Episode 86, originally published 15-Feb-98

Miss Placed

Nick arrives at Paul Williams' office. "Hello, Mr. Newman," Lynne greets him. "Is this about Newman Enterprises? Is he expecting you?" "Uh, no, this is more personal--and I don't have an appointment." Lynne smiles. "Well, I'm sure we can fit you in--hang on just one second." She presses a button on the intercom. "Paul? You have Mr. Nicholas Newman waiting out here. He says it's something personal." "Send him in, Lynne."

In the offices of `Love Scorned' Magazine, two editors are thumbing through incoming submissions. "Boy are these bad," the younger of the two men says. A black-on-white sign on the man's desk identifies him as Sherman Whitman. He's dressed in a button-down shirt, no tie, and a ratty old suit jacket that has probably been worn every day for years. The other editor nods. "I'm afraid these are all pretty bad, too, Sherm," says the man whose tarnished brass sign says `Albert Marks'. Marks is slightly graying, wears reading glasses, and wears a bow tie and vest that make him look a bit older than he probably really is. Sherman says, "If we don't find something to use soon we're never going to have enough to make up this month's issue." Al shakes his head. "That would be bad." "Bad?" Al points to another stack of mail. It is conspicuously not literature, but bills. "If we don't make this month's issue," Al says, "we'll never make the rent and--Hello, what have we here...?" "Huh?" Sherman asks, "Did the postman accidentally deliver us something addressed to the New Yorker?" Al chuckles. "Nope, but just about as good," he replies, tossing Sherman an open envelope.

"So you see," Nick explains to Paul, "I'd just like to have my wife followed." "Can you tell us what you're looking for--what you're expecting?" "No, not really. I'm just playing out a hunch for now. Just report back to me on anything and everything." Paul nods. "Ok, I'll get someone on it." "Thanks, Paul. You'll never know what a lifesaver you are," Nick says. They shake hands and Nick leaves. Paul goes back to his work but a few minutes later the phone buzzes. "Paul? Mr. Victor Newman would like a word with you...?" Paul mouths, "VICTOR Newman?" but says aloud, "Sure, Lynne, is he on the phone?" "Nope. He's here waiting. Shall I send him in?" "Of course," Paul says.

Having finished skimming the story Al has handed him, Sherman looks up. "I don't understand. This is terrible..." Al waits silently. "What?" Sherman asks. He looks again at the article but still shakes his head. "You want to start a series on stories not to write?" Al laughs aloud. "I guess you just aren't going to notice." "Notice what? Is there a redeeming element here that I'm missing?" Al nods. "Uh, huh." Sherman says, "All right, I'll bite. What is it?" Al walks over and draws a circle around the author's name with a red pencil. When Sherman doesn't react instantly, he draws a smaller circle around the last name. "Chancellor," he says. "Of Chancellor Industries?" Al nods. "And I've read in the gossip pages recently that she's divorcing..." "Oh, yeah?" Sherman says. Al nods. "Look, we got nothing going now. I say we give the kid a break--and, maybe, invite her down for some visits." "So we can teach her how to write?" Sherman asks. "Are you kidding?" Al answers. "With money like she's got, she doesn't need to be able to write anything more than her name on a rent check. But it can't hurt her if we wine her and dine her and TELL her what a great author she is..." Sherman, who looks quite pleased with this, admits: "Well, I'm all for anything that pays the rent. But what if she doesn't want to help us?" "Well, let's hope it doesn't come to that. But if it does--well, then we move on to phase 2." "Phase 2?" Sherman asks. Al nods. "Phase 2. You know--kidnapping, ransom notes, and all that." His tone is jovial, but Sherman gives him a look like he's not sure whether or not to believe him. Al goes on, apparently trying to keep him from worrying: "BUT, anyone who's dumb enough to submit a story this raw--it should never get to phase 2."

At Paul's office, Victor has explained his request. "I'm afraid," Victor says to Paul, "that's all I can tell you--just that I want the young lady followed. I can't tell you why--just keep me posted on anything and everything she does, ahright?" "I'll do what I can Victor, but it would help if I--" Victor cuts him off. "Just do your usual thorough job. That's all I am asking. Ahright?" He turns and leaves without waiting for a reply.

Al leans back in his chair and shakes his head. "What?" Sherman asks. Al smiles, "You know, I read somewhere that this Chancellor woman was taking writing lessons with Cole Howard." "The famous novelist?" "The same. You'd think someone with connections like that she would have let him read it over before she submitted it." "You don't think she did?" Sherman asks. Al slides his reading glasses down on his nose and makes eye contact with Sherman directly over the top of them. "You're kidding, right? Did you just read the same pitiful story I did? If ANYONE with sense had seen this story before it went out, they'd NEVER have let her embarrass herself by sending it out for publication. She's working alone on this one--and she's desperate to prove herself. And we're not going to let her down. Now, you write up an acceptance letter--I'm going to go shopping for flowers." "Flowers?" "For the beautiful Ms. Chancellor." "Beautiful? But you haven't even met her." "No, that's true. But beauty is only skin deep, while money--especially big stacks of it like the Chancellors have--can go a lot deeper. She has the kind of figure--well, figures, really--that I just adore..." He grabs a hat from the coat rack by the door, places it on his head, and walks out.

It's the end of a long day. Paul sits with Lynne in the lobby of the detective agency. "Lynne, do you have ANY idea what's going on?" "What do you mean, boss?" she asks. "Well, today we had half a dozen people came by. And they all wanted to have us follow either Sharon Newman or Grace Turner. No one would give us any more information." "Did you take the cases?" "Well, I wondered if I should," Paul explains. "I mean, it might be a conflict of interest--but I don't know what they're interested in so I can't tell if there's a conflict. And anyway, it seemed silly when someone else wants to pay me to do something I'm already doing anyway not to just take the money." "Well, that's easy for you, Boss. You just have to follow them. It's me that writes up the reports--and more clients means more reports." Paul sighs. "Sorry about that, Lynne. I forgot all about that. Well, just do the best you can--I'm sure you'll come up with something." "Well, I've got one idea, boss." "What's that?" "Well, it may seem crazy--but it's economical and very practical." "I'm all for that--what is it?" "Well, we could give you and Jerry video cameras and we could pipe everything you see into the Genoa City cable access channel 24-hours a day." "Cable access?" "Sure, why not. I'm sure no one really watches those stations anyway. So if you have a ready-made audience of half a dozen people all wanting to watch Sharon's or Grace's movements 24 hours a day, you'll probably be substantially upping the channel's viewership. And then, instead of my writing detailed reports, I could just send each client a memo saying to watch the channel." "That's a great idea, Lynne. Go ahead with that!" "Ok, I'm on it, boss."

In the office of Substitute President of Brash and Sassy at Newman Enterprises, a man enters and drops a stack of letters into the IN box on Nina's desk. "Thanks, Tom," Nina says. "Anything interesting today?" "Just the usual kind of thing--reports from our branch offices, resumes, and--oh," he says holding up one more letter, "a letter from the publishers of `Love Scorned' magazine." "Let me see that!" she says, reaching her hands out. He waves it ceremoniously through the air, landing it in her eager hands. Almost the instant she has it, she rips into it. Her eyes devour the letter and she suddenly bursts out, "Yes!" "Something good?" Tom asks. "Good?" she asks rhetorically. "Good?" she asks again. She holds the letter with the thumb and index finger of her left hand, elbow extended outward, in a deliberately over-dramatic pose. Her other elbow is extended outward, her wrist bent back, and her hand resting on her chest. She clears her throat and reads in a crude approximation to a British accent, "Dear Ms. Chancellor, we were shocked and amazed by the quality of your writing. We have never been more anxious to publish a story such as yours than we find ourselves today. We are anxious to profit from this new acquaintance with you, as we have never profited before. And as regards said profit, we should like to invite you to visit our fair city to consult with us, perhaps offering us a helping hand out here." She puts the letter down on the table.

"What are you going to do?" Tom asks Nina. "Do?" Nina asks. "About your job here." "Oh!" Nina says, "I guess I have to decide between them, don't I? I have so many friends who just run out of town for days at a time without worrying about work that I forget that some jobs don't allow that. Well, I guess I'll have to resign. Can you set up an appointment with Victor Newman?" "For when?" "As soon as possible. Right now if you can." "Now? Well, I'll try, but--he's a busy man." Nina says, "Well, use the secret password if you have to." She goes to the wall and slides away a painting to reveal a safe. She unlocks it and withdraws a small spiral bound notebook marked `PASSWORDS'. She hands it to Tom. He opens it and reads aloud. "Person A will identify himself or herself to Person B by means of a coded phrase. Today's phrase is ``Has there been a cancellation?'' Person B will respond with ``You're in luck. There was just a cancellation.'' Person A finishes the sequence with ``Thank you. You'll never know how much this means to me.''" Tom looks up from the book. "Wow," he says, "I've heard this exchange a number of times between office employees--I had no idea it was part of a special code." "Yeah, well, that's why they pay me the big bucks, I guess," Nina says. She takes the notebook and puts it back in the safe while Tom goes to set up the appointment with Newman.

It's morning at the Genoa City bus station. Having heard from Millie that Cassie is in Genoa city, Alice arrives on a TransWays bus. Exhausted and unsure of where to go, she finds a bench and curls up for some much-needed sleep. She is awakened, though, by the sound of voices mentioning the name Cassie, and by her daughter's voice. She looks around, confused. No sign of her. But the voices persist. Then she sees people sitting in formed plastic chairs watching TV-for-a-quarter. She rushes to look over the shoulder of one such person. There, on the screen, she sees Cassie. "What's that?" she says to the man whose TV space she is invading. "Some new show," says the man. "Usually it's those pretty colored bars with 'nouncements of school cancelings and special events," he continues. "But today it's more interesting. Some sort of show about these two blondes named Sharon and Grace who are fighting over some kid named Cassie..." But Alice is no longer listening. She has found a TV with time left on it and dialed up the Sharon and Grace show.

"Let me get this straight--you want to resign?" Victor asks Nina. "That's right, Mr. Newman. I just received word that my first short story is due to be published. I think it's time I broke out of the conventional mold of office worker and set out to find my real destiny." "But who will we get to replace you?" Victor asks. He presses a button on his phone. "Connie, get me my daughter, will you?" Nina rolls her eyes. Victor asks, "You don't approve of me appointing my own daughter into your role?" "It's not that," Nina says. "It's just that Vikki--she doesn't really have her mind on her work much, she--" Connie buzzes in. "Excuse me, Mr. Newman, but I've reached your daughter. She's with Ryan McNeil and has asked not to be disturbed for a half hour unless it's REALLY urgent." Victor presses the button to speak again and says, "That's ahright, Connie. I've changed my mind. Check down in the mail room, will you? See if we have any recent hires waiting to move up." "I was just down there, Mr. Newman," Connie replies. "There is one young man--a Mr. Alec Maretti." "Excellent," Victor says. "Have him promoted to President of Brash and Sassy. Have memos distributed to the staff." "Yes, sir," she says.

"Cassie! Cassie??" Sharon yells. There is a knock on the door. It's Grace. "I'm here for Cassie." "Well, Grace, you'll just have to wait because I can't find her." "Can't find her? Or don't want to? I'm warning you, Sharon, you're really pushing the line," Grace says as she barges into Sharon's house and starts looking around. Just then, Doris Collins enters, pushed by Miguel. "I came as soon as I could, girl," she says to Sharon. "Mom," Sharon says with an air of frustration, "now's not the best time for a visit." "I know," says Doris, "that's why I came!" Sharon stops and looks at her. "You knew it was a bad time?" "Well, of course--everyone in Genoa City does. Little Cassie's been kidnapped. I saw it happen on the Sharon and Grace show on television..." "Kidnapped? Television?" Grace asks finally. "It's a long story if you haven't been watching it from the beginning," Doris explains. "Watching what?" Sharon says. "The Sharon and Grace show on the Genoa City cable access channel," Doris explains. "We have it always tuned in at Collins & Sons as a courtesy to clients waiting in line. So I saw the whole kidnapping. Almost missed it though--you two and the kidnapper look so much alike with your shoulder-length blonde hair." "I can't help it, Mom. It's the style. It's very in," Sharon protests. "Well, what are we going to do? My daughter has been kidnapped," Grace asks anxiously. "MY daughter," Sharon corrects her. Miguel says, "I took the liberty of calling 9-1-1. The police will be here soon--perhaps they can help."

In Madison, a S.W.A.T. team surrounds Millie's house and tells them to hand over the child or prepare to be fired upon. Cassie and Alice come out onto the porch. "Don't shoot," says Alice. "I'm Cassie's mother!" "You're not her mother," yells Grace from the crowd outside. "I am!" "No, I am!" Sharon says. Carl Williams scowls at them. "Could you hold it down for a minute?" he asks with no small amount of irritation. "Is there anyone left in the house?" Carl asks through the megaphone. "Sort of," says Cassie. "Either they are or they're not," Carl says defiantly. "Which is it?" "Well," explains Cassie, "Millie's still inside, but you scared her to death with all the noise and threats of firing on us. She was pretty old, and you shouldn't have made so much noise." Carl shuts off the microphone on his megaphone and says a quiet "oops". Then he waves the team in to move in and rescue the girl...

Back in Genoa City, at the police station, Cassie and Doris Collins are in an observation room with Carl and Mary Williams. Sharon, Grace, and Alice are part of a line-up that can be seen through the window. As the scene progresses, Mary Williams goes around the room with a basket, serving everyone sandwiches. "Now," Carl explains, "these women have each been accused of various things, including kidnapping you and also being your real mother. It's going to be your job to sort it all out, Cassie. Do you understand? Do you need me to explain it to you in more detail?" Cassie looks perplexed. "Well, procedurally, it's a bit irregular," Cassie says. "You seem to be asking me to perform both the fact-finding and guilt-determination role of the jury, and the sentencing role of the judge. I'm not sure that's entirely legal, but I'm willing to suspend my disbelief since you're apparently exercising a liberal amount of dramatic license here in order to wrap this matter up with some expedience. Anyway, yes, I think I understand what you're asking of me, Chief Williams. I appreciate your faith in me. I'll try to discharge my responsibilities with honor and dignity." She paces back and forth for a moment. Then she comes to Doris. "Mrs. Collins, could I speak with Cindy, please?" Doris reaches into a bag and pull out Cassie's doll, dressed impeccably in a business suit. Cassie takes Cindy to the window and faces her at the three maternal wannabes. She whispers something to Cindy. Then she twists Cindy toward her and moves her up and down as if to make her nod.

Victoria is walking down the hall and happens to see a sign on a door that reads `Alec Maretti, President, Brash and Sassy'. She stops and peeks in. "You? What are you doing here? I thought I sent you to the mail room!" she says. He smiles. "You did. But you know what they say--you can't keep a good man down. Almost as soon as I started there, this presidential opening came up and--well, I didn't want to disappoint your father. He apparently owns the place, you know." Victoria scowls. "Yeah, I know." "Anyway," says Alec, "It's good you stopped by--I'd like you to take a memo." "Memo? I'm not a secretary--I thought I'd made that clear before." "Yeah, you made that clear, too. But if you can send me to the mail room just because you're miffed at me, I figure two can play at that game. You may not have been a secretary before, but you ARE one now."

"Oh, and another thing," Alec says to Victoria, "that woman you were calling a child--Trisha Dennison?" "Yeah, what about her?" Vikki responds with acid in her voice. "She's the same age as you are." "Are you calling me a child?" she asks, leaning over his desk and menacing her cleavage in his face. "If the dress fits," he says. "Well, this one doesn't, really," Victoria says. "It's getting a little small on me." "Just take a memo," he says. "A memo?" she asks. "To all staff. Regarding dress code..." "You don't approve of my dress, do you?" she asks. He shakes his head. "No, I don't." "Well, then I'll take it off," she says, pulling on her string belt. The dress falls to the floor. "There, that's better," she says. "Is that supposed to impress me?" Alec asks. Victoria is stunned and hurt. "You aren't putty in my fingers?" "No," says Alec, "I'm not. I have a girlfriend." "A girlfriend? Not that little child Trisha?" she asks worriedly. "No," says Megan entering the room behind her, "that little child Trisha's little sister." "Megan!" Alec says excitedly. Victoria slinks out without another word. "I'm so glad you could stop by," he says to Megan. "Me, too!" says Megan looking around the room, obviously impressed. "I got all worried when someone told me you were working in the mail room. But when I went there they said your office was up here. I see someone's got quite a sense of humor around here." "Something like that," Alec says, smiling. "Come on, let me fill you in," he says, locking the door and leading her to the couch... "It's been quite a day, but I think I'm going to like it here."

The three women are filed into the room and made to sit on the far side of a large table. Tony and Nick are present now, too. Cameras from Genoa City cable access train on Cassie as she prepares to offer her verdict. Cassie turns first to Alice. "Alice, you were a bad person. You adopted me illegally and then you abandoned me and then you returned to kidnap me. That's not how a mommy should be. I conclude that you weren't raised very well and need a full-time mommy of your own. I therefore recommend to the court that you be adopted by Mary Williams, whereupon you will submit to intense pressure to have a child of your own so that Mary Williams can finally have a grandchild and so that you can have full-time supervision and lots of free advice about the right way to raise a child." As Alice is hauled out, Mary comes over and kisses Cassie on the forehead. "Bless you, Child," Mary says.

Cassie then turns to Grace. "Grace, you lied to Millie. You told her you were taking me to my real mommy but then you didn't. You never told me the truth and you tricked me into loving you. I don't know WHY you have such a need to pretend you're a Mommy, but my doll Cindy has agreed to be your pretend daughter until such time as you understand the difference between pretend things and reality. When you finally realize that pretending is different, Tony Viscardi has promised to help you work on a real child of your own."

Finally she turns to Sharon and says, "Sharon, you're my real mommy and you're a great mommy and I like having a brother Noah and I'll come with you on one condition," she says. Sharon says, "What's that, sweetie?" "That you promise to always tell Nick and me the truth RIGHT AWAY and not to EVER have secrets that last weeks and weeks and weeks and weeks..." Nick looks at her and says, "Secrets? What secrets? And what's this about Sharon being your mother?" Sharon turns back to Cassie and says, "Ok, Cassie, I'll promise to tell Nick things right away if you'll promise to be understanding when it takes him weeks before he understands them." Cassie looks at Nick's blank face and shakes her head. Then, Cassie says to Sharon, "I guess that's all I can ask, Mommy. Ok, it's a deal!"

That's all for this episode. Hope you learned something. Don't miss Episode 87!
If you missed any older episodes, see the index.

Feedback, good or bad, is always appreciated.