Episode 113, originally published 19-Oct-98

Matters of Life and Death

Nick enters Grace's hotel room to find her there daydreaming about life as a Newman. "We have to talk," he says, breaking her out of her reverie. "Of course, my love," she says. "What about?" "The engagement." "It's ok. I can wait. I understand you'll need time to divorce Sharon." "No, Grace. Your engagement to Tony." "Tony?" "Your fiance?" She stares at him blankly. "Now, look, Grace, I've got this all figured out, so just work with me here, ok?" "Always," she says. "Now, you're engaged to Tony and you just made a mistake." "A mistake?" "Yes, a mistake. You thought I was Tony." "And I got confused about that?" "Why not? These things happen." "Like when you confused me with Sharon?" "Exactly!" "But--" "No listen. I have this figured out. Now, I made a mistake once. And now you made one. So we're finally even. They cancel. Neither event EVER happened. Ok?"

Tony is at Crimson Lights. Seeing Jay at the bar, he gets up and goes to chat with him. "So what's up, man?" Jay asks. "Not much--yet. But by now my woman's probably on a plane headed home. I can't wait." "I hear ya," Jay says. "Can I fix you a drink while you wait?" Tony shakes his head. "Nope," he says, "I still have one at my table." He goes to sit back down and sip on it as his eyes dart around the room. In the distant corner, he sees Trisha giving him an "I'm watching you" kind of look. He gets up and starts to walk toward her when suddenly he collapses on the dance floor.

At the hospital, Tony is in a bed unconscious. Grace, Ryan, and Meg hover around as Olivia takes his pulse and writes some things on a clipboard. Grace is obviously just in from Denver, as evidenced by the presence of her suitcase on a chair next to the bed. "Dr. Winters," Grace asks, "how is he?" "I'm not sure," she says with a frown. "He seems to be poisoned." "But he's going to be ok, right?" Meg says. "It's too early to tell," Olivia says. "It would help if we knew what the poison was. We pumped his stomach, but some of it had clearly already gone to the bloodstream, and--" Meg bursts into tears and Olivia takes the opportunity to sneak out. "Who is she?" Grace whispers to Ryan. "I'm not sure it's my place to--" Ryan starts to say. "Ryan, it's ok. Tony may be dying. Any little things he may have had are small potatoes now." "Well, it's just someone he had been talking to at Crimson Lights. It may have been nothing. He did kiss her though." Grace looks surprised. "Recently?" "About two weeks ago." "Ah," Grace says understandingly. "You don't seem angry." "Not really. Tony was probably giving up on me--I'd given him every reason to believe our engagement was over." "Really?" Ryan says. "Trisha and Meg thought he was just toying with Megan at the same time as he was going out with you. They thought he was being a jerk." "Ryan!" Grace whispers. "Tony is a wonderful guy. He would never have done such a thing." "Well, when I mentioned it to him, he didn't defend himself." "Well, I said he was a nice guy. I didn't say he was bright," Grace admits.

At Ryan and Trisha's, Megan is visiting, moping about Tony. "Sis, will you stop that?" Trisha harangues her. "That Tony is such a jerk." "Actually," Ryan says, "I--" "I don't want to hear it," Trisha says. "He two-timed my sister and that's that." "Wait, I want to hear what Ryan has to say," Meg says. "Well, it's just that--well,--apparently Tony thought his engagement to Grace was on the rocks. He didn't think he was two-timing." "He din't?" Trisha says, surprised. "No," Ryan says. "So he wasn't being a jerk," Megan says. Trisha sighs. "Can I talk to Ryan alone for a minute?" she asks Meg. "Sure," Megan says, going into the other room. "Wanting to apologize to me about the way you were treating Tony?" "Actually, I wanted to give you this," she says, handing him a small vial. "What's this?" "It's the antidote, ok?" "Antidote?" "For Tony's poison." "You poisoned him?" "Well, how was I to know it was just a misunderstanding? Ryan, I thought he had made my little sister unhappy." "So you POISONED him?" "Look, it was a misunderstanding, ok? Geez, you can get so worked up about the smallest things. Are you going to go save his life or what?" She checks her watch. "He has about 33 minutes left to live. You should have time." As he races toward the door, she calls after him. "Ryan?" He stops and looks at her. "What?" "I love you, Ryan. Don't ever lie to me like I thought Tony lied to Megan, ok?"

At the hospital, Ryan hands Olivia the vial. "Look, don't ask any questions, just give this to Tony, ok?" "I can't just--what is it?" "It came by anonymous messenger. It was marked `Antidote for Tony'." "And it came to you?" "What can I say? Look, you only have 7 minutes left. Would you mind hurrying?"

In the hospital room, Tony is awake and sitting up up, preparing to stand. It looks like he's had one of those miraculous recoveries. He sees Grace's suitcase has fallen on the floor and fallen open. He starts to pick it up and re-pack it as Grace enters. "Grace, I'm so glad you're here," he says. "We have to talk about our wedding." She blushes. "Uh, Tony, don't you think you should get better first?" In a voice over of her thoughts, we hear her add "What am I going to tell him about what happened with Nick? I can't go through with this wedding now, I--" He interrupts her thoughts. "No, look, Grace, the timing is perfect. I set it all up while you were away. Everything's all set--the ceremony, the flowers, the minister--I was thinking, all you'd need is a dress. But here's one." He starts to unfold the dress, as she whips it away from him. "No, Tony, I can't wear that." "Why not? It looks like a fine dress. What's wrong with it?" "What's WRONG with it?" she repeats back at him in a tone of amazed disbelief. She grabs the dress and holds it out to him, as if the answer should be obvious. "Just look, Tony! Look at it. I couldn't possibly wear it. It has a stain on it!"

* * *

Lynne is sitting at her desk working on a crossword puzzle when Paul walks out from his office reading a piece of paper. "Lynne?" he asks. "Yes, boss?" she responds dutifully. "I don't get this--it must be a mistake. We posted ten times the normal revenue this month." "That's right, boss," Lynne says. "But Lynne, we haven't done even twice the work," Paul says, hoping this will help her see his problem. "I know," she responds. "Isn't it great?" He stops and stares at her. "All right," he says, "out with it." "Out with what?" "The secret." "Oh, there's no secret. I promise. There is NO secret." "Well, there is from me. Come on, out with it--how did we make ten times the money we usually do?" Lynne sighs. "Just had to ask, huh, boss? Ok, here." She throws in the newspaper. "Page 3," she adds. He turns to page 3 and sees a large ad for the Williams Detective Agency. It reads: "Do you need information on Callie Rogers? Many people do. And rather than wait, why not buy it from the people who already have it? Just stop by and sign up today." "You're kidding," Paul says. "Sorry, boss," Lynne says. "People responded to this?" "In droves. That's where all the money came from." She smiles smugly.

* * *

Diane is in the bathroom of the master bedroom with Victor waiting in the bed. She grabs a phone off the wall and calls Michael, who is in bed, but answers anyway. "Michael?" she asks. "Who's that?" Phyllis asks Michael. Michael brushes Phyllis away with his hand and says into the phone, "I'm here. What's up?" "Victor." "As in..." "As in, yes. As in. Or nearly in. Look, do I have to go through with this?" "If you don't, you may lose your fortune." "But I--" "Just keep thinking about the satisfaction of winning." "Michael, I have another idea." "An idea? What kind of idea?"

Nikki and Victor are on the phone. He is waiting for Diane to come out of the bathroom. "Victor, what's going on? Where are you? Why haven't you come?" "I'm just about to," he says cryptically. "Well, hurry," she says. He hangs up. Diane enters with champagne in hand. "I wanted us to have another toast," she says. "What an excellent idea," he says. They clink glasses and drink. Victor slumps over asleep. Diane smiles.

"Michael, I was brilliant," Diane tells Victor. "Didn't he suspect?" "Victor? Nah. He almost always falls asleep before he makes it with me." "I see," Michael chuckles. "So can we please get on with the divorce now?" Michael shakes his head. "Nope." "Well, do I have to do this again?" "No." "What then?" "Well, I'm afraid Victor hasn't blinked yet. We need to make him blink." "But how? What can I do NOW?" "I want you to get pregnant." "Pregnant?" "Yes," Michael says. "I'll even help. Strictly professionally, of course. Just for the cause." "But what if he wants to test it, to see if it's his." "Don't worry--he'll blink long before that." "Can't we just tell him I'm pregnant?" Michael shrugs. "I GUESS so..."

"She's what?" Cricket asks, as Victor explains the situation by phone. "Pregnant." "Oh, no she's not." "Perhaps I should just think about settling." "No way. Victor, you've come too far. So to speak. Look, you've got to carry through with this. Tell her you'll be father to the child." "But what if she goes along with it?" "Victor, she won't. We'll have the fetus tested. When it's not yours, you'll be off the hook."

A week passes. Diane is pacing. "Michael, he's not blinking. He says he can't wait to test it to be sure it's his. He reminded me of his vasectomy, and says it couldn't be me." "Well, then you'll just have to convince him he leaked." "Michael, I can't--unless..." Suddenly, she remembers AWO Episode 72, and the sperm of Victor's left in the GC sperm bank.

A month has passed when Victor gets word from the doctor. "Mr. Newman? I'm pleased to announce that the child your wife is pregnant with is in fact yours." "My wife?" he asks. "Yes," the doctor replies. "You're talking about..." "About your wife," he repeats. "And that would be?" "Mrs. Newman. Mrs. Diane Newman?" "Ah, of course. Diane." "Is there some doubt about your wife? Perhaps I should have been testing her instead?" "No. Thank you. That won't be necessary." He hangs up the phone and sits stunned in his chair. "Well, I'll be damned," he says.

More time passes. "Michael! You told me I could get an abortion," Diane says. "Well, I just assumed Victor would insist on it," Michael says. "I'm afraid you're going to have to carry it to term." She sighs.

Still more time has passed. Nikki is much older now, but Victor never seems to change in age. Victor is visiting Nikki at the ranch. "How much longer is that woman going to interfere in our life?" "Just until little Rikki grows up," Victor explains. "Well, can't you hurry it up? Send him to Switzerland or something? I could be dead before this is all over."

More time passes. It is the year 2010. Victor is in his office, staring at a DOS screen, wondering if he should upgrade to Windows 3.1 when suddenly a young man enters. Victor looks up. "Well, well, ... Rikki?" "Hello, Dad," Rikki says tentatively. "You're all done with that Swiss graduate school, are you?" "Actually, I have another year to go, Dad." Victor looks perplexed. "Then why have you come?" he asks. "It's about my godmother, Nikki, Dad. She's dying. Of old age." "Of old age? Are you sure?" "I'm sure, Dad. Isn't there some way that maybe you could--be with her? It's her dying wish..."

Michael's office. The camera sweeps quickly past a picture of Michael and Cricket, holding each other lovingly, and two young kids in front of them. A lot has happened in the last few years. Diane paces around. "Michael, he wants a temporary divorce. He says it's just for a little while. So he can give Nikki her dying wish." "Didn't you do this already once?" Michael says. "Weellll.." Diane says. "He promises it's just temporary. And Nikki is dying of old age--it's not like she's going to recover." "No, Diane. This is just the wedge we need. We can finally bring him to divorce court." "Wait. You want me to deny Victor a divorce to force him to divorce me?" Michael nods proudly. "Exactly." "Michael, are you SURE you know what you're doing?" "Do you want your settlement or not?" "I do, but I don't know if I can take this any more. I think I just want out." "Out? Out? We've been in it this long and now suddenly you want out?" He sighs. "Ok, I've got one more idea."

Later, Michael enters his apartment to find Cricket sitting on the couch in a sleazy robe. "Michael, you're home!" She runs to him and gives him a big kiss. Michael seems distracted, though, and doesn't kiss back. "Oh, you're still stuck on work, aren't you," she says pouting. He nods. "Want to talk about it?" "It's Diane's case." "And you can't talk about it." "Not unless you promise not to tell." She drags him toward the bedroom saying, "I have ways to make you talk."

The scene changes slightly. Cricket and Michael are in bed, making love. As they talk, things get steamier. "And then what?" she asks excitedly. "And then I told her she was going to have to die." "Oh, Michael, that's so brilliant. You really get me hot with your lawyerly brilliance," she says. "Can I have Victor die, too?" she asks eagerly. "Absolutely," Michael says. "We can make it a veritable Romeo and Juliet." "Exactly," Cricket says, and they go back to their passion, filled with excitement about the prospects.

A month later, Michael visits Diane at a cabin in the woods. "Michael!" she says. "How have you been?" Michael asks. "I'm fine. But I want to go back and join the real world. This `being dead' is really boring." "Not yet, I think Victor's ready to blink." "Victor? He's been dead for months. He's not going to blink any more." "He's not dead." "Of course, he's dead. I read about it in the Genoa City Chronicle." "Look, trust me, I know. He'd like you to believe he's dead so you'll drop the divorce suit--" "Divorce suit? How can I divorce a dead man?" "Look, he's no more dead than you are." "How do you know?" "I just know, ok?"

Later that day, Michael has gone and Diane is wandering the woods alone. Suddenly she comes across another cabin she's not noticed before. In the yard, she sees Victor chopping wood in his black tank-top t-shirt. "Victor?" she asks. He looks up. "Well, well, well," he says. "Diane? "What are you doing here, Victor?" she asks. "What does it look like?" he says. "I'm being dead. And you?" "The same." "Well, then, it seems maybe we have something in common." "It's true," she admits. "It's just nice to see another living soul... or dead soul, for that matter." "I agree," Victor says. "Would you care to join me for a bite to eat?" "I'd like that," she says. "Who knows?" she adds. "This could be a whole new start for us."

That's all for this episode. Hope you learned something. Don't miss Episode 114!
If you missed any older episodes, see the index.

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