Episode 43 Morals

In plain English, these are the morals from Episode 43:

Can Phyllis Stop The Bug From Sharing Sasha's Secret?

There's been so much speculation about Michael Baldwin coming out and working with Phyllis to squash the bug, I thought I'd go against the grain (at severe personal risk to myself, given the number of Baldwin lovers and Bug haters in the world) and see what would happen if Phyllis and Michael didn't adopt the obvious posture of allies against a common cause.

I apologize in advance for this one, but this was part of my campaign to keep the writers of the show thinking about alternatives and actually surprising us once in a while. Probably this didn't leave anyone laughing really a lot, but I tried to surround it with other plot threads that did--I hope that made up for my indiscretion here.

With Grace and Tony Silent, Is Cindy Cassie's Last Hope in Breaking the Silence?

Boy, this storyline reminds me of a certain `battery bunny' because it keeps going and ... well, you know. I'm going to keep working on sudden ways out of it, in hopes the vibes from my strong wishes will lead to action in the show itself. The Grace/Cassie thing might have been a good idea when it started, but it's been overplayed--now it's just excruciating. Please let's move it along. We don't have to be done with it, but we do have to not be in an endless boring loop.

The Kiss Heard Round the World: How Long Before Noise of Diane's Shopping Trip Reaches Jack?

Diane's big in the show this week so I felt I had to do something with her. But mostly I think they've done too little to give her a discernable character. We can't figure out why she does what she does--she's just a cardboard cutout of a character. Her actions seem random and not founded in any solid theory. She arrived complaining to Jack that he was unfaithful, and she couldn't trust him--now we see her being the same way. Is this an organized plot to get back at Jack? A betrayal of her own values? No values at all? We have no way of knowing because she isn't grounded in a way that lets us know who she is. This is not the way I think mystery ought to be done. So when it comes time to parody her, I'm left with slapstick only because I can't figure out what's "in character". So I went back to the newsgroup and tried to build a story around the number one complaint about her: the noise she makes kissing Jack!

I finally settled on the fact that it's just about impossible for a billionaire like Victor to go anywhere with a new woman (much less shopping at Harrod's) and not have the news make it back to Genoa City somehow. So even if one could fly from Genoa City to London and back in the time allotted, which seems doubtful to me (and many on the newsgroup), it's completely ridiculous to assume that this affair would still be a secret after this trip. The tabloid news programs are more efficient than that. And surely someone in Genoa City would be watching. So the word would get back to Jack.

What Happens When Kurt (Costner) Tries to Break Ashley of an Annoying Habit?

Kurt continues to out-parody himself with his continued amazing deeds, but I've done that to death and will try to resist the urge to repeat myself. For a while, at least. Meanwhile, the big thing that seems to have the newsgroup's notice is Ashley's incessant desire to call him `Kurt Costner' even though they're now on kissing terms. I felt for the sake of the many baffled by this behavior, I had to invent some rational reason for Ashley's behavior so we could all rest comfortably again. So now we know.

That's all for Episode 43's morals. Don't miss Episode 44 and its morals!
If you missed any older episodes, see the index.