Episode 15, originally published 18-Jan-97

Questionable Accidents

Away in Tahiti, Dru poses against beautiful sun and trees. "All right, folks, that's a wrap," a voice announces. Dru walks straight to a nearby chair in the shade of a portable makeup stand and collapses exhausted. She stares at herself in the mirror. "I never knew paradise could be so exhausting," she says to no one in particular. Sid, the High-Powered Agent, sits down next to her. "I'm sure you'll think it was worth it when you see this bonus check, Drucilla. You were wonderful." Drucilla opens the envelope and her eyes bulge. "This is for me?" He smiles, nods a self-satisfied nod, and pats her on the back. "Get used to it Drucilla. Your face is going to make millions for our client--it's only fair you should share in that." As he leaves, a makeup woman in a white coat walks up and begins to pack up the things on the counter. "Zara..." Dru begins tentatively. "Yes?" the woman replies. "How would you like to do one more little makeup job for me before we get back? I could make it worth your while." "Sounds intriguing," the woman agrees. "Tell me more."

In Victor's office, with Vic out of town, Jack and Jill have called a meeting to discuss their fairytale acquisition. Nick enters. "So! What'd you guys want?" Jack hands him a memo. "This," he says proudly. "It could make us millions," Jill says. "Perhaps BILLIONS," Jack adds. "But don't take our word for it. Read it over yourself and see what you think." Nick nods. "Ok, Jack. I have to run to school right now, but how 'bout we meet later this afternoon?" he says, trying to mimic the personal style of grown-up businessmen he has seen in action. He extends his hand and both Jack and Jill humor him by shaking it as the meeting breaks up.

Later, Zara and Dru are together in some non-descript hotel. Cases of stage makeup and rubber masks are unpacked all around. Zara busies herself in background as Dru talks into the phone. "Honey?" she says. "I didn't want to mention it earlier but, well, we wrapped up early and I was on my way home and -- well, I was in a little accident. ... No, no, I'm fine now, I'm just taking longer to get home than I thought--so I won't be home early. But I should be home at the time we originally planned. I just may be a little bandaged up, ok? ... Stop it now, I said I was fine. NO, you shouldn't come here--our planes would just pass in the air. ... That's right--tomorrow morning. Neil, I am FINE. ... Right. Kiss Lily for me. ... Yes, I'll be FINE. ... You too, Neil." She hangs up. Zara asks, "Did he buy it?" Dru nods, "Oh yeah--he bought it. He's plenty worried, and it'll do him some good. Maybe NOW he'll understand that life is short and he better let me model while I'm able. Yeah, a bit of good ol' fashioned fretting is just the ticket for him and his caveman attitudes."

Paul and Cricket are walking together at night. Suddenly, a car starts to accelerate toward them in slow motion. Cricket turns toward the car and a sudden visual zoom effect brings it into focus for us. Next to the car, which continues to move in slow motion, is a shop labeled "Pet Store". In its window is a large exotic aquarium. Suddenly, twin laser beams about 3 inches apart pierce the window and cause the aquarium to explode, spraying watercritters everywhere. An icky, tentacled beast attaches itself to the car's window, blocking the driver's vision. The car veers and barely misses killing Paul and Cricket. The driver's arm, clearly that of a woman, reaches out of the car and onto the window, where the squid is removed and hurled into the air like a frisbee, seeming to just arch into the sky never to return. We zoom to the frisbee and follow it as its spins into a blur.

When the blur resolves, we see three beds of differing sizes on a beach in the Caribbean. Paul gets into the largest of them, then jumps out screaming, carrying an icky rubbery thing. "This bed has too much octopus, he says." He goes to the small bed. Cricket is there, but the visit is otherwise uneventful. After a short while, he gets up. "Something the matter?" Cricket asks. His lips do not move but we hear his voice respond, "This bed has too little octopus." When his lips do move, they instead say, "I was just wondering what this middle bed is about." He gets in the middle bed and crawls under the covers. There is much commotion, like a friendly wrestling match, and at one point we plainly see Phyllis's head poke out until Paul's hand reaches out and pushes her head back down under the covers. The focus adjusts again as if we're leaving a dream sequence and we hear, "Paul? Paul? Are you ok? You look like you're having that same dream." "I'm fine Chris." She breathes a sigh of relief, then asks, "Well, do you want to talk about it?"

At the airport, Dru enters. She is heavily bandaged. She looks around for Lily. "She's not here, baby," explains Neil. "I didn't think it would be good for her to see you until I'd surveyed the damage." Neil gives her a hug and peeks under the bandages where, thanks to Zara, he sees some really awful cuts, sealed with stiches, that are sure to lead to scarring. "Wow," he says, "this looks really bad." She nods and he puts his arm around her as they walk together to a waiting limo. A Jabot driver loads their bags into the trunk. Once in the limo, Dru says, "So you see Neil, I was right to want to do the modeling while I had a chance--I may never have another chance now!" She fakes a sob. "What are you TALKING about Dru? This would NEVER have happened if you had not been out galavanting around the world and instead had been home taking care of your daughter where you belonged. You need to give more priority to your family--maybe now you'll have time to see that--though I wish it didn't have to have happened this way."

Later, the three Newman co-conspirators are again together in Victor's office. "Well?" Jack says. "It's bunk," says Nick. "I had my Business 101 class this afternoon. I handed this to my instructor and asked if he could use this as a case lesson for the group." The two look aghast that he would violate company confidentiality this way. "I told him it was a made up scenario. He thumbed through it, and almost didn't stop laughing in time for class, but he finally agreed to do it because he said it would teach us a lot." The two J-birds look stunned as we cut to commercial.

"Neil Winters, you selfish pig, I can't believe that you're clinging to your outdated attitudes and pushing them in my face, even now while I'm still in pain over the loss of my career. You KNOW I care about this family as much as you do." Neil laughs, "Dru, if you cared about the family, you would have been home with the family." The car has pulled up and Dru gets out. Neil doesn't follow her. "You're not coming home?" she says. "Victor's due back in town tomorrow, baby. I have to go to work to be ready." Dru shrieks at his sustained hypocrisy and slams the door in his face.

"What's not to like?" Jack says brashly. Nick says, "Well, first, he said that no business is a sure thing. To make millions or billions, you have to take real risks. There's no risk analysis here at all. It just says `sure win' all over it. He says that's called a `red flag'--a warning sign. He said this had LOTS of them. He also said that not every deal was good for every company--he wanted to know if we had the time and resources to focus on this exclusively. And knowing the rate at which Dad acquires companies, I couldn't answer yes to that one. `Oh--RED FLAG' he told me." Jill shakes her head. "Darn, and I was just so sure." Nick nods, "Hey, this education thing has its good side, you know. It seems to save you from really obvious errors. You should try it, Jill. And Jack--well, maybe it's time for a sabbatical to get a few refresher courses?" They are silent. "Well," he continues, "if there are no more proposals for me to review, I call this meeting to a close. Back to work folks. I assume you have REAL responsibilities beyond trying to sink my inheritance? I thought so."

Back in Dru's apartment. The phone rings and Dru picks it up. "Calling to apologize, Neil?" she says into it without waiting. Now we see the chauffer at a pay phone. The flashing lights of parked police cars illuminate figures walking around in the background. "It's not Neil, ma'am," a voice says hesitantly. There's been an accident. Neil's injured and has been rushed to Genoa City Memorial." There is silence. On the other end of the phone, the receiver has been dropped and Drucilla is hurrying Lily out the door. "Come on, sweetie," she says. "We have to hurry..."

"Wow, that was some dream you had," Cricket says. "That's really awful how the giant cockroach stuck to the window of the car that way. What could that have been about? Are you really sure that it was Danny in the driver's seat who was blinded by it?" She shivers and makes a motion like spitting something out. "Ick. It makes me shudder just thinking about it. And what do you make of that middle bed at the end--the one that was empty?" "I don't know," Paul replies. "I agree. It was VERY weird. But even though the dream starts badly, it always ends up well after I come back from the middle bed. You and I were having REALLY good sex at the end. So next time try not to wake me quite so fast, ok?" he pleads. "Well--ok," says Cricket. "But you sure have that dream a lot. Seems like almost every night. Just don't let your fantasy view of me overtake reality, ok?" Paul smiles happily. "Oh, don't worry Chris, that would never happen."

That's all for this episode. Hope you learned something. Don't miss Episode 16!
If you missed any older episodes, see the index.

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