
* Nicholas goes on having the IQ of a carrot.
* Alice pushes Victor for a little extra green stuff.
* Megan tests Al's animal instincts.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
ANOTHER WAY OUT, Episode 118, 16-Dec-98
by Kent Pitman (pitman@anotherwayout.com)
"Mixed Vegetables"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Megan is in Crimson Lights talking to Cricket. "That's the guy? A child
molester? You're sure?" Megan asks. Cricket nods. "Now will you tell me?
Why did you want to be put in touch with one?" she pleads. Megan shakes her
head. "It's personal, ok? Just--thank you, Christine. You'll never know how
much I appreciate this."
Alice is in Victor's office. "May I help you?" "Your secretary wasn't at--"
"Yes, yes, I know all that. I'll give you a little secret--we don't have any
secretaries here at Newman Enterprises. They cost too damned much. But then
we waste a lot of time and money having visitors remarking on how the
secretary wasn't at their desk, so just spare me the pleasantries and come
straight to the point, ahright?" Alice gulps. "Ok, here's the thing. You
know your grandchild, Cassie?" "Right." "She's really mine. Legally, I
mean." "Not Sharon's?" "Well, Sharon gave birth to her, but then she gave
her up for adoption and I took her. Sharon came and took her while I was
away, and never asked for my permission, so I'm here to reclaim her."
Megan goes to Tony's table and grabs him. "Come here," she says. "I have
something to show you." Across the room, Al Fenton sits waiting for Alice to
come back from Victor Newman's office. Tony and Meg to sit with him. "Hey!"
he says. "Can't you see this table is taken?" She smiles. "I just wanted to
ask you a quick question," Meg says. He eyes her skeptically. "Do I know
you?" "No," she says. "Do you find me attractive?" "Attractive?" "That's
what I asked." "You really want to know?" "I REALLY want to know," Meg says.
"No. No, I don't find you particularly attractive," he says. She breathes a
sigh of relief. "Thank you!" Both Tony and Al looked confused. "Will
someone tell me what's going on here?" Tony asks. "Search me," Al says. "I
just wanted to prove something to Tony here," Meg says to Al. "Look, you're a
child molester, right?" Tony is taken aback. "You a cop?" "No, I'm not a
cop." "Then what business is it of yours?" "Well, this is my friend Tony--he's
a good friend. I'd like him to be a very good friend. But he keeps referring
to me as a kid. And you--you're an expert on what a kid is, right?" "Well,
kinda," Al admits. "And you don't think I am one, do you?" "Nah," he says.
"You're too old to be a kid." Meg smiles happily to Tony. "See? I rest my
case." "Ok, ok," says Tony. "NOW can I call the police?" She nods. "Just so
long as you'll remember." "I'll remember, I'll remember," he says. Then he
decks Al and goes to the phone to call the police.
"Pass me those carrots, Phillip," Trisha says to Phillip as they stand in the
McNeil house kitchen making dinner. "Do I have to? It's time for me to be at
hockey practice," he says. "You're not going to practice today. I told you
that." "But why? You're not my mother, you know." She stops momentarily and
stares at him in disbelief. "I know that Phillip," she says. "You seem
fairly determined not to let me forget it." "Well, you're not going to make
it easier on yourself by making yourself into a witch," he says. "Well,
that's progress," she mutters. "Huh?" he asks. "At least you've gotten off
the kick of calling me a Barbie," she says. "Now here, sharpen this knife."
"It's already sharp." "No, Phillip, it's not. Now shut up and sharpen it
before I use it on you."
Beatrice is with John in his office. "Now, I told Jill to wait outside
because I don't want her pressuring you about your testimony." "Oh, it's ok,
Mr. Silva. She wasn't pressuring me. She just helps me remember
sometimes--you know how that is." "Yes, well, let's just go over your
testimony." "My what? It's so hard when you're old like me. A woman gets
forgetful, you know? I think it's the way your sexual drive kicks in--it
really distracts you." "Distracts you?" John asks. She smiles toward the
camera and says, "You probably have no idea, Mr. Silva. Being such a young,
virile man. I bet you have sex all the time. Right here in your office even.
With clients. Maybe even with witnesses. But a woman like me? I'm not so
lucky. I don't have an office to have sex in. And I just can't focus on
remembering things when I haven't had sex recently enough, you know what I
mean?" John sighs.
Phillip and Trisha are still in the kitchen making dinner. "I want to go play
Nintendo," Phillip says. "Mom always lets me play Nintendo." "Well, Phillip,
as you're so fond of pointing out, I'm not your mom, am I?" "When's dad going
to be home?" "Your father is out tonight. You know that." "I hope he's with
mom." "He's not with your mom. She's out on a date. Ryan's at work--he has
a deadline. It's just you and me tonight." "Right. Just me and the witch."
"I got you a present, though, Phillip." "You did?" he says, perking up
momentarily. Then he catches himself and forces himself to looks sullen
again. "What is it?" he asks, trying to sound disinterested. She pulls it
out from behind a pillow and hands it to him. It's wrapped. He weighs it
with his hands. "It feels like a book." "It is a book." "What am I supposed
to do with a book?" "Well, open it. You might learn something." "Oh, so it's
a text book." "No, it's not a text book. It's a book of stories, actually."
"What am I going to learn from a story?" "Nothing probably. But I can always
hope." He opens it and reads the title. "Grimm's what?" "Fairytales,
Phillip." "You think I'm interested in fairies?" "Actually, I don't think
you'll find a lot of fairies in there. I've marked a place you should read."
Phillip opens the book and starts to read. "The Willful Child?" She nods.
"I don't care about children." "You don't care about anyone. Read on." He
starts again. "Once upon a time. This is stupid." "Read!" "There was a
child who was willful and would not do what her mother wished." "Sound
familiar yet?" "I do what my MOTHER says." "Use some imagination, Phillip.
Fairytales are about imagination. Keep reading."
Victor looks up at Alice. "Reclaim her? Are you quite sure you want want the
child and not money?" "Money? You offend me, sir," Alice says, trying to
sound like she's had a sudden reprogramming of her DNA. "I don't think so,"
Victor says. "Ok," she admits, and comes straight to the point: "How much
money we talking about?" "How much do you want?" Cut away to a voice over as
she ponders this. "If I say too low, he'll just pay me and I'll feel stupid.
Nothing to lose by saying something big." "One hundred thousand," she says.
Victor doesn't respond directly. Instead he asks, "Lemme ask you
something--what town do you live in?" "Why does that matter? I'm not
dropping my price," she says. "Just indulge me," Victor says. "If after
you've answered my questions you don't decide not to drop your request, I'll
pay the price you're asking." "You will?" "Uh, huh," Victor says. "Damn!"
she says. "Why `damn'?" he asks. "Because if you'll pay that, it means I
should have asked for more." "You're assuming I'm going to pay you." "You
said you would." "I said I'd pay you unless you said I shouldn't." "Do I
look like the kind of woman who would turn down a hundred thousand dollars?"
"Do I look like the kind of man who would give it away that easy? What town
are you from?" "Madison." "And how did you find me?" "What do you mean, how
did I find you? You're famous." "Yes, but the fact that I have a
granddaughter named Cassie--that's not public knowledge. I'm a very private
person."
John comes racing out of his office into the hall. "What's going
on?" Jill asks. John paces back and forth. "I'm afraid we're not going to
be able to use Beatrice as a witness." "Why?" Jill asks, getting suddenly
concerned. "Did she ask you for money, too?" "No, she didn't." "Well,
that's a relief." "She asked me for sex instead." Jill grins. "Well, I have
to admit--she has good taste." John rolls his eyes. "So that's it?" Jill
asks. "A little sex is what stands between me and my house, and you're not
going to give it to her?" "Of course I'm not going to give it to her," John
says. "Oh, please, please, please, please, please," Jill says. "Jill...."
"Oh, come on, John. What's the big deal? We have sex in your office all the
time. Just close your eyes and pretend it's me." John sighs. Jill pushes
him back toward the office. "I'll make up for it later, I promise," she says
as she pushes him out of sight.
Back from commercial, Victor asks again for those of us who have been struck
by short term memory lapse. "Let me ask you again, how did you find me?" "I
called around." "Who did you call?" "Who DIDN'T I call. I called everyone in
Genoa City." "Looking for me?" "No, actually. Looking for Sharon Collins.
Her number's unlisted, you know. And she'd changed her name." "But how did
you know to try Genoa City? She doesn't come from here. She comes from
Madison." "Well, I tried calling everyone in Madison." "You're pretty
persistent, aren't you?" "I found you, didn't I?" "Yes, you did. And I must
say I'm quite impressed. I'm going to make you a counterproposal."
"Counterproposal?" He nods. "Something you might want to do instead of
blackmail me." "It's not blackmail, you know. It's only extortion. And
maybe not even that." Victor smiles. "Do you want to hear my proposal?"
"Ok, but if you think I'm stupid enough not to take the money and run--" "I
don't think you're stupid at all. I just want to hire you." "Hire me?"
"Why?" "Because I happen to think you have a future in telemarketing. And in
the end you could make a lot more money than you're making on this one little
scam. That is, unless you have other lost babies and other billionaires
you're waiting to go after." She frowns. "No, you're the only one. But
you're kidding, right? I have no experience in sales." "Would it surprise you
to know I had no experience being a billionaire when I started? I built all
of this myself with the force of will and my bare hands." "So I could be like
your protege?" He smiles again. "Something like that. But I could offer you
a regular salary and a real job." "What's the catch?" "The catch? There is
none. You can either sign on as a Newman sales person and make the money
honestly as your first year's salary, or you can take the money and risk that
I'll prosecute you for what you've done." "Well, when you put it that way...
Oh, you said first year. Does that might mean I'd get more later?" she asks.
Victor nods. "Do we have a deal?" "Can I still sometimes visit Cassie?" she
asks. He nods again. "We have a deal," she says. And they shake on it.
John emerges later from his office. Beatrice follows him out with a sly smile
on her face and heads off. Jill asks, "So? How did it go?" "I have bad
news," John says. "Bad news? She's not going to testify?" "No, she's going
to testify." "What then? John, you're scaring me. What?" "There's no easy
way to tell you this Jill, but it's over." "My case? My house? She's going
to testify against me?" "No, not the case. She's going to testify. You'll
get your house. But you and me. I can't have sex with you any more." "You
what?" "I'm sorry, Jill. But it's over--you and me. Beatrice and I are an
item now." Jill explodes. "WHAT? John, are you crazy? That old bag?"
"Well, you said to close my eyes and pretend it was you. And I did. But you
know, she was really a lot better than you, and..."
"So what did you think?" Trisha asks Phillip when he's done reading. "What do
you mean what did I think?" "About the story." "I don't get it." "Well, tell
me what you learned." "I didn't learn anything. It was about some kid who
died." "The kid didn't just die, her mother let her die. Because she was
willful and mean and no one wanted her." "So her mother killed her?"
"Shou'n't she have? What's the point in letting a child go on living if she
isn't nice?" Trisha asks. Phillip stares at her.
"Let me ask you one more thing," Victor says to Alice. "Is this like Let's
Make a Deal? Now that I have the box do I want to trade for--" Seeing
Victor's blank stare, she stops. "You never watched television when you were
a kid, did you?" she asks. He shakes his head. "I couldn't afford one."
"Ok, what's your question." "Well, if my son wanted to sleep with you, would
you let him?" "Is he in line to inherit the company?" she responds instantly.
"Just between you and me? No, he's not. It'll probably go to his sister,
Victoria." "Well, then I wouldn't let him. I'd probably slug him." Victor
smiles. Just then, Nick enters. "Hey, Dad, I--oh, sorry, didn't know you had
a visitor." "Not a visitor," Victor says. "M'boy, I want you to meet your new
executive assistant." "Hey, you promised me I could do sales," Alice whines.
"You've been promoted," Victor says. "I still get my salary, though, right?"
"You get a better salary," Victor says. "A better one? Why?" "Because you
answered my question just the way I had hoped you would." "Yeah, well I'm a
quick study." "Hey, that's great," says Nick, "'Cuz now that Grace has
transfered out, I could use someone to help me study."
It's later in the evening. Ryan is home and Trisha is setting the table.
"Thanks for serving me at this late hour," Ryan says. "This is REALLY
delicious. Thanks for keeping it warm for me." "Oh, it was my pleasure,
Ryan," Trisha says, coming to give him a hug as he eats. "I'm sorry I'm so
late," he says, continuing to apologize as he chows down. "By the way, wow'd
it go with Phillip today? Hope he wasn't any trouble?" "Nope." "Really?
But surely he argued with you." "He did, actually. But I laid down the law."
"Hey, that's great. What did you tell him?" "I told him that I was an evil
stepmother and he'd better do as I said or I'd have him for dinner." "And that
was all it took?" "That and a little pepper." "Pepper?" Ryan asks. She
smiles mischievously. "Uh, huh. Tasty, isn't he?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Copyright 1998 Kent M. Pitman. All Rights Reserved.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Another Way Out" takes plotline state at time of publication and shows that
there are interesting places right around the corner. The goal, besides
having some fun with good-natured parody, is to challenge the notion that we
must be mired in certain tired plotlines for months just to have a good time.
There is always another way out...
Archives of this and older episodes of "Another Way Out"
as well as the more serious "morals" that underly them,
can be found at: http://world.std.com/~pitman/awo/index.html
Don't forget to try the "character index" and "ratings index"!