Episode 83, originally published 01-Feb-98

Missing Out

Trisha is at Ryan's desk in his apartment, punching something into a calculator. "What's going on over there?" Ryan asks from behind a report he's reading on a nearby couch. "Don't worry about me, Ryan--just go about your working. Pretend I'm not here." "Well, I'm just curious--you've been clicking away on that calculator for almost an hour now--what's the fascination with it?" She smiles enigmatically. "It's just--just a little project I'm working on. I'm almost.... There! I think I've finished." Ryan sits up and drops the report in his lap. "So what's the verdict? Did you prove some long-forgotten mathematical conjecture?" She stares back at him as if he wasn't speaking English and waits for him to rephrase. He says, "Uh, nevermind. What is it? What did you figure out?"

Trisha hesitates for a moment more. Then finally she says, "Ryan, do you remember recently you had to go to that party for your ex-wife's birthday and promotion?" Ryan nods. "Of course. That was just a couple days ago." "Well, I was thinking." She pauses as if to prepare him. "She's not the same ex-wife as Nina." "No, that's right," Ryan says. "She's not." "That means you've had TWO ex-wives," Trisha says with an air of strong confidence, tapping the calculator with her fingernail as if prepared to back up her findings with hard proof if he balks. To her surprise, he says simply, "That's right." "Well, Ryan, that will make me wife number 3. I don't WANT to be wife number 3." She bursts into tears. He gets up and comes and puts his arms around her. "It's ok, Trisha. Really. No one's going to MAKE you be wife number 3." She looks up, surprised but eager to understand. "Really?" "Of course, not. If you don't want to be wife number 3, you won't have to be. It'll be all up to you." Through her tears, a laugh forms as she thinks she realizes how silly she's been. "I'm sorry, Ryan. I shoul'n't have doubted you. I guess it was silly of me to--" "Hey," he says, "it's ok..."

Late the next afternoon, Trisha is back home studying when Jill comes in. "Trisha, I've been meaning to talk to you," Jill says. "Jill, I hope you're not going to grill me about Ryan again because I--" Jill cuts her off. "Whoooaah, just hold your horses, Trisha. I'm sorry if I'm coming across that way--I've been trying to make you feel like it's your decision. And I'm not going to try to tell you what to do. It's just..." "Just what, Jill?" "Well, I was thinking about something today and I wondered if you'd really... given it as much thought as you should." "Come on, Jill. Just spit it out. I have homework to do," Trisha says impatiently. "Ok, well, it's just that Ryan has been married twice and--" Trisha is relieved that she took the hour out the previous night to compute this and breaks in proudly, "Don't you think I know that?" "Well, that will make you wife number three..." Trisha shakes her head. "Not necessarily." "Well, what do you mean `not necessarily'?" Jill asks, ever uncertain of what Trisha's tiny little brain could mean by such a remark. "Ryan said I don't have to be. He said I could decide for myself what wife number I wanted to be. Isn't that sweet?" "He said that?" "Just last night." "What were his exact words?" "Well, I don't remember exactly, but I told him I di'n't want to be wife number 3 and he said when the time came, I could decide not to be." Jill starts opening drawers and then shutting them as if searching for something. When she kneels to look under the couch, Trisha asks, "What are you looking for Jill?" "Your BRAIN," Jill says. "Why?" "Because you've obviously lost it," Jill says. Trisha just stares, so Jill continues: "I don't think that's what Ryan meant--that you could choose what wife number you would be. He was telling you could choose not to be a wife at all if you didn't like being wife number three!" "Oh, no, Jill, he coul'n't have meant that!" "Why not?" "Well, he knows we ARE going to be married and live together forever and ever. So what would it mean to have a choice? He knows the answer. Why would he say that, Jill?" Jill shakes her head. "You know what, Trisha. I shouldn't have mentioned it. Forget I said anything, ok?" "Forget what, Jill? I didn't understand what you said." "Exactly," says Jill, shaking her head as she walks out. "Huh," Trisha mutters, "I wonder what's gotten into her..."

The following afternoon, Trisha enters into Megan's room saying "Megan? Do you remember that old scarf I used to wear when I--" She stops as she realizes Megan is not there. Then she shrugs and says, "Well, I'll find it..." She hunts around obvious places in drawers in the room and then goes into the luxurious walk-in closet at the far end of the room. As she pokes around in some boxes, she hears Megan and Alec come in, but before she can finish with what she's stooped over to look at, she hears the door slam closed and Alec saying "Alone at last!" Trisha peers just enough around the corner to see her sister reach her arms up and pull Alec on top of her onto the bed. Her eyes widen and she withdraws behind some lacey hanging garments so that she can see most of the action but they cannot see her.

"Are you sure it's ok?" Alec asks. Megan says, "Don't worry, Jill and my dad are tied up at work for some important meeting all day. They won't be home until late." "And Trisha?" "Well, I don't know where she is right now--probably out fawning over Ryan--but she's cool. If she comes back, she won't say anything." Trisha smiles at her sister's confidence in her and continues to watch. Her look switches from amusement to shock, though, as Megan opens a bedside drawer and pulls out a pack of condoms. Shaking it, one last condom tumbles out and they both breathe a sigh of relief. "Wow, that pack went even faster than the previous pack," Alec says. "We'd better start buying them by the gross," Megan giggles. Trisha whispers for the benefit of the camera, but not loud enough for them to hear, "I can't believe my li'l sister lost her virginity and never told me!"

Megan and Alec are soon in the heat of things. Megan is almost screaming now. "Oh, no, I think I'm going to die!" she says, and then she moans some more, but things continue. Finally they both collapse next to each other. Trisha whispers, "Poor Megan..."

Alec is up and putting back on his clothes. "Must you go?" Megan asks. "Yeah, I've got homework to do--can't neglect that. But will I see you at Crimson Lights later?" She nods. "Count on it!" He kisses her on the forehead and exits. Megan collapses back on the bed for a moment and then gets up to find some fresh clothes in the closet. Suddenly she sees Trisha move and gives a yelp, but Trisha anticipates the problem and puts her hand over Megan's mouth. "Shhhh! It's just me," she says. "Trisha! What are you doing there? Were you spying!!??" "I wasn't spying--I was just in here looking for a scarf of mine when--well, suddenly the way out was blocked by heavy activity. Megan, you never told me..." Megan blushes. "I'd been meaning to. It just happened, and then..." "And then again and again!" Trisha says with a knowing smile. "How many times, Megan?" Megan tries to count but stops mid-way. "I've lost count." "Wow! That's too bad..." "Too bad?" "Well, I mean--nothing personal--it's just too bad it coul'n't be like me and Ryan." "Oh really? How is he different?" "Well, Ryan's like the best lovemaker in the whole world. Like at the end there--where you were screaming and saying how you wanted to die? Ryan didn't do any of that to me. He was so gentle--I didn't have to scream or anything. And I didn't want to die--or even for it to stop--if anything, I just wish it lasted longer. But at least I wasn't screaming in pain for a half an hour..."

"Pain?" Megan asks Trisha, "is that what you thought it was?" "Well, yeah--wasn't it? You kept saying things that sounded like you were in pain. And you were scratching and clawing." "That's how sex is, Trisha." "Not with me and Ryan--there was none of that. It was REALLY good. I didn't have any reason to scratch or hurt him." Megan says, "You're saying you didn't get an orgasm?" "A what?" "The Big O? A rush of--oh, nevermind. You didn't have one. Oh, Trisha, I wish Mom WERE here so she could set you straight about how this is supposed to work." "You mean I'm supposed to be in pain?" Megan giggles. "Not exactly, but... you're supposed to behave like you are." "Really?" "Uh,huh. Kind of. It's a bit hard to explain." "Well," says Trisha, "you'll have to do it another time, because I have to run. I'm meeting Ryan for dinner. But we'll talk again soon, ok?" Megan nods. "Ok." "Promise?" Trisha says. Megan nods. "Promise." "Cross your heart and--" Megan stops her. "Don't you have to be meeting Ryan?" "Oh," she says. "Right. Ok. Bye..." She runs out. Then she runs back in and grabs a scarf from the floor. "Almost forgot what I came for !" she says apologetically, and runs back out. "I could NEVER forget what I came for," Megan says with a starry-eyed look to no one in particular after Trisha exits....

Back at Ryan's apartment, Trisha is with Ryan in bed. "So you're sure Neil won't be home to interrupt us?" she asks. "I'm sure," he explains. "Neil had to go out of town on a business trip. It's just you and me." He leans toward her and they kiss. There is a frenzy of clothes removal until Trisha breaks things up by saying "Ryan--what about protection?" "Already taken care of," he says. "Didn't you see?" "I don't like to look," she says. "Well, everything's all set." He moves toward her again and there is more motion beneath the sheets. Then suddenly Trisha screams, "Ouch! Ryan, you're hurting me." And then she screams a piercing scream. Ryan stops and looks at her. "WHAT was that?" he asks--I haven't been anywhere close to you yet. "Oh, she says. Am I supposed to wait until--sorry. I'm not very good at this, I guess." "Good at WHAT?" "My sister told me it was better if I screamed in pain, so I wanted to try." "No, I don't think that's a good idea." "No? Why?" "Another scream like that and the police are going to arrive on the scene. Don't scream unless you're hurt, ok?" "Ok, Ryan. But I think we'll be missing out on the real fun of it...." Ryan sighs and says, "Under the circumstances, Trisha, that may be unavoidable." She doesn't understand the remark. But she smiles anyway and says, "Oh, ok. Then I guess we shoul'n't worry about it."

"I'm happy the way things are, Ryan, really," Trisha goes on. "You are SUCH a good lover--so kind and gen'le--you give me no reason at all to scream and stuff, the way my sister does when she has sex." "Your sister? Really?" "Yeah, it's pretty embarrassing, really. I accidentally ended up seeing part of it. It was awful--she was moaning and screaming out. Ihhh." She stops and shudders. "Ryan? Ryan?? ... What's the matter. You seem to have lost interest there...were you thinking about my sister?" Ryan stares at her. "Uh, something like that... I really don't give you any reason to scream out?" "No, Ryan, none at all. Isn't that wonderful..? And we have our whole lives ahead of us, too." "Oh, yeah," says Ryan, distracted. "Great," he adds with almost no emotion. "How old is your sister anyway?" "Seventeen, I think. She'll be eighteen soon, though. Isn't it awful, though--starting out life with sex ruined that way? She'll probably never enjoy it. She needs a man like you to set her straight!" Ryan smiles quietly. "BUT she can't have you," Trisha says quickly, "because you're mine mine mine forever and ever and ever... and if you EVER went to another woman, I'd get out my knife and I'd CUT off your--" She removes her little finger from her mouth just long enough to make a smooth little curved slicing motion with her little finger in the air. Then she stops, realizing she's gotten carried away. Ryan is somewhat dazed. He mouths the word "cut" and looks very confused. In the moment it takes her to compose herself, we see flashes in his mind of a hideously dressed Trisha in a uniform of some kind, with a big ring of keys, laughing at him through the bars of a jail cell, and we see Megan dressed as a temptress, beckoning to him from just beyond his grasp. He is broken out of it by Trisha's words again. "Well,... nevermind 'cuz that's just not gonna happen, is it Ryan? We love each other and that's final. Oh, let's just make love NOW Ryan, ok? I'm so sorry I brought up my dysfunctional sister in the first place. It obviously made you very sad. Ryan? Ryan??"

That's all for this episode. Hope you learned something. Don't miss Episode 84!
If you missed any older episodes, see the index.

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