Episode 72, originally published 16-Nov-97

Oft Spring

Hope is visiting Doris at Collins & Sons. "So you're sure you want to do this?" Doris asks Hope. "No, I'm not," says Hope with firm certainty. She sighs, shakes her head, and stares out the window into the enclosed porch where Victor Junior and and Cassie are chatting. Then she continues, "But Victor Junior is sure. He says he wants a father. Even if he doesn't have one with him every day, he wants his father to acknowledge him. I've tried to convince him that Cliff is his father, and that Cliff has just stepped out to Heaven for a while. But he's old enough and smart enough that such simple platitudes no longer work. He's figured out that his name `Victor Junior' must imply that there was a `Victor Senior' and he wants his real father to acknowledge him."

Ryan is with Nina. She explains the state of the world to him, calmly, coolly: "So you see, Ryan, I don't need you any more. I'm finally my own person." "But what about Phillip?" Ryan protests. "He's my son--he--" Little Phillip enters. "I am NOT your son. I don't want to ever see you again. Go back to your girlfriend--you're not needed here." Ryan is speechless. Nina helps him. "Leave, Ryan. Now." He is in shock, but moves toward the door. "And leave your key," Nina says, driving a spike firmly through his already ailing heart. He shakes his head in disbelief as he removes the key from his keyring and leaves it on the table by the door. Then he exits. Outside, he stops and leans against the back of the door and we are awash in flashbacks. Flashbacks of Nina, of Phillip, of Trisha, of the morgue, of Nina holding the gun on him and Trisha, of Nina holding the gun to her own head, of ... Ah, relief. When has a commercial break ever felt so welcome?

Diane appears at the GC Sperm Bank. "May I help you?" the clerk asks. "I hope so," says Diane. "I'd like to make a balance transfer." "You mean a withdrawal?" the woman asks. "No, a transfer. It's an unusual situation. My husband is getting on in years--and when I first married him, I worried that he might pass away before we--" "Ah," says the woman, "--so you have one of our `lay away' plans." Diane smiles. "That's it. But recently my husband went and had a vasectomy. And I'm pretty angry about that. It appears he wants me to have no children." "Well, I could recommend several good books on poisons." "No, that's all right. I have a better idea in mind. I understand you have a charity fund for women who can't afford to be fussy, but still want whatever they can get in the way of sperm?" "Yes, we have such a fund. Of course." "Well, I'd like to donate all of Victor's sperm from my account to your charity fund--on the condition that each recipient be notified that their little boy or girl will be an heir to the Newman fortune." "Oh, my! What a wonderful gift for the Christmas season," the woman says. Diane smiles. "Yes, I think so." The woman hands Diane an authorization form. "Just fill out this form and drop it in the box at the end of the counter when you're done. And have a Merry Christmas!"

"Victor Junior wants Mr. Newman to acknowledge him as his son?" Doris asks. Hope nods. "Yes, and he wants his rightful share of the Newman estate." "Well," says Doris, "Mr. Newman's a very compassionate man. Is there any reason to suppose he wouldn't comply with that request?" "Yes, and no," Hope explains. "You see, before Victor Junior is old enough to enjoy his inheritance, there's a very good likelihood that Victor will entrust control of Newman Enterprises to--well,--I mean, Doris, I don't want to disparage your daughter's choice of husband, but..." "It's ok, Hope. I do understand. My daughter's husband has the IQ of a turnip--is that it?" "You've noticed," Hope says with relief. "Good gracious, yes," Doris says. "It's not like it's contagious--how could anyone who's spent time around him fail to notice?" Hope says, "Well, your daughter--" "Oh, my daughter. Well, she can be blind sometimes." "I've been known to be, too," says Hope. "Oh, I didn't mean it like that," says Doris apologetically. "I didn't either, Doris. I mean, I *did* marry Victor, after all." The two women laugh. "So, then," Hope says, "you see the problem." Doris takes Hope's hand gently. "Of course, I do Hope. You're worried that if young Nicholas takes Newman Enterprises, there won't be anything left for Victor Junior to inherit when he comes of age." "Exactly," Hope says. "To tell the truth," explains Doris, "I've had some similar concerns about my grandson Noah. So you've come to the right place," Doris assures her. "Collins & Sons will be proud to represent you."

Ryan is still in the hall outside Nina's but he's moved to a position behind a plant. Now we see why: Flo is ringing the doorbell. Nina comes out. "Hi, Mom, he's all set to go--thanks for taking him. I really do need this time alone." "No problem, sweetie. You're sure you'll be alright?" "I'll be fine, Mom." "But what if Ryan comes back?" "He won't, Mom. And anyway I still have that gun." Flo frowns at her. "Nina!" "Just kidding, Mom. Anyway, I told Aaron downstairs not to let him in if he comes back. So I'll be fine." "Ok, sweetie," she says. The two exchange kisses. Flo turns to Phillip and says, "Come on, Phillip. To grandmother's house you go!" He kisses his mother and says "Bye, mom!" "Bye, honey," she says. And they head down the hall as Nina closes the door.

Dru is in Fenmore's shopping for Christmas. She carries a bag with some boxes in it. A saleswoman motions to her to stop for a moment. Dru, seeing a couple of chairs right there, decides to rest her feet and hear the woman out. The woman sits next to her. "Exhausted from Chrismas shopping?" the woman asks. "You better believe it," Dru says. "But I ain't found something for my husband, and I gotta keep looking until I do." "I think I have just the perfect thing for you," the woman says. "You do?" Dru says, eyes widening. "You're Drucilla Winters, aren't you?" "That's right," she says, surprised to be recognized. "I saw that interview with you on TV where you talked about how supportive your husband was of your modeling career." Dru sighs and rolls her eyes. "That was a load of bull, wasn't it," the woman says. "You got that right, sister," Dru says. "My husband thinks my modeling career is a big disappointment to him. What he wants most is for me to be just a baby-making machine. And it don't even matter to him that I got this condition--P.I.D.-- that makes it so probably I can't have no kids." "I see," says the woman.

When Flo and Phillip are out of sight, Ryan returns to the door in front of Nina's and pounds on it. "Nina!" he yells. Nina opens the door to face him. "Ryan! I told you to go away. I don't want to see you any more." "I want the gun," Ryan says. "Ryan, I'm not going to use it any more. I'm over you now--I have no reason." Her eye betrays its location as she glances at a drawer very near where she is standing. But before he can move to get it, she opens the drawer herself and pulls out the gun, pointing it at him. "Ryan, I told you, you don't have to worry, I'm not going to try to shoot myself again. Now I want you out." He cuts her off. "It's not about you, Nina. It's about me! As soon as I went out of here, I realized what I had lost. I knew you weren't kidding when you said you never wanted to see me again. And I was suddenly faced with the prospect of ... going back to Trisha with nothing to hold her at bay. Nina, she was a fun little fling, but I can't MARRY her. She's totally neurotic and I'm sure she'd drive me crazy. Don't you see? I want the gun for myself! If my only choice is going back to Trisha, I might as well end it now."

"Whatcha doin'?" Victor Junior asks Cassie. "I'm making a motion," Cassie explains. "My mom says I'm good at that," Little Victor says. "She does?" Cassie asks, excitedly. "Do you want to check over my work when I'm done?" "No thanks. I'd rather make my own," he says as he gets up and runs around the room shrieking. "That's not a motion," Cassie says, suddenly figuring out what's going on. "That's a CUH-motion," she adds. "Oh," he says, sadly. Then she changes the subject. "You're lucky you have a mom--a real one, I mean." "I have a Dad, too," Victor says with pride. "Two, actually. Although one is away helping them with the farm equipment in Heaven right now." Cassie nods. "I have so many mothers and fathers I don't know what to do," she explains. "But I don't have a REAL mom." "Wow--how did that happen?" Victor asks with interest. "Well, first there was Alice, but she ran off and left me with Millie. And Millie really loved me, but she was old and didn't have any money. So then Grace came and told Millie she'd take me to my real mother, Sharon. But then Grace wasn't sure if Sharon was going to want me, so she kept me as hers and didn't tell me about Sharon." "Gee, Cassie, your life sounds like a regular soap opera," Victor says. "I don't think so," says Cassie. "On any regular soap opera they would have tied up this mess long before now. This MUST be real."

Megan looks up at her sister in the tree. "Trisha! Get down from there." Trisha looks through the binoculars and gasps. "Oh my god, she's got a gun!" She scurries down from the tree and goes racing into the lobby of Nina's apartment. "Hey!" Aaron yells. "You can't go in there!" "Nina's got a gun, call 9-1-1," Trisha yells as she continues through to the elevators. He sighs and picks up the phone. "Here we go again..."

"Drucilla, I think I have just the gift. It's called `The Sensitive Husband'." Dru starts to shake her head. "I don't know if that's exactly the message I wanna send right now." "You have to trust me, Drucilla. This isn't a gift FOR the sensitive husband--it's a gift designed to CREATE the sensitive husband." Dru looks more interested. "How does it work?" "Well, it's a kit, really. It's a spin-off of the new `politically correct' movement." "Oh, I don't think my husband is very political. He just wants a lot of kids." "No, the `politically correct' movement is about how husbands these days need to start sharing the burden equally with their wives." "Well, that seems fair to me. But the burden we're talking about is a little hard to share--see, he wants me to make babies for him." "And that's just what `The Sensitive Husband' can help you with. You see, with modern biotech tools, it really is NOT necessary for just the wife to bear that burden." "It ain't?" Dru asks. "No, Drucilla. Just watch."

"So Sharon's your real mommy?" Victor Junior asks Cassie. "Are you sure?" Cassie nods. "Yeah, but she doesn't know it." "Then how do you know?" "Oh, I've known for months. Grace is always talking to Tony about it. You know how it is. Grownups try to pretend that if they ignore us kids that we'll ignore them. It gets boring ignoring them. So I always listen in." Victor Junior nods. "I play that game, too," he says with a smile. "That's how I found out Victor Newman was my father." Cassie smiles and continues, "Anyway, I tried for a while to play on her conscience by calling her `Mom' and hoping she'd get the hint, but it didn't work. She's behaving like she thinks all there is to being my `Mom' is letting me call her that." "So whatcha gonna do? Make a commotion?" "No, that's not my style. I'm too well-behaved. She'd think I was sick or something if I did that. No, I'm afraid the only option left to me is to file a motion with the court asking them to clarify my parentage and return me to my rightful mother."

The door to Nina's apartment hadn't fully closed, and Trisha comes bounding in. Seeing Nina, she makes a bee-line for her and there is a struggle. The gun falls to the floor. Trisha grabs it triumphantly and stands. Nina, still on the floor, crawls back aways and looks up nervously as Trisha tries to figure out which end the bullet comes out of. "I got it, Ryan! Look!" She points it toward him and in her excitement she shoots him. Ryan falls to the ground. "Ryan!!" she shrieks. "Oh, what have I done?!!" She drops the gun and runs to Ryan. His forehead is in her arms as Detectives Wiley and Bates enter. "What's going on?" Salena Wiley asks. "Ryan's been shot," Nina says. "This little twit thought Ryan and I were reconciling, so she rushed in and grabbed that gun from the table and shot what she thought was her soon-to-be ex-lover." Bates examines the gun. "Looks like Exhibit A from the last trial." Nina says, "Check it for prints--I'm sure you'll find it's got Trisha's prints all over it. She had a little trouble figuring out how to point it in the right direction. But she surprised us all and managed to actually shoot Ryan. I'm sure if you hadn't gotten here when you did, I'd have been next." They put handcuffs on Trisha as she whines, "No, that's not how it happened at all. Ryan!! Tell them!!" But Ryan is unconscious, and probably remembers none of this. It looks bad for Trisha. Very bad.

The saleswoman pulls out a box that opens into a small chemlab and sets it in front of Dru. "Using this module, your husband would take a shaving of his own skin for cloning." "Cloning? But don't that mean it's only gonna be his baby and not mine?" "Oh, we also have the ability to make a shared baby in a test tube--but I just assumed from your description that your husband really didn't care about your side of it at all. If it's so important to him, to have HIS child, why not just let it be ALL HIS? This makes it simpler later for divorces, too, because it absolves you of any need to do child support." Dru is brightening. "Uh, huh... Go on." "So you grow the cells for a few weeks here in the incubator..." "Uh oh, I can see where this is going. And then they go back into my oven. But you see, I'm a model, and I can't have that." "No, Drucilla." She pulls out what looks like an expandable bag that seems to be full of some fluid. "You place the cell culture in this little ball and--this is the really satisfying part--you tell your husband to shove it up his butt for nine months." "Sounds painful." "And conventional motherhood isn't?" "You know, that's a very good point!" Dru says. "And the best part about this kit is that it's the gift that keeps on giving. All the parts can be washed--by your husband of course--and used again and again. Every time your husband wants a new baby, you can be there with him to explain where to stick it, over and over and over again." "And it's called `The Sensitive Husband, huh?" Dru asks. The woman nods. "OK, I'll take one. I think you're right--this is JUST what Neil needs..."

That's all for this episode. Hope you learned something. Don't miss Episode 73!
If you missed any older episodes, see the index.

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