Episode 82, originally published 30-Jan-98

Backtracking

Paul looks up from his office desk as a man we've never seen before enters. "Jerry!" "Hello, Paul. Sorry I wasn't available for those evening jobs recently. I've been out of town." "Yes, so Lynne told me. I was sorry to hear that... I'm trying to get my life Back on Track now that Danny's custody case is over, and I really could have used you. I hope you're back to stay." "I'm sorry, Paul, but I'm afraid I really miss my family and I need to move away from Genoa City. Besides, my father was recently killed by a letter bomb, and I need to track down who did it and seek revenge." "But Jerry, you've been such an institution around here. Lynne and I rely on you completely. For a long time, you and Nathan were all I had. And now with Nathan gone, too..." "I'm sorry, Paul, it's just one of those things." Paul nods. "Well, you've been one of the family and we'll really miss you." He presses a button on the phone and Lynne's voice says, "Yes, boss?" "Lynne, Jerry's leaving us. Please give him a severance check with a big bonus so he'll remember us and come back soon." "Yes, Boss," Lynne says. Paul presses the button. "Yes, boss?" Lynne asks. "Oh, and Lynne, give a call over to the employment office and see if you can find us another private investigator."

At the 24-hour employment office, Danny Romalotti waits in a disguise. It's almost dinner time and he is obviously impatient. "It should have arrived," he mutters. "I hope it arrived..." He watches the phone on the desk of the woman giving out jobs. "Come on, ring dammit!!" Finally the phone rings. "Private investigators? Well, not right now, but we'll look out for one and call you back--urgent? Yes, I understand, but... I'll do the best I can, ma'am. Yes, I realize there are other 24-hour employment offices in Genoa City and that you could call them instead." (Danny breathes a sigh of relief and thinks in a voiceover "There are? I thought this was the only one. Wow am I glad I went to the right one!") "Yes, we value your business and hope we don't have to--" Danny tosses down a resume and the woman pauses for a moment. "Just a minute. We have a resume just now in for a Mr. Ynnad Ittolamor... Uh, just a minute." "Any relation to Judge Ittolamor?" she whispers to him. He shakes his head. "No, no relation to anyone," he says. "Apparently not," says the woman at the desk. "Ok, I'll send him right over." The woman hangs up and looks to Danny. "Thank goodness you're here," she says. "Just my lucky day," Danny says. "They need you at Paul Williams Investigations. Do you know where that is?" "No," Danny lies, "but I'm a private investigator. I'm sure I can find it. I'll go there immediately." "Thank you!" says the relieved woman. "No, thank you!" says Danny.

Ynnad arrives moments later at Paul and Lynne's. "That was fast," Lynne says. "Just a second, I'll buzz my boss." "No need," says Ynnad. "I've had him investigated already--I'm sure he'll like me immensely. Just give me access to your client files and I will begin immediate site visits. Also, I'll need a beeper." Lynne shrugs. "Ok," she says. She hands him a folder and a beeper. "Welcome aboard!" He smiles and disappears back into the hallway just before Paul emerges from his office. "Uh, Lynne, if that Ynnad guy comes by, could you handle it? I've gotta take the evening to see Chris, and--" "Already taken care of, Boss." "Great." He leaves, too.

Not long after, Paul gets a call at home from Lynne about an important client whose office has been sabotaged. "It looks like an inside job, Boss," she explains. "Fred Evanston is absolutely furious." "Well, couldn't you send that new guy?" "I've been trying to beep him, but his beeper doesn't seem to be responding." "Oh, sigh. All right, I'll handle it. Chris, could you find something to do for a couple hours while I handle this one little crisis?" Chris nods understandingly. "Sure, no problem." He leaves. Moments later, and surely by coincidence, Chris's phone rings. "Hi, Chris. It's Danny. I hope I'm not calling at a bad time." "No, Danny, your timing couldn't be better, actually--what's up." "Well, I was just wondering..." (And so on.)

"Daniel, look at what I brought," Cricket says, pulling a drawing book out of her bag as she arrives. "Is it something from Mommy?" Daniel asks in a desperate hope that some sign of relative sanity is forthcoming. "No, but it's a book you can draw in. You can draw pictures in it for your Mommy to see." Daniel perks up momentarily at this but then suddenly looks sad again. "What's the matter?" Cricket asks. "I don't know how to do it." Daniel confesses. "Well, I'll help you," Cricket says patiently. "Let's draw a picture of a car with an elephant in it, ok?" He nods and begins to draw. Danny smiles at Chris. "It sure was a lucky coincidence that you were free tonight," he says. "Well, don't count on it happening every night--it was just a freak thing that Paul had to go out this evening." Danny eyes the folder of client names on a nearby table. There is conspicuous checkmark next to the client at the top of the list. "Oh, don't worry," he says, "I'd never rely on that kind of luck happening again. I'm just happy it worked out tonight," he says. Then, changing the subject, he adds, "Hey, I'm gonna go make us some hot chocolate while you guys draw, ok?" He exits to the kitchen.

Danny returns to the room with a tray of mugs, presumably containing hot chocolate. He sets them down and begins to inspect what Daniel has drawn. "What's this?" Danny asks, looking at the drawing. "What do you think it is?" Daniel asks. Danny examines the drawing. "Well, it looks like a car..." Daniel nods. "And in the car, it looks like a woman ... with red hair... your Mommy?" Daniel nods again happily. "What's this gray curvy line coming out of Mommy's face in front of the car?" Danny asks. "I told him to draw an elephant, and he started to draw the trunk but then he said the rest wouldn't fit. So I said he could make it be a person instead." "Well, that's ok," Danny explains, "cars have trunks just like elephants do--this one just has its trunk in front." Daniel laughs happily.

"And who are these people over here? Is that me and Chris? Is Mommy driving to visit us?" Daniel shakes his head. "No, that's Chris and her husband Paul. They go together. This is me and you over here by yourself." Danny frowns. "Oh." But Daniel is quick on the uptake. "It's ok, Daddy. You aren't lonely. Because Mommy is coming to visit in her car!" "Mommy doesn't have a car, Daniel. Only Daddy has a car." "It's ok. It's a rented car!!" Daniel says. "He points to a scrawled word `hurts' off to the side." "Huh?" "Hurts!" Daniel says with more emphasis. "It's where you rent cars," Cricket explains. "Oh, Hertz!!" Daniel says. Cricket glares at him and whispers, "Danny, it's very impolite to correct someone's spelling. It's very good that he can spell at all at his age. You don't want to give him a complex." "Oh," Danny says. "Sorry, Daniel. It looks great. But where are you in the picture?" "I'm not in the picture," Daniel says. "Why not?" "Because I drew it. I'm here in the living room," he explains. "Oh," Danny says, not sure what to make of this. But then, not wanting to give him a complex he hads, "Well, I'm sure that's fine. You can give it to Chris and she can take it to your Mommy." "I want to give it to her myself," Daniel says. Danny tries to sway him: "Well, she's not going to be here today and you do want her to get it soon, don't you?" He thinks for a minute and then nods. "Ok," he agrees.

It's the next day. The door has just slammed closed at the Romalotti apartment, and we assume Cricket must just have made an appearance because Phyllis is carrying the picture from Little Danny. She makes a beeline for the kitchen and drops the artwork on the counter and pours a large gob of dish soap on her hands and starts scrubbing her hands vigorously. She motions with her chin to the picture. "Joani, can you brush that picture off?" "What?" Joani says. "Brush it off--carefully--I don't want to hurt the picture." Joani asks, "Mrs. Romalotti, what's the matter?" "Bug germs, Joani" Phyllis explains. "I just like to thoroughly disinfect myself after being around her." Joani isn't sure what to make of this but holds the drawing over the wastebasket and gently taps it. "Good," Phyllis says, drying her hands. Then she picks up the picture and moves back into the living room where Michael sits waiting patiently. "Calm down, Phyllis," Michael says. "Calm down? My child is being held hostage and you want me to calm down?" she says. "He isn't really being held hostage," Joani chimes in, but she stops suddenly when she notices the chilly look Phyllis is giving her.

"I can't believe it!" Phyllis says. "This is bad--very bad." "What?" Joani says. "Joani, could you go to the store and buy some milk?" "But I just bought milk this morning. We have a whole gallon." "Yes, but I'm thinking I might do some cooking tonight--a recipe that uses a lot of milk. I may need two gallons. Could you be a dear and get some more?" Joani shrugs and leaves.

"Phyllis!" Michael says. "Huh?" she asks. "It's just the two of us. You're pacing. Are you going to tell me what's up?" Phyllis is silent for a while and paces some more. Finally she says, "You're still my lawyer, right?" He nods. "And anything I tell you they can't force out of you in a trial, right?" He nods. "That's right." "Well, I--oh, nevermind." "Phyllis, you did something illegal again, didn't you?" "I did not!" Phyllis says. "Then what? And why the legal questions?" "Well, it's more like I once did something that was maybe a teensy bit illegal... it was a long time ago, and I thought it was behind me." "A teensy bit illegal?" he asks. She nods. "Phyllis, forgive my trying to hurry up this little word game of yours, but is that the same `teensy' as in the phrase `a teensy bit pregnant'?" She thinks some more. "Sort of, I guess," she admits.

"Ok, out with it," Michael says to Phyllis. "Well, I thought it was a closed case--the police said it was closed." "The police?" "They were investigating." "Investigating...?" "The accident," Phyllis says. "Accidents aren't usually illegal," Michael says. "Well, this one was less accidental than some... you see, it involved a car, and I--ok, here goes--I tried to run down Cricket and Paul. I mean, it was really a kind of public service, wouldn't you say?" "I'm not sure if I'm one to judge," Michael says. "You? You tried to run her down in a car, too?" "No, not exactly," Michael says. "I dug through her wall and tried to rape her." Phyllis drops her jaw. "Michael! What got into you? Do you realize how unattractive that woman is? I mean--I certainly hope you got your prescription updated afterward." "Prescription?" "For your glasses." "Oh. Funny, very funny. What can I say, I think Christine and I really had something for a while. She can be very--" "Stop!" Phyllis says. "Don't say it. Don't even think it. I can't take it right now, ok? It makes me nauseous even to think of the Bug, and then you're saying you wanted to--well, just forget I asked. I'll ask another time. Right now I have to figure out what to do about this picture."

It's evening. Danny enters Hertz Rent-A-Car. He is wearing a fake mustache and beard. "I'd like to rent a car," he says, tossing down a driver's license. The man at the desk glances at the license and says, "Certainly, Mr. Ittolamor. Say--you're not the famous Judge Ittolamor, are you?" "No, I'm no one. No one at all. And especially not anyone famous or memorable." "Oh, ok, 'cuz I thought--" "Just the car, please." "Oh, uh, right... Just a minute. Got a little bug...?" "Bug?" "Sorry--VW Volkswagen. That's what they used to call 'em. Bugs. Heh... will that do?" "Uh, sure--if that's all you've got." "Insurance?" "Definitely. Lots of insurance. Everything you've got." "Planning on having an accident, huh?" "How'd you kn---uh, I mean--of course not. No one plans an accident. No, I was just... being careful." "Well, it pays to be careful I always say," the man says as he fills out some forms on the computer. A piece of paper spits slowly out of he computer and he tears it off. "There," says the man, "you're all set." He tosses some keys at Danny. "If she won't open up, you may need to kick her a little. "Huh? Who?" "The bug. But don't worry--you're gonna like her. Yessir, once you open her up and slide inside, well--from the moment you release the clutch, really, you'll see she just purrs. Well, have a good one."

Michael examines the picture that Little Daniel has drawn for Phyllis. "It's you in a car. So?" "Michael, it's worse than that. It's me in a car swerving toward Paul and the bug. Don't you see that big gray line out in front of the car?" "Oh, is that what that is..." Michael says. "I'm not very good at interpreting children's drawings," he admits. "Come on, Michael. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to tell. It even says `hurts' over on the side there." "So the car drives toward them and hurts them?" She nods. "But Michael, don't you get it? Cricket knows. That's why she had Daniel draw this. She wanted me to know she knows. They're going to come after me, Michael, I know it."

Danny sits on a street corner in the dark with the lights off on the rented bug. Suddenly Paul comes out of a building and starts to cross the street. Danny guns the car and it lurches forward.

It's later that evening. There is a knock on the door at Phyllis's apartment. "I'll get it, Joani," Phyllis yells as she opens the door to a policeman. "I'm sorry to bother you at this hour, ma'am, but we need to speak to a Judge Ittolamor. We were told we might find him at this address." "What's this all about?" Michael says, approaching the door. "It's about a hit-and-run involving a Mr. Paul Williams... are you the Judge?" "No, I'm not. I'm Michael Baldwin." The policeman looks at Phyllis then back at Michael. "You're her husband?" "No, actually, I'm her attorney." The policeman looks surprised. "Are you Mrs. Ittolamor?" "No, I am not. I don't know anyone named Ittolamor. There must be some mistake." "I don't think so, ma'am. There was a car accident involving a Paul Williams. It's our belief that the perpetrator was one Judge Ittolamor." "Your belief?" Phyllis says, outraged. "Helped along by one meddlesome Christine Williams, no doubt."

Cricket walks from the hall into Phyllis's apartment with a rushed look. "Sorry I'm late," she says to the policeman. "Christine," Phyllis says, "I might have known." Cricket shrugs and looks to Michael. "You sure got here in a hurry... or were you already here?" "That's none of your business," Phyllis volunteers. "Oh, I'm going to make it my business, Judge," she taunts Phyllis. "She says she doesn't know the judge," the policeman says. "Oh, she knows him all right. She IS him. Arrest her." The policeman moves to take Phyllis's arm but she wriggles free. "I am NOT Judge Ittolamor, and I can completely account for myself the night of that accident, so it is not me." "The night of the accident is tonight, Phyllis," Cricket says. Michael chimes in, "Yes, well my client has been with me all evening. Beyond that, she has nothing to say." Cricket looks puzzled. She stares at Phyllis. "That may be, but you weren't talking about tonight just now, were you, Phyllis. You were talking about some other case... Ohmigod--it was you--of course, it all makes sense." Michael says, "My client has nothing to say." "She's already said a lot. And if Paul dies--" "Dies?" Phyllis asks, surprised. "What are you talking about?"

Christine regards Phyllis cautiously. "You really don't know about tonight's accident, do you?" she asks. "I told you," repeats Michael, "she's been with me all evening. What happened while we were having our romantic interlude?" Cricket rolls her eyes and stares at them trying to make sure she's not being hoodwinked. Then she says. "A hit-and-run. Paul's in the ICU at Genoa City Memorial--they're not sure if he's going to make it." "Well, you seem remarkably cool about it--how do we know you didn't do it?" Phyllis says huffily. "Because I also have an alibi. I was with a client." "And so naturally you thought *I* might have tried to bump off your husband," Phyllis says. "Well, you might have. Out of spite." "Cricket, are you as dumb as you are blonde? Why would I do that?? So you'd be free to run straight to my husband--" "Ex-husband," Cricket corrects her. Phyllis shrugs. "Whatever you call it--how would that help?" "It wouldn't be the first time you'd done something for reasons no one could explain." Phyllis grabs the police report and reads it. Suddenly she stops and says, "Look here, this is about a Ynnad Ittolamor. And we all know who that is." The policeman is confused. "I though you said you hadn't heard of any Ittolamors. Now you're experts on the family tree?" he asks. "I've got to go," Cricket says as she starts to understand the whole thing and realizes she can no longer cope. "What should I do about these folks?" the policeman asks. "Arrest her," Cricket says, pointing to Phyllis. "On what charge?" Michael asks. "Hit and run--leaving the scene of an accident--I'll come by the station and explain later," she says as she rushes out.

A while later, we see Phyllis pacing a prison cell when Danny enters, accompanied by a guard. She rushes to the bars. "Oh, Danny, you're here. Did you come to bail me out? Danny, I love you--I hope you know. And it's wonderful of you to--" But she stops as she sees the guard tossing Danny into the cell with her and slamming the door. "What's going on?" she asks. "We're short of cells," the guard explains. "You two have the same last name, used to be married, and you're in for the same crime. So you'll have to share for a while longer."

At this point, Michael and Joani are in the apartment alone. Why they've been sitting around for hours in someone else's apartment for hours will not be made clear, though the more astute among us will quickly realize that this just makes the timeline work out better for your ever-loving AWO writer. [Author's Note: I cannot tell a lie. Credit where credit is due. I learned this very useful presentational trick by watching the highly rated Y&R show.] Suddenly, and as if this is the first time they've spoken to each other during those long hours, Michael says, "I guess we're the odd ones out." "I don't know," says Joani with a laugh, "you don't seem so odd to me." "Nor you to me," Michael says. "What about dinner?" he asks. "Oh, sure, what would you like?" Joani asks. "No, Joani--I mean dinner out." "You and me? Like a date?" He nods. "But what about Mrs. Romalotti?" "I'm afraid the Romalottis are a bit tied up for the next 5 or so years." "Five? Really? That long?" He nods. "At least." "But what will happen to Daniel?" "What do you think should happen to him?" Michael says. "I think *I* should get him--I've raised him, after all." "I'm sure that can be arranged," Michael says. "Really?" she asks in an excited tone. He nods. Suddenly she stops and asks, "Will we have to go through another court case like that last one?" He laughs. "Joani, I hope no one ever has to go through anything like that again. The only good thing about that trial is that they didn't allow cameras in the court room." "Why?" she asks, "because it would have hurt your case?" "Well, it's hard to imagine my case having been hurt any worse than it was by my own client," Michael admits, "but no, just because anyone who tuned in would have been bored to death. Can you imagine anyone tuning in day after day after day for that kind of thing? I sure can't. But that's all behind us now, and we can look forward to a much brighter future. Come on, let's go eat!"

That's all for this episode. Hope you learned something. Don't miss Episode 83!
If you missed any older episodes, see the index.

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