Episode 139, originally published 10-Jun-2001

Crazy High

Will Billy and Mac's relationship be elevated to new heights?
Will Paul go crazy for Isabella?
Can Trisha and her father keep from driving each other crazy?
Will Ashley's crazy interrogations help John get a new perspective?
Will Larry finally be living the high life at Jabot?

At Jabot, Billy and Mac are in the elevator being forced to confront one another. Jack stops the elevator repairman and asks him, "Could you have the audio for this patched into my office?" The man raises an eyebrow but nods, almost reluctantly. "Hey, I'm not trying to peek in on anything indiscreet," he says defensively. "They're teenagers, and one of them is mine. I need to know when to open the elevator so that nothing indiscreet happens!" The man shrugs and walks on, as Jill approaches from the other direction.

In the hospital, Trisha has recovered sufficiently from the physical injuries of her car accident that it's time to consider releasing her. "Well," says her doctor, "feeling better?" "Yes, I am. I'm very much looking forward to having things finally return to normal." "That's great," says the doctor. "Let me go get your father. He's been waiting outside for you all this time." The camera follows the doctor out the door into the waiting room. "Just about ready to see your daughter released?" the doctor asks "Yes, I am. I'm very much looking forward to having things finally return to normal," Keith replies.

Back at Jabot, Phyllis enters Jack's office to find Billy and Mac are talking over the speaker phone on his desk. Immediately sensing the importance of the situation, she whips a pocket tape recorder from her purse and sets it by the phone to catch the conversation. Then, eagerly, she sits down to listen to the discussion. It isn't long before she is bawling her head off at the lovesick beauty of Mac and Billy's reunion, but she tries hard to remain as quiet as possible to avoid fouling up the tape she is making. Romantic music plays to indicate time passage, with fades from moment to moment showing ever more kleenex piling up on the desk.

Keith enters the hospital room to talk to Trisha. "All set to go home with Daddy?" he asks. "What are you talking about?" "You know," he says, "when you leave here--we used to have such a happy life together you and I, back in London. I figured I'd just take you back there and we could resume it." "I can't do that," Trisha protests. "Ryan is waiting for me to come home to him! I can't even remember how long I've been in here, but I know Ryan must be really tired of eating TV dinners by now. He needs me to come home and feed him some real food."

In the Jabot lobby, one of at least two elevators appears to be stuck, and the other, perhaps in some sort of play of empathy, is simply not stopping at this floor. Jill paces angrily as Jack watches. "What IS going on with the elevator today?" she asks angrily.

Back at the hospital, Keith comes up to the doctor in the hall. He whispers, "Uh, I think we have a little problem." "What's that? She seems fine to me. Very anxious to resume her life." "Yes, but she thinks her life is with Ryan. That isn't her life. It's just a fond memory she has of the way things used to be. Life has moved on. She's not his wife any more." "Oh, I see what you mean," the doctor says, taking this very seriously. "So you think she's not seeing reality?" "Definitely not," Keith says. "In fact, I think I may have to arrange for her to be committed..."

Phyllis pokes her head in from around the corner to the elevator waiting room. "Jack?" she asks sweetly. Jill glares at her and asks, "What are YOU doing here?" Phyllis lets the hissiness go straight past her. "Hello, Jill. I just came to see my man," she says, attaching herself tightly to Jack's arm and kissing him on the cheek. "Please!" Jill says. "I just came from the cafeteria and my lunch has not yet settled." "Got something against romance, Jill?" she starts to ask, then stops herself. "Oh, that reminds me, honey," Phyllis says to Jack, tugging on him. "I think you need to get that elevator fixed."

"And just why is the Jabot elevator any of YOUR business?" Jill asks, still trying to dominate the conversation. Phyllis laughs. "We don't all have brooms to fly around on, Jill. Some of us have to take the stairs when the elevator doesn't work." Then Phyllis turns back to Jack and says, "Billy and Mac are in there, and--" "They're what?" Jill asks, suddenly panicked. Jack says to Phyllis, "Don't worry. I know all about it." Phyllis seems surprised. "Sweetie, is what's going on in there something related to the summer campaign?" "What's going on in there? What IS going on in there?" Jill asks. Jacks tries to calm Jill, saying "It's nothing. It's not about the summer campaign. It's just personal." "You're damned right it has nothing to do with the summer campaign," Jill insists. "Anything that Mac is involved in is not coming within miles of the summer campaign." Phyllis grins, relieved. "Ok, I just wanted to be sure," Phyllis says. She starts to leave and then turns back. "Jack, do hurry and get the elevator fixed. It's getting very hot in there, if you know what I mean..."

In Trisha's hospital room, the doctor approaches Trisha, not sure what to say. Trisha speaks first. "Doctor? I think we have a little problem," she explains. "What's that?" the man asks, trying not to reveal anything about the conversation he's just had with Keith. "Not ready to resume your normal life?" "Well, I am," she says, "but my father thinks that life is with him. That isn't my life. Ever since I got married, he's never quite gotten over my having me moved out and gotten a life of my own. Periodically, he comes and kidnaps me and makes me stay with him in London, trying to pretend I'm still his little girl. But life has moved on. I'm an adult now, and I have my own life to lead." "So you think he's not seeing reality?" the doctor asks. "Definitely not," Trisha says. "In fact, I'm thinking I might have to arrange to have him committed."

Back at Newman Enterprises, Phyllis arrives in Victoria's office with her tape recorder. "I've got it!" Phyllis says. "Oh yeah?" Victoria asks, not sure what to make of the new entrant's excessive zeal. "What have you got?" she asks. "Our next promotional idea. We contact MacKenzie and we get her to be the spokesman for Newman." "But I thought we were thinking about hiring 'Jerri from Survivor'," Victoria says. "Who?" she asks. "Oh, right. Sorry. Yesterday's news. No, this is much better. We hire MacKenzie and we get her to steal away one of the Jabot teens." "Steal them? Would one of them come?" Phyllis laughs. "Oh, he will. He already did." "Huh? You're not making any sense." "Billy. He already--defected, as it were. I have it all here on tape. Now we just have to make it look like it was Brash and Sassy products that caused him to defect." "But I don't understand. You have tape of this? Won't it violate their contracts?" "It's tape taken in a public place. I don't think they had an expectation of privacy, Victoria. Besides, I asked Jack and even Jill over at Jabot and they both said this stuff I heard had nothing to do with their campaign. So I don't even have to feel guilty for using it." She sets the recorder on the desk and it begins to play.

At the Abbott household, Ashley, Brad, Jack, Phyllis, Billy, Mac, and John are gathered around the table playing a board game, as Mamie serves coffee. The camera zooms around the table and finally narrows in on the box for the game, which reads "Abbott Family Trivial Pursuit". John rolls the dice and it comes up a six. "Wow, that's great Daddy! We get to ask you another question." "Oh, come on, Ashley, that's the 437th six in a row that I've rolled. These dice must be off-balance." "Nonsense," says Brad. "This game is brand new. We just got it delivered today. You're just being lucky with your rolls." "And besides," Ashley adds, "we like asking you questions." "Yes, it's just as interesting to know what kinds of thing a person can remember as it is to be the one that remembers," Jack adds, trying to keep the mood light.

The game goes on. "Another six," John says, shaking his head. "How many has that been?" Phyllis asks. "I'm not sure," John says. "Aha!" Ashley exclaims. "I don't think ANY of us remembers," Mac says to Ash, trying to make John feel less bad. Ashley gives Mac a "who invited you?" scowl, but Billy glares back. Another spin of the spinner to find a topic area. "True love!" Phyllis says gleefully as Ash reaches for the deck of cards to ask the next question. "I've got a 'true love' question for him," Mamie whispers to Ash. "Really?" Ash whispers back. There is more whispering. Finally John says, "Is my memory ok, or were we playing a game here?" There is forced laughter all around.

Ash pretends to look at the card and reads, "Did you ever share a romantic kiss with Aunt Mamie?" Everyone looks to John, who thinks hard. Finally he says, "Does it really say that on the card?" Ash shows the card to Brad, while also grinding down on his foot tentatively with her heel in case he opts not to answer as she wants him to. He feels the heel digging in and says, "Uh, yes, yes, that's exactly what it says." John tries to think. "I've never kissed Mamie romantically." "Sorry, Dad," Ashley says, "wrong answer. You have kissed her that way." "I have?" John asks. Ash nods. "And you know what that means?" Ash asks. "That it's finally someone else's turn to play?" John responds hopefully. "No, Daddy, it means you have Alzheimer's!" Ash insists. "Oh, that's ridiculous. I never kissed you," John says to Mamie as she passes by. "Oh, and could you get me some more coffee?" he adds. Mamie gives him an angry look. "I'm not sure I remember how to do that, Mr. Abbott. Maybe you'd just better get your own damned coffee if it's all that important to you."

At Paul's house, Paul awakens to find Isabella snuggled up next to him, still asleep. He looks surprised. A helpful flashback of them having passionate sex from the previous night reminds him of why she is here. In a voiceover, as we relive the event, we hear him thinking aloud. "Wow, she's quite good at sex for someone who used to be just the bookkeeper for an escort service. I wonder why she never--" But he stops himself. "She's a woman of high moral principle," we hear him say. But then she wakes and looks up at him and we hear him in voice over say, "Uh oh. She's waking up. Now I remember why I like her better at night. It's not just the sex. It's that she's boring to talk to. But is all that sex really worth it? Can I really face a daytime life as boring as mine with her is shaping up to be?" He shakes his head and says aloud. "Isabella, this is wrong. I know it seemed like the right thing last night, in the heat of the moment. But I'm a married man. I can't behave this way..." She sighs and nods. "So it's time for me to move out?" "I'm afraid it will have to be. I hope you don't--" "No, no, I'm used to it. A lot of men seem to come to their senses right after I've first slept with them. I guess that goes to show I know a lot of men with very high moral character." Paul looks at her blankly. "Uh, right. You've hit it right on the head."

The next morning, Nikki with Larry, showing him around. They stop off in a very large office. "This your office?," Larry asks. She laughs. "For goodness sakes, no," she says. "Mine's much prettier." "Besides," she goes on, you won't need an office while you get started. You'll be delivering mail. But maybe after the first week..." "The first week?" Larry asks, surprised. Nikki nods. "What comes after that?" "Well, that depends on what kinds of positions open up, and what you're qualified for." "Really?" Larry asks thoughtfully. "You mean people who start out down in the mail room still eventually move up in the world?" Nikki laughs out loud. "Why Mr. Warton, you have such a sense of humor. Of course they do. Why, Brad--" "--that overgrown nightclub bouncer wannabe I ran into before?" Larry asks, interrupting. She nods. "Yes, he started out as a pool boy. And I--" she pauses for dramatic effect, "--started out as a stripper." His jaw drops and he mentally undresses her. "No kidding," he says. "So if you can just keep your nose clean, there's really really no limit to where you can go around here. Do you think you can do that?" Larry considers this. "With, like, no actual work seeming to ever go on anywhere? And still you guys get paid like you do, benefits and all, even the janitors. No wonder all these goodie-two-shoes--uh, present company excluded of course--don't have to resort to crime... when they can live this kind of life of luxury and get paid for it. Darned tootin' I'll stay straight, straight as an arrow, Ms. Newman. You can count on old Larry."

Meanwhile, in the Jabot board room, Brad, Ash, Jack, and John are in the board room are also discussing matters related to Larry, though from a much different point of view. "Daddy? Isn't there something we can do about this?" Ash asks John. "Now, my beauty, let's just--" But before he can go on, some men in white coats enter. "John Abbott?" one of them says to John. "When last I checked, yes," John jokes. "Very funny, Mr. Abbott," one says. "Keep that sense of humor. You'll need it where you're going," the other adds. The two then grab him by the arms and start to haul him out. He looks back pleadingly at everyone. The others look startled, but make no move to stop the action. There is a momentary silence. Finally, Jack asks, "So who's going to take over Dad's job?" "I will, I guess," Ash says. "Well, that's going to do a lot of good," Brad says. "That just leaves an opening in product development! How can we get that filled?"

The scene fades and lights come up on the mail room, where Jack pokes his head in. "Hey, fella--good news! There's an opening in upper management and you're next in line." "Really?" he says, not sure if he's being teased. "But I haven't been here a week. Not even a whole day...." Jack shrugs. "Some guys are just lucky, I guess. Anyway, my Dad's leaving the company and my sister's taking over for him. That leaves an opening for someone to run the New Product Development lab. What do you say? Are you up for coming up with the products we need to keep us in business?" "Are you kidding me?" Larry asks. "I've been in prison for years with nothing to do but think. I am nothing if not full of ideas..."

Time seems to pass again. A week? Maybe two? But then you realize you've just drifted off while watching one of those excruciatingly dull and pointless scenes between Olivia and Malcolm or, no, maybe it was Neil and Alex. You struggle to remember which, but then realize it hardly matters since nothing is going on in either plotline. With considerable effort, you begin to wake back up now, resolving next time to do a better job of fast forwarding through those scenes in the future.

In the Jabot board room, Larry stands before the others who he now shares board seats with. He uses a laser pointer to point at professionally prepared slides that underscore his main points. "So you see," he says, "this particular co-marketing is perfect because the smell of the perfumes and all that will mask the smell of the, uh, other products." "I'm still not clear on what those 'other products' are," Nikki asks. "You've been a bit vague about that." "Just some things I whipped up in the lab. Ash here left me a mighty cool setup." "We're talking illegal drugs here, aren't we?" Brad says finally. "No, we're not," Larry says insistently. "They can't make it illegal until they find out what I've made, and we're gonna do one of them secret things like with the fried chicken spices, where no one knows what exactly we're selling. Here, try," he says, offering a sample around for everyone to try. "I don't smell anything," Ash says. "You gotta stick it farther up the inside of your nose," Larry urges them. Everyone tries. Nikki sneezes. "Hey, that's cool," Larry says, "that works right in with our advertising campaign." "You have a campaign worked out already? My, my. You've certainly been busy. What are you going to call it?" Nikki asks proudly, starting to feel a little woozy from whatever she's just put up her nose. Larry smiles and says, "I call it: Blow by Jabot."

That's all for this episode. Hope you learned something. Don't miss Episode 140!
If you missed any older episodes, see the index.

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