Episode 66, originally published 02-Oct-97

Grate Escapes

[Author's note: This episode begins as a continuation of the Dark_Lady thread begun in episode 48 and last seen in episode 63.]

Diane comes downstairs and sees Victor typing to the computer. "It's late, Victor. Won't you come to bed?" Victor looks up at her. "Well, I had a bit of work to do, you know. You run along to bed and I'll be up in a while, ahright?" He goes back to what he is doing without waiting for any response. She walks over to look at his console, and he looks up at her. "Is there something wrong with your hearing?" Victor asks. Diane says to him, "Victor, even if I hadn't understood what you said, that wouldn't mean anything was wrong with my hearing. But, no... and there's nothing wrong with my vision, either. You're not doing work, you're typing on some Internet chat line." Victor looks indignant. "This is no Internet chat line. Newman Enterprises is not even ON the Internet," he says with confused pride. She looks again to the screen. "And I can see why--too much action going on inside the company for anyone to bother, I suppose. Victor, I can't believe you're typing those things--you never talk to ME like that."

Victor hunts around for the right key and finally manages to clear the screen. "So what's your point?" he says to Diane impatiently. "Victor, we are not going to live this way--with me waiting in the bedroom and you... down here... doing that." Victor gets angry. "Now, you listen here, Diane Jenkins," he says. "Newman," she corrects him. "Oh, right. Look, I want you to go upstairs and put on some clothes and then head over to the office because while I've been typing away here I've also been thinking that that building of yours needs to be redesigned by morning again." Diane reaches across him and grabs the keyboard. The console has text on it again.

 Dark_Lady: Are you there?  You got all quiet.

Diane types:

 * I'm here, but a new game has come along. I have
   no further need of you.

Before Victor can do anything, a reply comes back.

 Dark_Lady: Oh, you have need.  I know you.  You didn't get
            what you want.  You'll be back.
 User "Dark_Lady" has quit.

Victor looks stunned, "You can't just do that. You know, that was very rude." Diane looks at him incredulously. "And telling me that you were up late doing work wasn't rude? Victor, you amaze me." Victor sighs. "Ahright, I'll be up in a minute. I have to make one phone call." Diane eyes him suspiciously, but he is already dialing. Mitchell Sherman answers sleepily, "Hello?" "Mitch, it's Victor Newman." Satisfied that he is not calling another woman, Diane leaves the room.

"Victor, it's the middle of the night," Mitchell complains. "I know that, Mitch, but it can't wait. I need you to arrange a divorce for me." "A divorce? Victor, the ink's barely dry on your marriage certificate. What are the grounds?" "Same as always, Mitch, only moreso. I'm bored. But you work on the wording--that's what I pay you for--to make it sound more formal and proper." "Bored?" "Yes, you heard me, Mitchell. Have you met the lady? She is excruciating and it must be ended now. First thing in the morning." "All right, Victor, but I'm warning you--this one might cost you." "Cost me? I don't understand. I pay you a fixed salary." "Not me, Victor. Diane! She might ask for alimony." "She can do that?" "It's done all the time." "But, I've got so many former wives--none of them have ever asked for alimony." "I'm still trying to figure that out, Victor. It doesn't make sense to me either. But look--you've been lucky. And I'm worried your luck is about to run out." "Well, you do the best you can, Mitch. And I'll work on it from my end as well." He hangs up.

Joshua sees Veronica sitting on the couch. "Sarah, is something the matter?" She looks up at him. "I'm afraid so," she says. "I'm having some awful abdominal cramping, and I..." Joshua nods sympathetically. "If you'd like, I could give you a courtesy gynecological exam," he says helpfully. "Oh, I really couldn't impose," Veronica says. "It's no trouble," Joshua says. "I do it for the family all the time. It's my profession and I enjoy it." "Well," says Veronica, "if you're sure you wouldn't mind..." She throws herself back on the couch and flips up her dress. "Go for it," she says. Joshua takes one glance and gasps, "Veronica!!"

Victor is sitting back in his chair behind his desk reading a report. There is a knock on the door and he mumbles "Come in." The door opens and the camera cuts back to Victor still reading. Finally he looks up but, seeing no one, he repeats more loudly, "Come in!" Cassie, who stands on the other side of the desk, is obscured by some stacked up files. "I am in, sir." Victor peers over the top of the desk. "Oh," he says, brightening up a little (as he always does around children), "hello." She is dressed in a perfectly tailored business suit. "I've come to apply for a job," she says. Victor smiles with genuine amusement. "Is that so?" he asks, intrigued. "Yes, sir." "Well, now, aren't you a little young to be doing that? Don't you have some sort of school you should be doing?" "Oh, yes, sir! I'll be going to school also. But I've noticed that you gave Grace Turner a job and she still has plenty of time to spend around our house. If working people get that much free time, then I won't have any problem going to school while I'm working, sir." Victor scribbles a note on his pad to find out about why Grace has so much free time, but doesn't correct the girl.

Nick enters the room to see Sarah/Veronica with Veronica. He sees "Sarah" offering herself to Joshua and then Joshua's look of recognition as he knows the woman. "Hi, doc!" he says. "Nicholas," Joshua says, embarrassed. "I was just giving Sarah here a courtesy gynecological exam." "Yeah, I saw," Nick says. "Looks like you recognized her from someplace else, too. Hey, could you teach me how to do that?" "Do what?" "Recognize someone--someone that wasn't my wife I mean--from just a few of their sex organs. I can think of times when that'd come in real handy." Joshua sighs. "Uh, sure, Nicholas. Look, Sarah's kind of new here and probably not used to having people walk in and out while she's being examined." "But--we're family--you do this all the time," Nicholas says. Joshua gives him a disparaging look and he withdraws sheepishly.

"So," Victor asks Cassie, "what kind of job do you think you'd want to do around here, and what are your qualifications?" "Well," she says. "I don't know for sure. But I know a LOT about business." "You do?" "Yes, sir. Every time I came to the ranch while Nicholas was in school, he had me play a game with him where he challenged me to do the homework they'd assigned him and if it came out the same or better than his, he'd give me a dollar." "And did you ever see this homework of his?" "Oh, no sir. He said he'd already turned it in. But he said mine was very good. It was a fun game. Because while I was playing, I learned about `market value' and I played a game with him where I pretended it was really the homework he was going to turn in and I tried to guess how much he'd pay for it." "And did you guess right?" "Mostly. He always paid what I asked. But the books said that was because I was offering them at too low a price, so I kept upping it. But then he graduated before I found out what his limit was." "Well, it sounds like you had a very fun summer. Did you save up to buy a nice toy or something?" "Oh, no, sir. I mean--I made a couple thousand dollars. That's how I bought this nice business suit. But I hear college is going to be very expensive when I grow up, so I've invested the rest of the money."

"Now, where were we," Joshua says as he turns back to Veronica. She sits back up. "I thought you'd need a little help recognizing me," she says. "The rest of me got so beaten up in that car accident I was in..." "Car accident? I thought you were drowned." "Ancient history," she says. "Anyway, I'm back. Surprise!" Joshua looks very nervous. "Veronica, if you've come back to make my life hell..." She gets a devilish smile on her face. "Me? Ok, well, I actually had hoped to see how you were doing and find some way to pay you back for all you'd done to me... but you know what? I've seen that lady you live with... what a--well, she's not very pleasant to be around. Always whining orders at the help because she can't be othered to turn the page of her own magazine or to pour herself a glass of water when the pitcher is right there in the room. I can only imagine how unresponsive she must be in bed."

"Excuse me just a moment, will you?" Victor asks Cassie. "Oh, certainly!" she says as she takes a seat on the couch and pulls out a book on advanced marketing strategies to read. Victor punches a button on the phone and says, "Connie, get me JackAbbott, ahright?" "He's right here, sir. He's been waiting." "Well, send him in," Victor says. Immediately, Jack enters and nods to Victor and Cassie. "Jack," Victor says, "You know I've just asked you to take on m'boy's education here in the business." Jack stops him and says, "Say no more, Victor. I ran into Cassie on the way in and I was thinking the same thing. She's young, but she's very bright. Why not have me teach her at the same time?" Victor chuckles one of those inscrutible chuckles that says Jack is on the wrong track. "No, Jack, actually I have rather a different plan to propose. I've decided you will NOT be managing m'boy's on-the-job education after all. I'm going to appoint young Cassidy here to Director of Executive Training and put her in charge of Nicholas." "But Victor, where does that leave me?" "Back to what you usually do, I suppose. Trying to steal my wife, for example. Now you've not been moving very quickly on the matter, so now that I've opened up more time for you, I expect to see some results, ahright? I don't know how much more I can take!"

Joshua gives Veronica an irritated look. "I've had enough of this. You're fired." She doesn't bat an eye. "Not so fast, Joshua," she says. "You wouldn't want your nice new RICH wife to know that the former wife that you'd beaten and left for dead was back in town, would you?" "I never beat you!" "Well, ok, so I embellished the story a little--who's she going to believe? You or a corpse? I think she'll be pretty upset if she finds out I'm around at all, don't you? Or are you eager to get back to dating all those pretty.... faces... that come through your office?" He is silent for a moment. Then he says, "Look, Veronica, if you're not planning some scheme, why are you still here?" She laughs. "Oh, Joshua. You haven't changed. You still think you're the center of the world. You want everything to be about you--but it's not! I came here to pay you back, and I found the best way to do that--to leave you to suffer as you left me. There are other fish in the sea, you know, and not all of them shrimps like you... for example, that stud Miguel--now THERE'S a man! And you're gonna help me get him..."

Jack turns to Cassie. "Ok, kiddo, let's go get you your new office." "That would be wonderful. But I don't think you're allowed to call me kiddo while we're at work, sir. It's not professional-sounding," she explains. Jack smiles. "Yes, ma'am!" he says crisply. "Oh, I had a question," Cassie says. "Shoot." "Well, is there a company cafeteria?" "There is, though the executive staff usually eats out. We all have expense accounts." Cassie's eyes get big. "Wow!" Then she gets nervous. "You don't go to that pizza place, do you?" "Nope. Usually to Gina's or the Colonnade Room." "Wow. And I can get things besides brownies?" "I thought it was pizza you were worried about." "Well, it used to be. But Tony decided that I'd been eating too much pizza and donuts. Now he makes brownies all the time." "Brownies? Donuts? That's not food for a growing gi--uh, for a rising business executive. What do you want instead?" "I want Power Salads with carrots and tomatoes and ..." "Well, we'll see what we can do..." "Oh, good. 'Cuz those brownies are really getting tiring. But Tony says it's good for me. He says it's good to have `three squares a day'... so I have a brownie for breakfast, a brownie for lunch, and a brownie for dinner. But if Millie was here, she'd say I was going to turn into a brownie." "Well, if you ever really want to be a brownie, I think you can just go down to the Girl Scout headquarters and enroll. For now, let's see about turning you into a salad instead..." "Oh, boy!" she squeals. "Hey!" Jack admonishes her playfully. "If I can't call you kiddo, you can't call me `boy'... it's not professional." She giggles and the two exit for lunch.

That's all for this episode. Hope you learned something. Don't miss Episode 67!
If you missed any older episodes, see the index.

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