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Date: 25 Nov 1997 08:22:20 -0500
From: pitman@anotherwayout.com (Kent M Pitman)
Newsgroups: rec.arts.tv.soaps.cbs
Subject: Y&R: AWO#73: "Turkey Day"
Message-ID: <sfwiuthds6r.fsf@world.std.com>
INSIDE... * Will Nikki be unknowingly bowled over by Sarah?
* Will Diane take the Nikki threat lying down?
* Will John and Katherine's wedding come off without a hitch?
* Will Jill and Ryan spend Thanksgiving all alone?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
ANOTHER WAY OUT, Episode 73, 25-Nov-97 by Kent Pitman (kmp@harlequin.com)
"Turkey Day"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ryan is in Jill's office. Jill is pacing back and forth. "I can't believe it,
Ryan. Have you heard the latest?" "That Mr. Abbott and Mrs. Chancellor are
getting married? What's wrong with that?" "What do you mean `What's wrong
with that?' Are you blind, Ryan? The age difference for one. John's barely
able to keep up with little Billy as it is--he needs someone YOUNGER than him
to help him out. Katherine's old enough to be--well, not just his but anyone's
grandmother." "But she's got help. There's Esther--" "Oh sure, Esther.
Just goes to prove my point--Katherine's RICH enough to hire anyone she needs
but who does she hire? The one woman on the planet whose IQ can triple every
day without ever risking growing any larger." "So who would you put with
John Abbott--you sound an awful lot like it's sour grapes." "No, Ryan, it is
NOT sour grapes. I'm just worried I'll never see Billy again..." Ryan nods.
"I know what you mean." Jill looks at him, suddenly remembering his loss.
Nikki is with Joshua at the Newman Ranch. "You know, Joshua, I've been
thinking, maybe we should move our Thanksgiving celebration to Friday."
"Friday? But isn't Thursday the traditional day? And I thought we already
sent out invitations." "Well, we can just send out unvitations. The thing
is, Victor can't make it until Friday and--" "--and you don't want to feed him
leftover turkey." "Well, let's just say I like it better when the whole
family is coordinated on when we're going to eat." "But what will we do on
Thursday?" She smiles. "Oh, I'm sure I can find you something to eat that
will keep you satisfied..." "Ok, ok..." he says. "Really? You agree to move
the event?" "Would it make any difference if I didn't? You've already made
up your mind, haven't you?" "Well, I just think ..." "... that it would be
better this way, right?" "Exactly." "It sounds fine, Nikki. Really.
Besides, this way, I think I could get into some of the planning of the menu."
"Oh, well, Miguel's probably got that all planned--it's just a matter of
rolling it out on a different day." "No, I meant the menu for THURSDAY."
"Oh. OH... Why Doctor, this may be the start of a wonderful new holiday
tradition... Remind me to thank Diane." "Diane? I thought this change of
schedule was Victor's idea." Nikki shakes her head, amazed. "You know, even
with a college degree, you men can be so dumb sometimes..."
Jill asks Ryan, "So what will you be doing for Thanksgiving?" "I haven't
decided yet. I told Trisha I needed to be alone... You? I assume you're
having dinner with Keith?" "No, Keith's been mysteriously missing these last
few weeks. I don't know where he's gone. And the kids don't want to have me
around if he's not there. Katherine invited me to her house on Friday..."
"Friday?" "It's a long story--something to do with Victor and Diane. But
anyway, everyone in Genoa City seems to be doing Thanksgiving on Friday this
year. Plus John and Katherine seem intent on tying the knot. To tell the
truth, I'm just not sure I'm up to it." "Well, maybe we should have dinner
together," Ryan suggests. "We? You and I?" she asks. He says, "Sure, why
not. You and I used to have dinner together once in a while. You even used
to enjoy it as I recall." She thinks a moment more about where Keith has gone
and then lets go of him. "Sure, why not, Ryan? You've got a date."
Jack knocks on the door of the Newman Ranch. He carries a bouquet of
fall-colored flowers. Inside, we see the couches have been pushed out
of the way and there's a heap of covers on the living room floor. Nikki's
head peeks out and she stands, pulling a blanket around her. "I'll get it,
Miguel," she says, as if it weren't obvious that Miguel had already been
instructed to stay clear of whatever was going on in the living room.
"Jack!" Nikki says, opening the door, the blanket wrapped around her.
"Well, hallelujah!" Jack says. "Huh?" Nikki says, confused. "Looks like
Victor finally went bankrupt and stole the shirt off your back." She frowns
playfully at him. "Jack! Even if it were true, I have a new husband now.
I'm not dependent on Victor any more." "Oh, right. Sorry, the way he
meddles with all of our lives, I sometimes forget." "So Jack, what brings
you by? Didn't you get an unvitation?" "Unvitation? What's that? I
didn't even get an INvitation." "Oh--that's right. Well, you said you
couldn't come. So I guess you don't know the big event has been moved until
tomorrow." "Tomorrow? Then what's going on today?" He glances down at her
almost-clothing. She giggles. "Oh, I get it. Never mind. Forget I--uh,..."
Kurt knocks on the door at the Chancellor estate. Esther opens the door.
"Kurt! I mean, Dr. Costner! We weren't expecting you... were we?" she says
uncertainly. "No, Esther, I suppose you weren't expecting me. And please,
it's Kurt." Katherine comes up to the door and says, "Esther, the man
practically lives here, for God's sake--let him in." "Well, I didn't want
to be presumptuous, Katherine, it has been a while," says Kurt apologetically.
"It has indeed," says Katherine, "but don't just stand there in the doorway.
Please, come in, come in." She looks to Esther. "Esther, don't just stand
there--he's probably exhausted after walking all the way from the airport."
Esther's eyes widen. "You didn't come in a cab?" "No, Esther. It's not my
style," he says. Katherine glares at Esther. "Esther, a drink, please."
"Right away, Mrs. A--uh, Mrs. C--sorry, I was practicing and it slipped."
She rushes out.
"It's ok, Jack," Nikki volunteers. "I should have told you about the
cancellation. But as long as you're here, why don't you come in? I'm sure
Miguel can fix you up a peanut butter sandwich or something." "A peanut
butter sandwich? For Thanksgiving?" "Well, it'll give you reason to be
grateful tomorrow." "Tomorrow? It took me enough work to talk myself into
stopping by today--I don't know if I'll be able do it again tomorrow. But I do
have something to be thankful for today." "What's that?" "That the mustache
isn't here. He isn't, is he?" "No, Jack. That's the reason for the
postponement. He wanted to spend the day with--" Jack's face falls. Nikki is
instantly apologetic. "Oh, I'm sorry." "Don't be, Nik. It's not your fault.
I'm sure you did everything in your power to have him out here today. Anyway,
the Great Man's not here and the peanut butter sandwiches are flowing--I say
it sounds like time for giving thanks." Joshua appears at the door, wearing a
more conventional robe. "I overheard part of that," Joshua says. "I agree
completely--a day without Victor is a day worth celebrating, Jack. Come on
in." Nikki looks at Joshua, surprised, then back at Jack, trying to assess
their seriousness. "That's my husband," she says finally. "Always joshing."
Kurt looks to Katherine with a curious smile. "Esther called you `Mrs. A'?
As in `Abbott'?" Katherine nods. "Yes, Kurt, if you've realized your error in
chasing after those younger women and have finally come back to sweep me off
my feet, I'm afraid you're too late." "So you're married?" "Well, very
close. We're celebrating Thanksgiving tomorrow, and John Abbott and I will be
wed immediately after the meal." Kurt hugs her. "Well, if you're really sure
you want him and not me, then who am I to stand in the way?" Esther enters
with a drink for Kurt, then stands waiting. "Speaking of standing in the
way," she says in the vain hope that Esther will take the hint. She doesn't.
"You are dismissed, Esther. That will be all." "Oh, it's ok. I don't mind
staying," Esther says. Katherine changes tactics. "That will be all, Esther.
Please take the rest of the day off if you like. I won't have any further
need for you around here this afternoon." "Are you sure, ma'am?" Katherine
locks eyes with her. "Yes, Esther. I am SURE. Confine yourself to the
kitchen area until the meal is ready tomorrow." Esther nods sadly. "Yes,
ma'am..." She slinks out.
Kurt and Katherine go back to looking at each other. "So, John and you..." he
says. Katherine smiles. "Well, no doubt he won't measure up to
your--uh,--shall we say 'skill'. But he IS dependable." "Oh, dependable.
That's almost as good as being in love with the man." "And he did compliment
me on my recent facial." "Dependable AND complimentary. Be still my beating
heart," Kurt mocks. Katherine laughs. "Well, the man is a bit on the dull
side, I have to admit. But my hope is that he can grow into the role of my
social partner." "Katherine, if anyone can help him do that, I'm sure it will
be you." "You really think so?" Katherine says, genuinely happy for the
praise. "I know so. Katherine, to tell the truth, the reason I took off with
those women before was that I wasn't sure if I was ready for--" "A
relationship with an old lady?" Kate asks. "A relationship with such a
complex and powerful person," he corrects her. Katherine nods with
understanding and a bit of embarrassment. "Why Kurt, what a sweet thing to
say. How could I help but forgive you?"
It's Friday. Sarah is with Miguel in the Newman kitchen. In the background
is an enormous loading dock where people are unloading huge quantities of
food. "Isn't this an awful lot of food for this small a number of people?
One could feed a small country with this much food," Sarah observes. "Often
we do," Miguel says. He points to several large trailer trucks waiting
farther in the distance. "At the end of the evening, the leftovers from this
will be rushed to Genoa City International airport, where Mr. Newman's pilot
Wally will fly them to needy people all over the world." "Wow! This Mr.
Newman is awfully generous," Sarah says. "Oh, Mr. Newman has nothing to do
with it," Miguel explains. "It was my idea. I observed that Mr. Newman is
always tied up at the ranch here at Thanksgiving, so Wally always has a few
days free." "But isn't it expensive?" "Compared to the budget for ranch
food? Not really. As head of household services here at the Newman ranch, I
have considerable signing authority."
Ashley is driving John to Katherine's for the wedding. "I know you wish you
could have spent the day with Cole," says John, "but I really appreciate that
you chose to spend Thanksgiving Friday with the old guy." "Oh, Daddy!" says
Ashley. "You're getting married. Of course I'd want to be here with you! ...
Not to mention the small fact that Cole's wife is back in town and he has
pneumonia. So this did seem like the more appropriate option. Besides, if I
hadn't come, who would have watched over you to make sure you relax for a
while. Look how early you're having us arrive--I'm just sure they're not
expecting us yet." "Well, my pretty, I just wanted to be there to help
Katherine out in greeting guests, that sort of thing." Ashley shakes her
head. "Dad, I'm going to take care of anything that sounds like work. Your
ONLY role today is to relax, eat, and get married. Is that understood?" John
laughs and shakes his head. "Ok, ok. I should have known this would happen."
The car pulls into the Chancellor driveway.
Sarah is pondering a small bowl of asparagus. "Miguel?" He comes to see
what she is looking at. "Yes, Sarah?" he asks, waiting for her to ask the
obvious question. "With all this food, why is there only half a bowl of
asparagus?" "Well, no one who's been invited likes asparagus--just Nikki.
Experience shows that if I put out a whole dish, she badgers everyone at the
table incessantly about why she's the only one eating it. So at the request
of numerous household members, I now put out the dish nearly empty, at the
other end of the table from Nikki. And by the time it reaches her, she
assumes it's empty because people have been helping themselves." Sarah smiles
a private smile. "Just Nikki? You're sure?" Miguel looks at her with a look
that almost betrays disappointment. "Will Nikki and Victor get back
together?" She blinks. "Huh?" "Oh, sorry--just an inside joke around here.
Of course I'm sure." Sarah gets it all of a sudden. She laughs meekly from
embarrassment.
Esther comes to the door and greets the early arrivals. "Mr. A!" she says,
ignoring Ashley for the moment. "Hello, Esther. I know we're early, we just
came by to help with the preparations." Esther smiles. "Well that's great
because there's a ton of work to be done, and--" Ashley stops her before she
assigns John a long list of kitchen tasks. "And my father won't be doing any
of it," says Ash, "but I will. So maybe you could show John to the living
room and..." Esther blushes. "Oh, of course." The three go toward the
Living Room and there is a sudden shriek from Esther as she sees Kurt and
Katherine, covered only by a blanket, but quite clearly curled into each
others' nude arms. "Ohmygod!" Ashley says in one quick, quiet gasp. John
just stands there and gets redder and redder until he collapses onto the
floor.
Kurt and Katherine awaken with Esther's shriek to see the interlopers. "Uh
oh," says Kurt, "looks like we overslept." Katherine sees John fall to the
ground and says, "John, dear! This isn't entirely what what it appears to
be...." Esther says to Katherine, "I don't think he can hear you, Mrs. C. I
read a poll in the Global Inquisitor that when people are having a heart
attack, they're 87% more likely to commit social errors than--" Kurt,
fortunately wearing his boxers, is up from the couch. As he moves, he raises
his hand to Esther indicating his desire for her to desist, and she complies.
He listens to John's chest and pounds it a few times. Then he applies mouth
to mouth. Eventually, he sits back up and Ashley asks, "Is my father ok?"
"He's going to be fine," Kurt says. Everyone breathes a sigh of relief.
In the Newman dining room, the entire Newman family is carefully arranged
around the Newman table. Victor and Nikki sit at long ends of the table, with
their spouses at their sides. Nick, Sharon, Tony, Grace, Cassie, and Victoria
form a neutral buffer zone between. (Cole is presumably still sick with
pneumonia.) Dishes of yummy looking food are being passed around and everyone
tries to behave as if this were a day of peace and happiness where all evils
are put aside. Miguel and Sarah run various dishes back and forth to the
kitchen, and circle filling glasses with liquor, sparkling water, and other
favorites. Amidst the chit chat, we hear Diane say "Oh, look at this,
asparagus! I haven't had this in years." She dishes some out to herself and
passes it along. We see various family members turn up their noses at it. It
stops with Nikki, who empties the bowl. "Well, it seems that we do have
something in common after all," Nikki says, noticing that only Diane has
partaken. "So it seems," Diane says with a tone of forced civility. Both
women go back to eating. Victor raises his glass. "I would like to propose a
toast," he says. Everyone looks to him. "To family. May there always be
enough of whatever is deserved to go around." There are muffled "hear,
hear"'s from around the table and there is much clinking of glasses. Then,
suddenly, Nikki, Diane, and Nick slump forward into their respective piles of
mashed potatoes, causing screams and commotion from all around.
There is silence in the Chancellor living room for a short while, but Esther
finally breaks it, "Gee, Mr. Costner, it sure was a lucky thing you were here
with Mrs. C.--who knows what would have happened if you weren't." Ashley
rolls her eyes and says, "Yeah, who knows--maybe my father and Katherine would
have gotten married." Esther gasps.. "You mean they aren't? But all the
plans are made and the minister--" Katherine stops her. "Esther, do I smell
the other turkey burning?" Esther sniffs the air, then she stops to puzzle.
"The other turkey?" Katherine says, "Later, Esther. Attend to the burning
turkey first. Ask stupid questions later, ok?" Esther nods, only slightly
disappointed. "Yes, ma'am," she says as she rushes out. John, miraculously
recovered thanks to St. Kurt, is sitting up at this point just in time to see
Jack push his way in the door. "Well, well, Jackie!" John exclaims quietly.
Jack puzzles over the odd scene, with John and a semi-nude Kurt on the floor
and Katherine huddled under a blanket. "Well, hello all..." says Jack. He
turns to the lady of the house. "Katherine, you're well-known for your
engaging parlor games, but I must admit I don't recognize this one..."
Katherine looks back at him with uncertainty and mild embarrassment. "Yes,
well, I'm afraid this one may be more disengaging than some ..." Jack looks
to the others, who are nodding blankly. "Will someone PLEASE tell me what's
going on?"
Victor and Joshua are sitting in the waiting room at GC Memorial. Suddenly,
Detectives Salena Wiley and Warren Bates walk by pushing carts containing
Diane and Nikki, each prone but handcuffed. "Excuse me, but what exactly is
going on here," Victor says. "These people are under arrest," Salena
explains. "Both of them? But why?" Joshua asks, confused. "For the attempted
murder of each other." "What? That's the most preposterous thing I've ever
heard," Joshua says. "I'm sorry, Dr. Landers. I know it must come as a
shock. But it's the only thing that matches the pattern of facts," Detective
Bates explains. "The facts?" asks Victor. "Yes, their asparagus at the dinner
party was poisoned." "And you think they poisoned each other?" Victor says,
still confused. "It's the only explanation," Salena says. Joshua looks at
them suspiciously, "Let me get this straight. My wife put poison in the
asparagus to poison Diane? And then she ate some of the poisoned asparagus?"
"We assume it happened in the other order," explains Bates. "And Nikki?"
"Same drill," Bates says. "But they can't both have put the poison in first."
"Why not?" asks Bates. "Because that would be stupid," Victor says. "It
would mean they'd both be poisoned." "Which they are," Salena observes.
"Have you got a better theory?" Bates asks. Victor shakes his head. "No, I
don't." "Well, neither have we," Salena chimes in.
As the two detectives start to wheel their suspects away, Victor calls back to
them suddenly. "But what about m'boy? Nicholas. Did he eat the asparagus
also?" Bates replies, "No, that was just a simple case of food poisoning.
Poorly cooked pumpkin pie. We've spoken with his wife about it, and she's
promised to use her food replicator from now on--no more hand-made."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Copyright 1997 Kent M. Pitman. All Rights Reserved.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Another Way Out" takes plotline state at time of publication and shows that
there are interesting places right around the corner. The goal, besides
having some fun with good-natured parody, is to challenge the notion that we
must be mired in certain tired plotlines for months just to have a good time.
There is always another way out...
Archives of this and older episodes of "Another Way Out"
as well as the more serious "morals" that underly them,
can be found at: http://world.std.com/~pitman/awo/index.html
Don't forget to try the "character index" and "ratings index"!