Episode 76, originally published 07-Dec-97

Blowing Smoke

Jill is with Trisha at the Dennison household, giving standard lecture #3 yet again. "When you went to see Nina about the divorce--what were you thinking?" she asks. Trisha is a pile of tears, as usual. But this time she opens a small briefcase. Inside is a portable brain monitor. She attaches the leads to her forehead, being careful not to muss her hair, and then flips on the machine. There are flat lines only. "There!" Trisha says to Jill. "I have no brain. I was not thinking. Are you satisfied?" Trisha screams. Jill suddenly understands. "Oh, Trisha, darling. I didn't realize the depth of the problem. I'm so sorry..." But it's too late. Trisha has torn the leads from her forehead, and is now rushing up the stairs. Jill sits, frustrated.

The courtroom is assembled. Brian Hamilton takes the stand for the first time. As he does, his wife enters and sits behind Phyllis. "I'm so glad you could come," Phyllis whispers to Mrs. Hamilton. "I'm sure Brian is anxious to head off on vacation with you just as soon as his testimony is complete here." She rubs two first class plane tickets together. In huge block letters on the outside of the tickets reads the word TAHITI, plenty large enough for Brian to read. Brian eyes his wife worriedly as Cricket finishes the introductory niceties and dives into her questioning. "So, Mr. Hamilton, I'll get straight to the point. Did there come a day recently when you came to Genoa City to visit the respondent?" "I did," he says nervously. "And what was that about?" "She's a travel agent. She was arranging a trip for me and my wife--I was just checking on the details. I had come to inspect the facilities." "A travel agent? Is that what she told you?" Cricket says with surprise. Phyllis stands and says, "I work a part-time job as a travel agent to make some extra money in my free time, Your Honor. I can offer computer records to corroborate." Michael waits for her to finish her irregular speech, and then pulls her back... after the damage to Cricket's case has been done.

Trisha shows up at her father's office carrying a duffle bag. "Dad, I know what you're going to think, but I've made up my mind. I'm going to be with Ryan." Keith says, "Young lady, you're making a bad decision hanging out with that punk, and you know I can't approve of it." "That's why I'm moving out, Daddy. I can't live with your rules, so it seems only fair that I be on my own." Keith sighs. "All right, if that's what you want. I understand. I'll take the credit cards, too." "Daddy! Fair is fair, but the cards have my name on them, not yours. I'm the only one who can legally use them--they won't do you any good." "I don't plan to use them." "Good, then I'll keep them because I have a use for them," she says. She turns in a huff and walks out, probably feeling she's won the battle.

Cricket continues, "And you came to Genoa City because...?" "I had long ago donated sperm to a sperm bank--before I met my present wife. I was told that blood was needed for a young baby I had helped to father--I was on my way to Genoa City Memorial after I checked out the vacation suite for me and my lovely wife. But time was running short and Mrs. Romalotti offered to take the blood to the hospital for me." "Your honor!" Cricket says. The judge looks at her skeptically. "You're questioning your own witness?" "No, but judge, that's not what happened." "Please confine yourself to questioning this witness while he is on the stand--if you want to call yourself later to impeach his testimony... well, I admit that would be unusual but I'll give you the latitude." Cricket scowls and goes on, "So, Mr. Hamilton, how do you explain the presence of tranquilizers in your blood?" He chuckles. "Sorry about that--I've got a real fear of flying." "Then what about the pills Phyllis got from Dr. Reid?" Cricket asks. "I don't know," says Brian. "Maybe she has a fear of flying, too."

Trisha rings the doorbell at Ryan's new apartment. Ryan opens the door to greet her. "Trisha!" He kisses her deeply. "Can I come in? I have wonderful news," she says. "Sure, sure. I could really use some good news about now--my spirits have been really low," he says. "Well, this is sure to pick you up. Ryan, I've moved out of my home!" "Wow," says Ryan, "that's really great. I've been really feeling like your living at home has been an impediment to our getting to know each other. Now we can go on dates and behave like normal people. Where are you living? Can I come see it?" "Where am I living?" Trisha repeats, puzzled. "Ryan, I'm living here." "Here?" "Yes, why would I move out if I wasn't going to be living with you?" "But you can't live here, Trisha. I already have a roommate." Neil enters through the front door. "Trisha, this is my new roommate Neil." She smiles involuntarily. "Hi." "Neil, this is Trisha," Ryan goes on. Neil nods. "Look, Ry, you look like you're busy--so I'll just be in my room, ok?" He slinks out quickly. Trisha stares at Neil's door. "You have a roommate? A man? Ryan, are you telling me you're gay?" "No, Trisha, no--we're just friends." "Friends? As in pals? Like you and me? When we were just pals, that was code. Is this some sort of code, Ryan?" "No, Trisha, Neil and I--we're just--he's my boss at Jabot." "Oh, so it's one of those sexual harassment things. You want to say no, but he won't let you?" "No, Trisha, I don't want to say no--I mean--look, I have to get some air. I'll be back later," Ryan says as he storms out.

Diane is in her office working. Victor enters. "Victor!" she says, surprised to see him. "Hello," he replies with his usual patented mix of condescension, cordiality, and distance unbefitting a married couple. "What brings you by?" she asks, knowing there is always a reason. "Well, I was just wondering if you wanted to join me in a drive over to the ranch--so that I could visit my children." "Your children," Diane repeats without intonation. "Yes, my children--you know how important children are to me. They are a very special bond for which there can be no substitute..." "Yes, so you've said," Diane replies coldly, wondering if he has even a hint of understanding about the impact his words are having. She looks around her desktop, then adds, "Victor, I can't right now--I've got too much work to do tonight." He shakes his head and says, "Well, you know, I anticipated that this would be your problem so I had that fixed on the way over." Diane is confused. "I don't understand," she says.

Cricket stares at Brian. "So you're saying this visit was all on the up and up?" "Yes," he replies. "Your honor!!!" Cricket whines. "You'd prefer your witness say he's being sneaky somehow, or that he has previously lied?" the judge asks, puzzled. "No, your honor, but... this isn't fair. The evidence is fitting together TOO well--don't you see? All this does is support opposing counsel's case. And he's MY witness." Patrick Baker stands and addresses the court. "Your honor, for once we agree--it does support our case. We move that the court should take this rare opportunity of agreement to summarily rule in our favor." "An excellent point, Counsellor," says the judge. "And I agree completely. This case is going nowhere fast and I can't see much hope of it repairing itself. I hereby rule in favor of Mrs. Romalotti." He bangs his gavel and calls the next case.

"These are the plans for Newman Towers, are they not?" Victor asks Diane. She nods. "Of course they are, Victor. It's all I've been working on for months." "Exactly," says Victor. "And I don't think that's fair, do you?" "So you've moved back the construction deadline?" she asks. "Better than that," he says with a broadening smile. "I've cancelled the project altogether." "You what?" Diane asks. "Well, I know how you've been working and working on this project and I just don't like it. I don't want my wife to have to worry about such things. So I've cancelled the Towers. I never really needed them anyway, and I can always get someone else to design them for me if I do need them. But you are my wife--you should be free and clear so that we may go wherever we want, whenever we want." "But Victor, I--" "Uh uh!" he says, "no argument. It is done. Now--seeing that you're no longer tied up--why don't you come with me and we'll go visit my children? Hmm?"

Left all alone by Ryan, Trisha has reverted to her natural half-liquid state: a woman in a large puddle of tears. Neil enters from the bedroom. "Oh, sorry, I heard the front door. I didn't think anyone was still here." Trisha looks up. "It's ok," she says. "Anything you want to talk about?" Neil says. "I'm a good listener." "Oh, it's nothing. I just love Ryan so much--I don't understand why he wouldn't want me to move in with him. I asked him before and he said no. And now he's got you--uh, sorry, I di'n't mean it like that." "It's ok. I understand," Neil says. She goes on. "All I want is for us to be happy. Is that too much to ask? I just want to get married, to have his children, to be there every day with newspaper and slippers for him when he gets home, to listen to him tell me how his day was, to cheer him up when he's down, to cheer for him when he's up, ... is that too much to ask?" Neil stares, stunned.

"Uh, no," says Neil, recovering his composure. "No, that's not too much to ask. But don't you have any career aspirations?" She shakes her head. "None at all. I just want to make babies and make my husband happy. I mean, well, being barefoot and pregnant is a kind of career, I think. I just think men should be men and women should be women, you know? ... Hmmm ... Do you think maybe Ryan's frightened by that? By a woman who knows so clearly what she wants?" Neil continues to stare. "Will you marry me?" he mumbles, quietly and almost involuntarily. We in the audience hear it clearly, but it goes past Trisha. "What was that?" she says. "Uh, I was saying that's very nice. Hey, maybe we could go have a drink. Get to know one another. I mean, if we are going to be roommates..." Trisha says, "But Ryan says he won't let me move in with him because you're there." "Well, then you and I will get a place elsewhere," he says. Trisha brightens. "Wow, that would solve everything!" she says. She throws her arms around Neil and they kiss.

Diane is seriously bent out of shape about Victor's recent move, but once again her face doesn't show it. Instead, she calmly replies, "Victor, I have an idea--since we're so free to do anything we want, why don't we go home right now and make love until we drop, and then visit your children at the ranch tomorrow?" He smiles. "Tomorrow hmm?" He muses the idea to himself. "Ahright, Mrs. Newman, you have got yourself a deal." She smiles and they leave together.

Later in evening, presumably after much lovemaking, Victor has finally fallen asleep. Diane however, being younger, still has her strength. She tucks him in and slips out of the house quietly.

In the morning, Diane has snapped on the TV and tuned to CNN. Suddenly, a reporter says, "In Genoa City, the world's smallest nuclear blast is believed to have occurred last night. The radius of the extremely tactical blast appears to have been confined to half of the household here at the Newman ranch. Fortunately, no one was injured, but scientists estimate that it will be 4000 years before the radiation has subsided and the Newman living room will be available for receiving friends and family again. In an interview taped earlier, Diane Newman, present wife of Victor Newman, was heard to say:" There's a change of scene and Diane appears with a "Recorded Earlier" plastered across the bottom of the screen. "I'm sure it's a great tragedy for the Newman family, but I'm sure we'll learn to cope. We'll be happy to have the children come visit us at OUR home from now on."

Cut back to an anchor desk where one of the news anchors says, "In a stroke of luck, Nikki Newman Landers, occupant of the main household, was not in her own bed where she usually would be at this hour. Explained Miguel Rodriguez, head servant of the household:" The camera cuts to Miguel, who says, "Mrs. Landers had coincidentally just arrived at my living quarters to complain that her electric blanket had stopped working. I was just about to take Mrs. Landers back upstairs to demonstrate a manual form of heat production when the thermonuclear blast rendered life at that end of the house impossible for the next several millenia." "Asked why they were unaffected by the blast," the anchor said, "Mr. Rodriguez replied:" "Well, it was a very limited blast. And, of course, I've lived through several previous Newman marriages so I new this sort of thing was coming eventually. I long ago had my half of the house structurally hardened just in case." "Damn!" Diane mumbles. "I missed!"

The other anchor shakes his head in amazement as the story wraps up, "Wow! And in an equally amazing story, apparently Dr. Landers and the recently hired `Sarah' were also outside the danger zone when the half-estate was annihilated. Explained the maid:" "I know it was late, but Dr. Landers was just so kind and when he heard I wasn't feeling well he immediately insisted on taking me for a courtesy gynecological exam at his office. If it hadn't been for that man's sweetness and his dedication to his craft, we'd both be nuclear toast at this point."

Victor snaps off the TV. "Well, I'll be damned," he says. Diane pretends she has not been paying attention. "What's that, Victor?" "Apparently Nikki's living room was destroyed by some kind of freak nuclear bomb last night." Diane feigns astonishment. "Oh, Victor--are the children all right?" "The children are fine--the blast apparently only affected the living room and dining room area." Diane sighs with false relief. "Well, is there anything we can do--invite them over to our house for dinner, perhaps?" Victor smiles at her. "My dear Diane, that is an excellent idea. I'm sure the children will be thrilled." "And their mother?" "Well now, beggars cannot be choosers, can they? And I'm sure if our house had been destroyed by nuclear blast, my former wife would be just as happy as you are now to have US over to dinner at their house, don't you think?" Diane sighs. "Yes, Victor. I'm sure of it..." she says, continuing to mourn her bad aim.

That's all for this episode. Hope you learned something. Don't miss Episode 77!
If you missed any older episodes, see the index.

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