Episode 13, originally published 07-Jan-97

Crime-Time Lineup

The phone rings at the Genoa City Police Department. Salina Wiley grabs the phone and answers, "GCPD." We hear a woman's voice at the other end of the phone. "Call off the dogs, I did it, ok?" Salina covers the mouthpiece of the phone and asks, "Isn't the canine unit off today?" Another detective nods. "Uh, ma'am, I'm not sure what you're talking about--dogs--but ours are not on duty today. If you have a problem with dogs, you'll be wanting to call the dog c--" "No, no. I was speaking metaphorically," Phyllis says. "With intellect like you guys show sometimes, it's a wonder you tracked me down." "Ma'am, we haven't tracked you down. I have no idea what you're talking about." "You haven't? But I thought you'd just figured out who tried to run down Paul and the bug--uh, Crick--uh, Christine Williams." "Oh, no ma'am. We have no idea who did that." "Oh! Ok, well never mind then." Phyllis hangs up the phone and dials another number, but it's busy.

It's the Private Dining Room. Seated around a large table are Paul and Cricket, Kurt and Hope, Nikki and Joshua, Victoria and Cole, and Nina (next to an empty seat). Everyone is dressed formally and is sipping drinks. Paul calls for their attention by tapping a wine glass. "OK, let's review the facts," he says. Cricket nods and turns to Nikki, "First, there's Nikki Landers and that disappearing cyst." Nikki covers her lap with her napkin and says indignantly, "Excuse me? Just how do you know about that?" Before Cricket can answer, Paul turns to Kurt and says, "And you, mysterious stranger. What are those voices we always hear when you're alone?" Cricket has turned to Joshua and continues the rapid pace interrogation with him, "And what about that wife of yours? We found out she exists, but now that fact is being ignored!" "Hey!" says Malcolm entering the dining room, dressed in a tux, "I bet you folk ain't EVEN gonna ask about that little bit of hanky panky between me and Dru? Talk about things forgotten!"

Neil is with Jack in his office. "Ya know, Jack, I just don't get this thing with Drucilla. Things used to be so much simpler. Drucilla knew her place. She took care of Lily, she had dinner ready when I came home, and she didn't complain either." Jack nods and starts to reply, but Neil continues, "We just used to be happier when she didn't demand so much." Jack starts to reply again, "I feel for you, Neil--" but he is again cut off. "Anyway, as you know, that isn't why I came by--did you get that report on `Salary Equity by Race' I submitted earlier today?"

Back in the Private Dining Room, Malcolm walks to the empty seat by Nina. "This place taken?" he asks. Nina shakes her head. "No, help yourself," she says politely. Paul turns to Nina, raising his eyebrows knowingly. "He'll have to help himself, won't he. You can't help him. You can't help anyone. What HAS happened to you? You used to be such a strong person, and then you just threw it all out the window for no apparent reason. Definitely a clue of some sort." Victoria looks hopelessly confused, "Clue?" "That's right," says Cricket meeting Victoria's eyes and trying to stare her down. "Don't think we've forgotten that Cole has a gun and that your fingerprints are on it." Hope, too, looks confused. "You act like you're trying to solve a mystery of some kind," she says. "We are," says Paul. "The mystery is this: why are we getting all of these clues when there's no apparent mystery to be solved? Mystery enough, don't you think?"

The phone rings at the Genoa City Police Department. Salina again grabs it and says, "GCPD." "I want to confess," says a male voice. "I'll need a bit more information," she says. "The Mr. and Mrs. Williams--well, they weren't married then--but I tried to run them down." Salina says, "How odd, I just received a call from someone else on that." "Phyllis Romalatti?" "It could have been, now that you mention it. She didn't give her name." "Well, she didn't do it, I tell you. I did it," Tim says. "I thought she might try to confess to save my good name, but don't believe a word she says. She's a good and decent person, and I can't let her do it when she's got her whole life ahead of her. No, I have to confess. How late are you open? Can I come down today and turn myself in?"

Jack is still staring out his office window. "Neil, life used to be so much simpler," he says wistfully as the camera draws back to show that Neil is no longer present to hear the remark. Screen fuzz tells us we're flashing back to when Neil was present. "Neil, I'm not going to mince words. Either it's the year 1950 and the little woman's place is in the home and the black man gets a black salary, or it's going on 2000 where men and women, black and white, are equals. Your choice, Neil."

The flashback voice is still echoing "Your choice, Neil." but the image dissolves to Neil, who is entering his house. "Jack, I can't believe you'd do this too me!" Neil says to the opening door. "Hi, honey, how was work?" Drucilla asks cautiously. "Oh, Dru, you wouldn't believe it if I told you. Jack is living in the dark ages--" "No!" Dru says, disbelievingly. "Yo!" he says (in his best Y&Rbonics translation of "Way!"). "I wrote a report saying the brothers' salaries didn't match up to whitey's and you know what he said? He said `tough' that it wasn't ever gonna change!"

"But we have the answer," Paul says. Cricket looks at him, "We do?" Paul nods, and begins to explain. "Long ago, Joshua and Hope and Kurt were siblings in an orphanage. Triplets, actually. I see it in your eyes--many of you thought it might be the twins thing, but now you see it's something very, VERY different. Anyway, they each went to different families, but retained a lingering psychic connection that would one day draw them together again. Later in life, Joshua used to talk about the good old days at the orphanage until it drove his first wife crazy. So she voluntarily committed herself to a sanitarium and he went on to become a doctor. Then, Joshua's vision started to wane and he accidentally diagnosed a cyst for Nikki--which he later covered for by saying it had gone away." Heads are bobbing gradually, and we cut to commercial to let the full magnitude of these developments sink in.

Neil picks up from before, "So you see why I need you at home honey? Without those promotions I deserve, I'll have to work twice as hard just to break even and I need you in the home so we don't have to be hiring sitters...." Dru sounds unconvinced: "Uh, huh." Then she adds sweetly, "Honey?" His answer is an abrupt and irritated "What?" "Jack called a little while ago. He was worried that maybe -- well, that you might not repeat what he'd said the way he said it." "He did? Well, he didn't have to do that." "Uh, huh, I think he did have to," Dru says back. She continues: "But I told him that's ok, that we already had lots of money from my modeling job so that we really didn't even need what he was underpaying you -- and he was soooo nice about it. He agreed right then and there that he was being a real heel by paying you so low for such a good job, and he agreed to just let you go rather than forcing you through such a trauma. Wasn't that nice of him? So just shut your trap and pack for Tahiti 'cuz you ain't underpaid no more."

Paul continues his tale, "Meanwhile, Kurt's hearing was going. So instead of seeing things, he started hearing things! BUT, like the cyst, none of this was real. Which brings us to Cole. Cole figured out what was going on from some of Nina's research notes. But no matter how much he would tell himself `truth is stranger than fiction' he still couldn't accept the fact that this could happen in real life while if he were to try such a plot in his books, it would never sell. He was jealous of this master plot that reality had woven, and so he'd made up his mind to kill Hope, Joshua, and Kurt!" Cricket, seeing where Paul is going with this, tidies up the loose ends: "Right. So Cole bought a gun and waited until Victoria's fingerprints were on it. Tonight, after dinner, he would have shot them all and his wife would have been blamed." Cricket turns to Nina and says, "It was you he wanted, Nina, not that spoiled brat Victoria." Nina smiles her first big smile in weeks. Cricket mutters, "It would have served her right, too. There's nothing worse than the daughter of some rich guy who thinks she's in line to inherit the world!" Police enter and haul off Cole. Cricket turns to Nina and says, "Easy come, easy go, Nina." Nina nods understandingly. Everyone seems happy (except perhaps Malcolm, who still looks miffed that no one cares about his affair with Dru) as credits roll. The tune of Bless The Beasts and the Children signals the end of a long, exhausting plot line.

That's all for this episode. Hope you learned something. Don't miss Episode 14!
If you missed any older episodes, see the index.

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