Episode 73, originally published 25-Nov-97

Turkey Day

Ryan is in Jill's office. Jill is pacing back and forth. "I can't believe it, Ryan. Have you heard the latest?" "That Mr. Abbott and Mrs. Chancellor are getting married? What's wrong with that?" "What do you mean `What's wrong with that?' Are you blind, Ryan? The age difference for one. John's barely able to keep up with little Billy as it is--he needs someone YOUNGER than him to help him out. Katherine's old enough to be--well, not just his but anyone's grandmother." "But she's got help. There's Esther--" "Oh sure, Esther. Just goes to prove my point--Katherine's RICH enough to hire anyone she needs but who does she hire? The one woman on the planet whose IQ can triple every day without ever risking growing any larger." "So who would you put with John Abbott--you sound an awful lot like it's sour grapes." "No, Ryan, it is NOT sour grapes. I'm just worried I'll never see Billy again..." Ryan nods. "I know what you mean." Jill looks at him, suddenly remembering his loss.

Nikki is with Joshua at the Newman Ranch. "You know, Joshua, I've been thinking, maybe we should move our Thanksgiving celebration to Friday." "Friday? But isn't Thursday the traditional day? And I thought we already sent out invitations." "Well, we can just send out unvitations. The thing is, Victor can't make it until Friday and--" "--and you don't want to feed him leftover turkey." "Well, let's just say I like it better when the whole family is coordinated on when we're going to eat." "But what will we do on Thursday?" She smiles. "Oh, I'm sure I can find you something to eat that will keep you satisfied..." "Ok, ok..." he says. "Really? You agree to move the event?" "Would it make any difference if I didn't? You've already made up your mind, haven't you?" "Well, I just think ..." "... that it would be better this way, right?" "Exactly." "It sounds fine, Nikki. Really. Besides, this way, I think I could get into some of the planning of the menu." "Oh, well, Miguel's probably got that all planned--it's just a matter of rolling it out on a different day." "No, I meant the menu for THURSDAY." "Oh. OH... Why Doctor, this may be the start of a wonderful new holiday tradition... Remind me to thank Diane." "Diane? I thought this change of schedule was Victor's idea." Nikki shakes her head, amazed. "You know, even with a college degree, you men can be so dumb sometimes..."

Jill asks Ryan, "So what will you be doing for Thanksgiving?" "I haven't decided yet. I told Trisha I needed to be alone... You? I assume you're having dinner with Keith?" "No, Keith's been mysteriously missing these last few weeks. I don't know where he's gone. And the kids don't want to have me around if he's not there. Katherine invited me to her house on Friday..." "Friday?" "It's a long story--something to do with Victor and Diane. But anyway, everyone in Genoa City seems to be doing Thanksgiving on Friday this year. Plus John and Katherine seem intent on tying the knot. To tell the truth, I'm just not sure I'm up to it." "Well, maybe we should have dinner together," Ryan suggests. "We? You and I?" she asks. He says, "Sure, why not. You and I used to have dinner together once in a while. You even used to enjoy it as I recall." She thinks a moment more about where Keith has gone and then lets go of him. "Sure, why not, Ryan? You've got a date."

Jack knocks on the door of the Newman Ranch. He carries a bouquet of fall-colored flowers. Inside, we see the couches have been pushed out of the way and there's a heap of covers on the living room floor. Nikki's head peeks out and she stands, pulling a blanket around her. "I'll get it, Miguel," she says, as if it weren't obvious that Miguel had already been instructed to stay clear of whatever was going on in the living room. "Jack!" Nikki says, opening the door, the blanket wrapped around her. "Well, hallelujah!" Jack says. "Huh?" Nikki says, confused. "Looks like Victor finally went bankrupt and stole the shirt off your back." She frowns playfully at him. "Jack! Even if it were true, I have a new husband now. I'm not dependent on Victor any more." "Oh, right. Sorry, the way he meddles with all of our lives, I sometimes forget." "So Jack, what brings you by? Didn't you get an unvitation?" "Unvitation? What's that? I didn't even get an INvitation." "Oh--that's right. Well, you said you couldn't come. So I guess you don't know the big event has been moved until tomorrow." "Tomorrow? Then what's going on today?" He glances down at her almost-clothing. She giggles. "Oh, I get it. Never mind. Forget I--uh,..."

Kurt knocks on the door at the Chancellor estate. Esther opens the door. "Kurt! I mean, Dr. Costner! We weren't expecting you... were we?" she says uncertainly. "No, Esther, I suppose you weren't expecting me. And please, it's Kurt." Katherine comes up to the door and says, "Esther, the man practically lives here, for God's sake--let him in." "Well, I didn't want to be presumptuous, Katherine, it has been a while," says Kurt apologetically. "It has indeed," says Katherine, "but don't just stand there in the doorway. Please, come in, come in." She looks to Esther. "Esther, don't just stand there--he's probably exhausted after walking all the way from the airport." Esther's eyes widen. "You didn't come in a cab?" "No, Esther. It's not my style," he says. Katherine glares at Esther. "Esther, a drink, please." "Right away, Mrs. A--uh, Mrs. C--sorry, I was practicing and it slipped." She rushes out.

"It's ok, Jack," Nikki volunteers. "I should have told you about the cancellation. But as long as you're here, why don't you come in? I'm sure Miguel can fix you up a peanut butter sandwich or something." "A peanut butter sandwich? For Thanksgiving?" "Well, it'll give you reason to be grateful tomorrow." "Tomorrow? It took me enough work to talk myself into stopping by today--I don't know if I'll be able do it again tomorrow. But I do have something to be thankful for today." "What's that?" "That the mustache isn't here. He isn't, is he?" "No, Jack. That's the reason for the postponement. He wanted to spend the day with--" Jack's face falls. Nikki is instantly apologetic. "Oh, I'm sorry." "Don't be, Nik. It's not your fault. I'm sure you did everything in your power to have him out here today. Anyway, the Great Man's not here and the peanut butter sandwiches are flowing--I say it sounds like time for giving thanks." Joshua appears at the door, wearing a more conventional robe. "I overheard part of that," Joshua says. "I agree completely--a day without Victor is a day worth celebrating, Jack. Come on in." Nikki looks at Joshua, surprised, then back at Jack, trying to assess their seriousness. "That's my husband," she says finally. "Always joshing."

Kurt looks to Katherine with a curious smile. "Esther called you `Mrs. A'? As in `Abbott'?" Katherine nods. "Yes, Kurt, if you've realized your error in chasing after those younger women and have finally come back to sweep me off my feet, I'm afraid you're too late." "So you're married?" "Well, very close. We're celebrating Thanksgiving tomorrow, and John Abbott and I will be wed immediately after the meal." Kurt hugs her. "Well, if you're really sure you want him and not me, then who am I to stand in the way?" Esther enters with a drink for Kurt, then stands waiting. "Speaking of standing in the way," she says in the vain hope that Esther will take the hint. She doesn't. "You are dismissed, Esther. That will be all." "Oh, it's ok. I don't mind staying," Esther says. Katherine changes tactics. "That will be all, Esther. Please take the rest of the day off if you like. I won't have any further need for you around here this afternoon." "Are you sure, ma'am?" Katherine locks eyes with her. "Yes, Esther. I am SURE. Confine yourself to the kitchen area until the meal is ready tomorrow." Esther nods sadly. "Yes, ma'am..." She slinks out.

Kurt and Katherine go back to looking at each other. "So, John and you..." he says. Katherine smiles. "Well, no doubt he won't measure up to your--uh,--shall we say 'skill'. But he IS dependable." "Oh, dependable. That's almost as good as being in love with the man." "And he did compliment me on my recent facial." "Dependable AND complimentary. Be still my beating heart," Kurt mocks. Katherine laughs. "Well, the man is a bit on the dull side, I have to admit. But my hope is that he can grow into the role of my social partner." "Katherine, if anyone can help him do that, I'm sure it will be you." "You really think so?" Katherine says, genuinely happy for the praise. "I know so. Katherine, to tell the truth, the reason I took off with those women before was that I wasn't sure if I was ready for--" "A relationship with an old lady?" Kate asks. "A relationship with such a complex and powerful person," he corrects her. Katherine nods with understanding and a bit of embarrassment. "Why Kurt, what a sweet thing to say. How could I help but forgive you?"

It's Friday. Sarah is with Miguel in the Newman kitchen. In the background is an enormous loading dock where people are unloading huge quantities of food. "Isn't this an awful lot of food for this small a number of people? One could feed a small country with this much food," Sarah observes. "Often we do," Miguel says. He points to several large trailer trucks waiting farther in the distance. "At the end of the evening, the leftovers from this will be rushed to Genoa City International airport, where Mr. Newman's pilot Wally will fly them to needy people all over the world." "Wow! This Mr. Newman is awfully generous," Sarah says. "Oh, Mr. Newman has nothing to do with it," Miguel explains. "It was my idea. I observed that Mr. Newman is always tied up at the ranch here at Thanksgiving, so Wally always has a few days free." "But isn't it expensive?" "Compared to the budget for ranch food? Not really. As head of household services here at the Newman ranch, I have considerable signing authority."

Ashley is driving John to Katherine's for the wedding. "I know you wish you could have spent the day with Cole," says John, "but I really appreciate that you chose to spend Thanksgiving Friday with the old guy." "Oh, Daddy!" says Ashley. "You're getting married. Of course I'd want to be here with you! ... Not to mention the small fact that Cole's wife is back in town and he has pneumonia. So this did seem like the more appropriate option. Besides, if I hadn't come, who would have watched over you to make sure you relax for a while. Look how early you're having us arrive--I'm just sure they're not expecting us yet." "Well, my pretty, I just wanted to be there to help Katherine out in greeting guests, that sort of thing." Ashley shakes her head. "Dad, I'm going to take care of anything that sounds like work. Your ONLY role today is to relax, eat, and get married. Is that understood?" John laughs and shakes his head. "Ok, ok. I should have known this would happen." The car pulls into the Chancellor driveway.

Sarah is pondering a small bowl of asparagus. "Miguel?" He comes to see what she is looking at. "Yes, Sarah?" he asks, waiting for her to ask the obvious question. "With all this food, why is there only half a bowl of asparagus?" "Well, no one who's been invited likes asparagus--just Nikki. Experience shows that if I put out a whole dish, she badgers everyone at the table incessantly about why she's the only one eating it. So at the request of numerous household members, I now put out the dish nearly empty, at the other end of the table from Nikki. And by the time it reaches her, she assumes it's empty because people have been helping themselves." Sarah smiles a private smile. "Just Nikki? You're sure?" Miguel looks at her with a look that almost betrays disappointment. "Will Nikki and Victor get back together?" She blinks. "Huh?" "Oh, sorry--just an inside joke around here. Of course I'm sure." Sarah gets it all of a sudden. She laughs meekly from embarrassment.

Esther comes to the door and greets the early arrivals. "Mr. A!" she says, ignoring Ashley for the moment. "Hello, Esther. I know we're early, we just came by to help with the preparations." Esther smiles. "Well that's great because there's a ton of work to be done, and--" Ashley stops her before she assigns John a long list of kitchen tasks. "And my father won't be doing any of it," says Ash, "but I will. So maybe you could show John to the living room and..." Esther blushes. "Oh, of course." The three go toward the Living Room and there is a sudden shriek from Esther as she sees Kurt and Katherine, covered only by a blanket, but quite clearly curled into each others' nude arms. "Ohmygod!" Ashley says in one quick, quiet gasp. John just stands there and gets redder and redder until he collapses onto the floor.

Kurt and Katherine awaken with Esther's shriek to see the interlopers. "Uh oh," says Kurt, "looks like we overslept." Katherine sees John fall to the ground and says, "John, dear! This isn't entirely what what it appears to be...." Esther says to Katherine, "I don't think he can hear you, Mrs. C. I read a poll in the Global Inquisitor that when people are having a heart attack, they're 87% more likely to commit social errors than--" Kurt, fortunately wearing his boxers, is up from the couch. As he moves, he raises his hand to Esther indicating his desire for her to desist, and she complies. He listens to John's chest and pounds it a few times. Then he applies mouth to mouth. Eventually, he sits back up and Ashley asks, "Is my father ok?" "He's going to be fine," Kurt says. Everyone breathes a sigh of relief.

In the Newman dining room, the entire Newman family is carefully arranged around the Newman table. Victor and Nikki sit at long ends of the table, with their spouses at their sides. Nick, Sharon, Tony, Grace, Cassie, and Victoria form a neutral buffer zone between. (Cole is presumably still sick with pneumonia.) Dishes of yummy looking food are being passed around and everyone tries to behave as if this were a day of peace and happiness where all evils are put aside. Miguel and Sarah run various dishes back and forth to the kitchen, and circle filling glasses with liquor, sparkling water, and other favorites. Amidst the chit chat, we hear Diane say "Oh, look at this, asparagus! I haven't had this in years." She dishes some out to herself and passes it along. We see various family members turn up their noses at it. It stops with Nikki, who empties the bowl. "Well, it seems that we do have something in common after all," Nikki says, noticing that only Diane has partaken. "So it seems," Diane says with a tone of forced civility. Both women go back to eating. Victor raises his glass. "I would like to propose a toast," he says. Everyone looks to him. "To family. May there always be enough of whatever is deserved to go around." There are muffled "hear, hear"'s from around the table and there is much clinking of glasses. Then, suddenly, Nikki, Diane, and Nick slump forward into their respective piles of mashed potatoes, causing screams and commotion from all around.

There is silence in the Chancellor living room for a short while, but Esther finally breaks it, "Gee, Mr. Costner, it sure was a lucky thing you were here with Mrs. C.--who knows what would have happened if you weren't." Ashley rolls her eyes and says, "Yeah, who knows--maybe my father and Katherine would have gotten married." Esther gasps.. "You mean they aren't? But all the plans are made and the minister--" Katherine stops her. "Esther, do I smell the other turkey burning?" Esther sniffs the air, then she stops to puzzle. "The other turkey?" Katherine says, "Later, Esther. Attend to the burning turkey first. Ask stupid questions later, ok?" Esther nods, only slightly disappointed. "Yes, ma'am," she says as she rushes out. John, miraculously recovered thanks to St. Kurt, is sitting up at this point just in time to see Jack push his way in the door. "Well, well, Jackie!" John exclaims quietly. Jack puzzles over the odd scene, with John and a semi-nude Kurt on the floor and Katherine huddled under a blanket. "Well, hello all..." says Jack. He turns to the lady of the house. "Katherine, you're well-known for your engaging parlor games, but I must admit I don't recognize this one..." Katherine looks back at him with uncertainty and mild embarrassment. "Yes, well, I'm afraid this one may be more disengaging than some ..." Jack looks to the others, who are nodding blankly. "Will someone PLEASE tell me what's going on?"

Victor and Joshua are sitting in the waiting room at GC Memorial. Suddenly, Detectives Salena Wiley and Warren Bates walk by pushing carts containing Diane and Nikki, each prone but handcuffed. "Excuse me, but what exactly is going on here," Victor says. "These people are under arrest," Salena explains. "Both of them? But why?" Joshua asks, confused. "For the attempted murder of each other." "What? That's the most preposterous thing I've ever heard," Joshua says. "I'm sorry, Dr. Landers. I know it must come as a shock. But it's the only thing that matches the pattern of facts," Detective Bates explains. "The facts?" asks Victor. "Yes, their asparagus at the dinner party was poisoned." "And you think they poisoned each other?" Victor says, still confused. "It's the only explanation," Salena says. Joshua looks at them suspiciously, "Let me get this straight. My wife put poison in the asparagus to poison Diane? And then she ate some of the poisoned asparagus?" "We assume it happened in the other order," explains Bates. "And Nikki?" "Same drill," Bates says. "But they can't both have put the poison in first." "Why not?" asks Bates. "Because that would be stupid," Victor says. "It would mean they'd both be poisoned." "Which they are," Salena observes. "Have you got a better theory?" Bates asks. Victor shakes his head. "No, I don't." "Well, neither have we," Salena chimes in.

As the two detectives start to wheel their suspects away, Victor calls back to them suddenly. "But what about m'boy? Nicholas. Did he eat the asparagus also?" Bates replies, "No, that was just a simple case of food poisoning. Poorly cooked pumpkin pie. We've spoken with his wife about it, and she's promised to use her food replicator from now on--no more hand-made."

That's all for this episode. Hope you learned something. Don't miss Episode 74!
If you missed any older episodes, see the index.

Feedback, good or bad, is always appreciated.