Episode 133, originally published 07-Mar-2001

Snow Job

Will anyone be snowed by the evidence the police collect?
Besides Jordan, who else will be iced before Nick's saga is over?
Is it true what they say--that snow news is good news?

At Nick and Sharon's house, Doris is in the living room looking up at Nick and Sharon, who are about to depart on their trip. "You're sure you'll be ok here with Cassie?" "Just go and have a good time, girl," Doris says, waving them on their way. "Young Cassie and I are going to be just fine." She grabs a hammer from a nearby table. Sharon gasps. "Mom, what are you going to do with that hammer?" Cassie enters carrying an armload of lumber. "Where shall I put this?" she asks. "Will you just go," Doris urges Sharon. "Cassie and I are just going to start on a little project while you're gone." Sharon still looks concerned. "A project?" Doris nods. "What kind of project?" Nick asks. "Nothing for you to be concerned with, Nicholas," she says. "I'm just going to put in some wheelchair ramps here and there so that I can move around your house without always having to call Miguel." Sharon smiles and says, "That's a great idea, Mom. Well, it sounds like you two will have plenty to keep you busy and out of trouble while we're gone. Have fun!"

Later, Nick is with Sharon at the airport. A guy in a flowered shirt sits nearby trying to look inconspicuous. The guy wears an earpiece and seems to be fidgeting with some sort of electronic device behind his newspaper. He shakes his head, and then tries to adjust the carnation on his lapel.

Nick and Sharon are oblivious to all of this. "Nick, that was such a nice thing you did for Jordan--the memorial service," Sharon says, heaping on the praise. Nick beams. "Well, it isn't like it was a big deal. Is going down tonight on our trip instead of this morning such a big price to pay?" She shakes her head and he continues. "And it was the least I could do, Sharon. I feel bad about that guy. I killed--what--maybe an hour or two giving everyone that memorial service? What's that sacrifice compared to what he gave up by committing his life to the evils of drugs." Sharon is giving him an intense look of approval. "Oh, I know just what you mean, honey," she says with sustained approval. Then suddenly she sneezes. "Achoo!" He looks at her, concerned. "Are you coming down with a cold?" She looks sheepish. "Maybe, but I hope you won't cancel the trip." "No way, Sharon. I'm looking forward to it. But did you bring the antacids and cold remedies?" She smiles and nods. "Don't worry, I bought lots. Of drug stores, one thing I know for sure is that there aren't as many where we're going as there are here."

Just then the police walk up and cuff Nick and Sharon. "Nicholas and Sharon Newman?" Detective Edmunds asks impatiently. "You know we are," Nick says impatiently. "What's this about?" The detective snaps his fingers and the undercover guy comes over and reluctantly hands him a small tape recorder. The undercover guy says, "I'm not sure it all came out." The detective waves his hand dismissively, then winds it back and plays it. There is intermittent static but we hear Nick say "... A big deal is going down tonight ... I feel bad about that guy I killed ..." and then later we hear Sharon say "... I bought lots of drugs ..." Edmunds shakes his head sadly. "Mrs. Newman, you disappoint me. I knew your husband was a hood, but I never would have imagined you were in on this two," he says. "In on what?" "You heard the tape," he says. "You're both drug lords, and Nick's a murderer. Now move it. I've got to get you downtown."

Suddenly the screen goes blue and a logo of your local AWO carrier comes on the screen. "We interrupt this episode to annoy our New England readers with a report on the snowstorm that's outside. We take you now live to someone standing in the falling snow." The camera changes to show you a picture of a woman standing in a heap of snow. "As you can see," she explains, "it's snowing here where I am. If you look out the window and don't see snow, ignore this report. If you do see snow, then ignore this report, too, because we're not telling you anything you couldn't have guessed yourself." We now return you to your regularly scheduled soap opera already in progress.

We now rejoin the show as Mary Williams stands in Paul's office, perhaps talking to Paul or Lynn or Marissa, we can't really be sure. "That is the most amazing thing I ever heard. I can't believe you just told me that. But, as I promised, I will definitely keep it a secret," she says. And we fade to a commercial.

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We apparently missed a transition during the interruption. Cassie is now pushing Doris down a rapidly darkening city street. "Are you sure you're not getting tired, child? It's getting so late." "No," Cassie says with a sense of urgency, "we have to clear my mom and dad." "All right, all right," Doris says, "I guess we can push on a little farther--wait, here it is," Doris says, pointing to a street sign. Cassie nods and turns the wheelchair around the corner and proceeds until they find a phone booth a short way down. She rushes to the phone and checks the number against one written on a piece of scrap paper she's carrying. "This is it!" she says excitedly. Doris smiles. "It was real nice of that Newman Enterprises webmistress helping us access the phone company records to find out where that anonymous phone call to the police was placed from here in Milwaukee. I just hope we find something here." She pulls out a plastic bag, some white gloves, and a pair of tweezers from her purse and hands them to Cassie. "Remember," she says, "go by the numbers." Cassie puts on the gloves and salutes sharply, then starts to look around the phone booth. On the metal desk area, just below the phone, she finds a pencil and picks it up with the tweezers to examine. "It has bitemarks in it," she says excitedly. "Good girl," Doris says. "We'll take it back to Genoa City and have its DNA tested. The police said it sounded like the caller had something in his mouth. It was probably that pencil."

Another breakin from our conscientious network, perhaps worried that we might have missed the previous one! "We just wanted to update you on that snow emergency brewing outside," explains the announcer. "Basically, it's still snowing. But let's take you to an announcer who will say this in different words." The camera cuts away to yet another newscaster, this one standing in more snow. "I'm reporting to you live from out in the snow. It seems to be snowing. We expect it to continue." The music swells dramatically and then an announcer says, "We now return you to your regularly scheduled show."

We're left mid-scene again. It's anybody's guess what just happened. Olivia, in her apartment, is just putting down the phone, placing her hand over her heart. Her face is drained of blood and she looks white as--well, white as a character who has a decent plot. "Who was that on the phone, mommy" Nate asks. She tries to regain her composure. "It was nothing, Nate. Mommy will handle this," she says.

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At Jabot, Cassie, Doris, and Nikki are outside in a hallway. "Do you think she's got an answer for us yet?" Cassie asks. "Let's go check," Doris says, pushing her way into Ashley's lab. Nikki and Cassie follow. "Well?" Doris asks Ashley, "do you have the DNA test results?" Ashley nods. "I do," she says gravely. "There's no doubt about it. This man is definitely the father of Diane's child." Nikki gasps, as Cassie protests, "That's not what we asked you to figure out!" "Well," Ashley says to Nikki, "I just thought you'd want to know." Cassie is getting restless. "But did you find out who it is so we can ask them why they're setting up my dad?" Ashley nods. "It was Larry Warton." "The famous 'Wartman'?" Nikki asks, amazed. "Does that surprise you?" Ashley asks. "Well, no," Nikki responds, "not that he's the one who's setting up my son, Nicholas. But that he's Diane's son's father!" Larry enters from behind. At this, Larry enters from behind. "My ears were burning," he says. "Were you ladies talking about me?" Everyone recoils in horror. "We were just discussing the fact that you somehow ended up the father of Diane's child." "Why's that so strange?" Larry asks. "I needed the dough, and I had the seeds to sow," he says, smiling.

There's that blue logo of the local network again. An announcer says, "We take you now live to someone standing in the falling snow." The camera changes to show you a picture of a woman standing in a heap of snow. "As you can see," she explains, "it's snowing--wait--" She listens to her earpiece a moment. "We're going to go live now to Joe Johnsontino who is standing in snow elsewhere in New England. Joe?" "Yes, Katie, I'm here in snow, too, and as you can see it's falling just like it is where you are. We just wanted to dramatically illustrate to our viewers how powerful this snow storm really is. Powerful enough to interrupt your soaps. Back to Jim and Liz in the studio." "Well, that really is gripping," says Liz, stacking up some blank papers on the desk in front of her. "And we're going to keep right with this storm and bring you every excruciating inch as it falls. But for now, we return you to your regularly scheduled soap opera commercial interruption, already in progress.

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"So you just let that Wartman guy get away?" Victoria asks her mother, her eyes wide with surprise. "What else could we do?" Nikki asks. Victoria paces, waving her arms around. "Well, you could have called the police and told them to let my brother out of prison because you'd caught the guy who set him up." Nikki thinks about this. "But Victoria," she protests finally, "we couldn't really do that, don't you see? If we turn Larry in, that unwanted child of Diane's will grow up without a father." "So you're just going to protect him every time he's arrested?" Nikki shrugs. "I don't see any other choice. Do you?" Victoria stomps around the room a bit. "I guess not," she says with a great sigh. Then she adds, "But what about Nicholas? We can't just leave him in prison." Nikki shrugs. "Well, it could be worse--at least he has a sitter for the kids."

Can you believe it? Another interruption from the network. "For those who just joined us and don't realize that we've been interrupting your show, we just wanted to confirm that we're determined not to let you understand what's going on. It's snowing out, and we figured that while you were stuck at home with nothing to do, you'd rather watch our broadcasts of announcements confirming that it's snowing out than actually get to enjoy your favorite soap opera parody uninterrupted. Oh, and did we mention it's snowing out? Just look outside--you'll see we're right. We now return you to what's left of your show."

Nick and Sharon are coming into their ranch house. Miguel and Doris are there. Cassie and Noah run to greet them. "How did you get free?" Cassie asks eagerly. "Was it the evidence that Gramma Doris and I tracked down from Milwaukee?" Sharon smiles but shakes her head. "Well, that helped, but I think the real help came from Megan Dennison." "Who's she?" Cassie asks. "You remember her," Nick says, "She's the sister of Trisha Dennison. She was going to marry Tony when Trisha ran over him?" "Oh right..." Cassie says, remembering what happened to Tony. "Well," Sharon explains, "it was the strangest coincidence. She just happened to be driving by when Trisha and Carter were coming out of a building." "Carter?" Doris asks. "You know, Mother--the one whose voice sounded just like Matt Clark's?" Sharon responds helpfully. "Ah yes," Doris said. "You hired him to work at your coffee house, didn't you?" "That's right," Sharon explains, then continues: "Well, it turns out he really was Matt Clark. And I guess he really had it in for me. But like I said, he just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time because Megan Dennison's car just happened to run into him." Nick picks up at this point, "And as he laid there dying, he told Trisha she had to carry on for him in his mission to bring us pain and hardship for the rest of our lives." "But she wouldn't do it?" Cassie asks. "Sort of," Sharon explains to her daughter. "It was more like she couldn't," Nick interjects. "Couldn't what?" Cassie asks. "Well, she wanted to help Carter, but she--well, she couldn't understand his instructions to her." "She's a pretty dim bulb," Nick says. "Wow, coming from you, that says a lot!" Cassie exclaims. Nick smiles proudly. "That's my girl. I told Sharon you'd understand."

That's all for this episode. Hope you learned something. Don't miss Episode 134!
If you missed any older episodes, see the index.

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