Episode 62, originally published 09-Sep-97

Open Bar

We're in the courtroom, where Danny and Phyllis are locked in combat over Daniel's custody. Cricket has called the genetics expert from the lab from which Danny recently learned the truth. The man is sworn and Cricket approaches. "I have just one question for you. Is that precious little boy Danny's child?" "No, I'm afraid he's not," the man answers. Cricket breaks a faint hint of a smile and makes a smug nodding gesture like the man has done well. She returns to her seat, where Danny is going ballistic. "What are you DOING? You have to ask more questions than that!" he chides her. "What about the faked blood samples?" Cricket whispers back, "Don't worry--I want THEM to bring it up. It's going to be fun to watch them flounder. Just wait." The judge looks to Cricket expectantly and she says, "No more questions, your Honor." The judge looks to Kevin Andrews, who looks to Michael. Michael shakes his head at Kevin. Kevin turns to the judge and says simply, "No questions." Cricket throws a sharp glance at Michael and mouths, "What are you doing? How dare you not ask any questions?" Michael gets a look of innocence on his face and says, "I'm not the lawyer. Why are you getting mad at me?"

It's also the day of the social event of the season. Victor has invited everyone who's not stuck in court to reserve this day, but has told them nothing about what is going to pass. Everyone's invitation reads the same.

Reserve this day.
September 4
Come in Festive Attire
for a Real-Life Game of Clue

One by one like a box of crayola crayons, the guests pile in. John Abbott and Keith Dennison have both decided to come as Colonel Mustard. It looks ridiculous on both of them, but they were determined to play the game. John glares at Keith as he sees him enter, but neither backs down. Worse still, Jill has set herself apart as the elegant and innocent Miss White. Grace is Miss Scarlett, with Tony at her side. He's dressed in a more modest black tux with white shirt and a red tie. Nick and Sharon are Mr. and Mrs. Green (like the money). Each guest sports a weapon of some kind. A musket for each of the Mustards. Smaller ones for most of the others.

"Ms. Williams..." the judge asks. Cricket stays focused on Michael and starts to say something else to him when the judge repeats, "Ms. Williams. Would you like a recess so you can confer with opposing counsel?" "He's not the opposing counsel, Your Honor. He's just a nobody." Michael chimes in, "Your honor, what Ms. Williams says is essentially correct. In fact, we're not allowed even to speak to one another, Your Honor--it's part of the conditions of my parole." "Well, you and Ms. Williams seem to be having quite a conversation there for people who aren't supposed to be speaking." "He's just hiding," Cricket says under her breath. Michael says to the judge. "Your Honor, I respectfully request that Ms. Williams be instructed not to address me since I'm not allowed to respond." Danny butts in: "Oh, yeah! You'd like to respond, wouldn't you? Well you're not one tenth the lawyer Christine is! Even if you could respond, you'd be hopelessly outclassed!" The judge admonishes Cricket to control her client, while Cricket pushes Danny back down into his chair. "I can fight my own battles, Danny," she says. Danny glares at her, "Well, I wish you'd start doing that because all I see is us getting rolled over."

Nikki enters the party, dressed as the flamboyant Miss Peacock. Her husband wears a tux of matching color. Ellie (on loan from the ranch at Victor's request) stands at a table near the door, and they nod to quietly to her as they enter. Ellie urges Nikki back. "Mrs. Landers, you'll be needin' this--" she says, handing her a bag conspicuously bearing a skull and cross-bones and marked ``Poison''. "Poison? What do I do with this?" Nikki asks. "I can't say as I know," says Ellie. "Write someone a poison pen letter, I suppose. Oh, Dr. Landers, here's yours," she says, handing him a scalpel. "In case I have to do an emergency apendectomy?" he asks. Ellie shakes her head. "Sir, with all the pistols I've been giving out this evening, I suspect it's bullets you're t' be removin'. But in the meanwhile, perhaps you can use it on the hors d'oeuvres." He tests it's sharpness against his finger and shakes his head in mild disdain, then ushers Nikki into the room.

At last, Victor enters with Diane. She is wearing a a Plum-colored dress. Victor wears almost entirely black; a light plum necktie gives just the barest of an acknowledgment that he might be there with Diane.

Back in the court room, Cricket is tiring of the indirect games between her and Baldwin. She finally blurts out, "All right, look, Your Honor, it's really at my request that Mr. Baldwin is disallowed from serving as counsel, but I now feel that this robs me of the opportunity to beat him fair and square." The judge frowns at her. "This is not an Olympic competition, Ms. Williams. And Mr. Andrews is opposing counsel, not Mr. Baldwin." "I realize that, Your Honor, but as you've observed, Mr. Baldwin is really running the show on the opposing side anyway. It would... simplify matters... if the restriction on his serving as counsel were lifted and we could just deal face to face." The judge looks to Kevin Andrews. "It would simplify things for me, too, Your Honor. It really IS Michael's case." The judge then turns to Phyllis, "And you have no objection?" "None, your honor," she says gleefully. "Very well," says the judge. "Mr. Baldwin, you are authorized to proceed as advocate for your client. The Court will enter an appropriate request to the state bar for a more permanent action. Now, could we PLEASE proceed?" "Uh, Your Honor, we move for a fifteen minute recess," Michael says. The judge looks at his watch. "Very well. But no longer, I want to keep things moving," he says, banging his gavel.

Jack enters the party. He is dressed in "inverse video" to what Victor is wearing--he must have paid someone to say what Diane and Victor's attire would be. With Jack's light plum tux and a black tie exactly the reverse of Victor's, Jack and Victor look like Coke and Diet Coke. Either one would be fine accompaniment to Ms. Jenkins' caffeine-free personality. Victor looks to Jack with a look of amused surprise; if his feelings extend beyond that, he doesn't show it. As Jack passes the desk, Ellie says, "Uh, Jack. You'll be needin' this." She hands him a revolver. Jack chuckles, "This in case I don't like any of the big announcements? How thoughtful..." Nikki looks surprised and concerned as Jack is handed the gun, but Joshua restrains her lightly. "We all have weapons, Nikki. They're just props." Nikki breathes a sigh of relief. "Sorry. It's just that Victor and Jack's history is so ..." "Colorful?" Joshua says. "I'd say by the motif of this party that Victor is very well aware of that. Let's just try to have a good time, shall we?"

In the hallway outside the courtroom, Michael whispers something to Phyllis. She looks surprised and unsure. "Trust me," he says. "Can you do it?" She nods. Michael walks down the hall a little farther, peering just far enough around the corner to verify that Danny is around the corner, drinking a glass of water and pacing angrily. He is out of sight but not out of earshot. He draws back to be sure they can't see him and nods to Phyllis who comes bounding over to him and says, "Oh, Michael. I'm so proud of you. Danny is playing into our hands beautifully. He's so contrary. If I'd just said I wanted him to take Little Daniel, he'd probably not have. But now that he thinks I want Daniel to myself, he's all set to take him off my hands. Oh, soon I'll be free of all cares and responsibilities and we can start a new life together. And the best part about it is that Danny will be stuck with a kid that's not even his, so he'll never get back together with that stupid little Bug " she says, throwing her arms around Michael and giving him a big kiss. Danny, who couldn't help overhearing, peers around the corner and sees the kiss. Confident of its sincerity he mutters "Damn!" and storms off.

Victor clinks a glass with a spoon and everyone in the Colonnade Room grows silent. "I suppose you're are all wondering why I've invited you here today. Well, I won't keep you all waiting any longer. The reason for this event is to announce the latest aquisition to the Victor Newman collection--the latest Mrs. Victor Newman--known formerly to all of you as Miss Diane Jenkins." The camera pans the room so we can see the faces of the surprised guests--as well as those, like Jack, who are not as surprised. We see Jack's hand rub back and forth on the soothing metal of the revolver he carries. Finally, he says, "Victor!" and all eyes turn to see him holding the revolver extended at arm's length as we go to commercial.

"I'm telling ya, Chris, we've been set up," Danny says to Cricket in a nearby conference room. "I can't believe she did this to me." "Danny, are you sure you heard what you heard? From everything I've seen, Phyllis is awfully in love with that little boy." "Chris, I have to ask something--if I had this little boy, would that make me less attractive to you?" "Well, Danny, I AM married. But since you ask, uh, it's not really my first choice to get involved with someone who has a child from a previous marriage--even if he is my godson. It's not that I don't understand your situation or love the little boy--it's just that starting out with a child--well, it makes things a lot more complicated." Danny sighs. "Chris, I want you to change our direction in this hearing. I want Phyllis to get stuck with Daniel." "You don't love your little boy?" "Well, I do. But Phyllis loves him, too, and I'm sure he'll be fine with her. I just can't let her get away with everything while I get left with nothing." "Danny, are you SURE?" "Oh, yeah, I'm sure. Phyllis is NOT going to get the best of ME." "Ok, Danny. It's you're decision. If that's what you really want, I'll do it."

"Jack, no!" Nikki cries out as she sees Jack with the gun. But Jack continues, "I just want you to know how I feel about this little game you've been playing with Diane." Victor does not flinch. "Is that so, Jack Abbot? And how exactly do you feel about this?" Everyone is still. Jack's finger pulls back slowly on the trigger until it engages and fires! Victor falls to the ground, his tuxedo now colorfully adorned in blood red.

Nikki hands her drink to Joshua and rushes immediately to join Ashley at Victor's side. "Don't just stand there, somebody call 9-1-1!!" she cries. Diane has her hands over her mouth and a look of utter shock. She looks back and forth between Jack and Victor and then kneels with the ex-wives who've circled around Victor. Victor continues motionless for a few more moments and then bursts into laughter and sits back up, causing even more shrieks. Ashley looks to Victor and says, "I smell a rat." Nikki looks astonished, too, "Victor--how could you?"

Back in the court room, everyone is assembled again. The judge looks around. "Did everyone take care of their business and can we finally proceed?" Michael nods. Cricket says, "Your Honor, we'd like to make a motion." "We object," Michael says. The judge looks to him--"You know what motion she's going to make?" "No, sir, but it's out of order--it's our time to be calling witnesses." "That's true," Cricket says, "but this might simplify things substantially. We'd like to propose that Mrs. Romalotti be granted custody of the child." Phyllis says loudly to Michael, "She's up to something." "We're not UP TO anything," Cricket says indignantly. "We're just offering Mrs. Romalotti what she SAYS she wants." "Can they do that?" Phyllis says, confused. "Not only can I, but I will," says the judge. "But--" Phyllis says. "No buts, Mrs. Romalotti," says the judge. "You asked for the child and now you shall receive him. I'm not waiting here for you all to change your minds again." He bangs his gavel.

Jack, still a little stunned that the gun went off at all, says nothing as Victor continues to chuckle. Nikki turns to Jack. "You two planned this!" she accuses him. Jack holds his hands above his hands above his head in innocence. "Sorry, sugar," he says. "I had no idea the gun would be so defective." Victor laughs. "Thank you, Jack. I knew you would not be able to resist pulling the trigger--knowing you could blame any injury to me on the fact that it was a prop gun you'd been given. And I thought it might help ease the tension a little if I let you have your way for a moment. Now, I am fine. Everyone just relax. Just some theatrical effects I had arranged..."

Danny and Cricket look to Michael and Phyllis with smug looks, happy to have gotten the best of Phyllis. Phyllis looks back with a surprised and beaten look for only a moment and then bursts into laughter. She turns to Michael. "It worked!" she says. "You're absolutely brilliant, Michael!" she says. Michael beams. Cricket and Danny look at each other. "You've been had, Danny," Cricket explains. "Huh? What?" he says. "Phyllis never wanted to give up Little Daniel. They tricked you in the hallway--that whole conversation was manufactured..." "No! I won't let Phyllis win! I won't!! If she wants the little boy, she can't have him. I'm going to find him and run off with him and I'm never coming back!" He rushes out of the room. The judge leans over to the bailiff and says, "Have that man followed. If he takes the little boy, have him arrested for kidnapping!" The bailiff runs out. Phyllis overhears the exchange and approaches the judge. "Thank you, Your Honor." The judge smiles. "I got the impression that you and your lawyer tricked him in some way." She says nothing. "It's ok. It's obvious you love your son. I must say--things were not looking good for you there, but your husband is clearly full of violent rage, and I was very glad to have any excuse to rule against him. You take care of that little boy." "I will, Your Honor. Thank you!" Phyllis says.

Back in the Colonnade, as Victor--still awash in stage blood--stands, he says, "While I have all of your attention..." He goes to Ellie's table and takes the box marked "Secret - Save for Victor". He opens it and extracts a box to hand to Diane. Diane, who is by now familiar with Victor giving her little boxes, tries to pretend this game is still exciting. She opens the box and feigns surprise to see a diamond brooch. "Oh, Victor," she says, trying to force her yawn to look like a gasp of surprise. Everyone watches as he says, "Go ahead, put it on." She takes it from the box and starts to attach it to her dress. "Ouch!" she says as she sticks herself. "I always do that..." She sucks for a moment on her finger where she has stabbed herself, and then--then she falls to the floor. Victor looks alarmed and kneels beside her, "Call a doctor, quickly!" he says. Nikki waves her hand in a dismissive gesture, "Oh, come on, Victor, one little joke was enough. Are we supposed to repeat this little joke all evening until we've all used up our little weapons?" "This is no joke," Victor says in a serious tone. Joshua, unsure whether to believe Victor, kneels beside Diane and takes her pulse just to be sure. "This woman doesn't need a doctor," Joshua says with no hint of urgency in his voice. "There, you see?" Nikki says. "She's dead," Joshua finishes.

Still in the courtroom, Paul comes up to Cricket. "Now can we FINALLY go home?" he asks. Cricket looks out the window, as if for approval. Against some dark clouds in the night sky, a search light projects an image of a a circle of light with a cricket in the middle. She directs Paul's attention to the signal. "It looks like it's coming from the Colonnade room," she observes. "Holy--" he starts to say, but his Mother is too fast for him. "Now, Paul. Let's have no swearing..." Mary warns him. Cricket looks to Paul. "There's trouble at the Colonnade--are you coming with me?" Paul sighs and nods. "Oh, sure. Why not. I don't have anything else to do... Bye, Mom," he says as she leads him out. "Bye, son," Mary says in a resigned tone as he exits. Then, as she stares off at the cricket-signal that still lights the dark night sky, she suddenly brightens and says, "I wonder if I could use one of those to get Paul to come over more often for Sunday dinner..."

The excitement having died down, Phyllis turns to Michael and says, "Come on, Counsellor. Remember that little retainer I gave you? Well, now it's payday--time for me to make up the difference."

That's all for this episode. Hope you learned something. Don't miss Episode 63!
If you missed any older episodes, see the index.

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