Episode 50, originally published 29-Jun-97

A Breed Apart

Phyllis is in the Diner smoking a cigarette and eating a large ice cream float. "This seat taken," Michael Baldwin asks. She looks up and sees the familiar face. "I was hoping you'd drop by," she says, cheering ever so slightly. "Looks like you need a friend," Michael says. "It does?" she asks. "Yes, you're eating your ice cream with a knife--most people prefer a spoon. Was it still kicking when they brought it to the table?" "Just some wishful voodoo," she says. "Someone causing you problems?" "SomeONE? Ha. Some bug...." Phyllis exclaims. Michael looks intrigued. "Bug? What kind of bug?" "Just an annoying little cricket." "Ah," says Michael. "The everpresent Cricket. That's what I like about these birds I draw, you know. They eat bugs--crickets especially."

Archie, the young gang kid enters St. Kurt's dressed in an expensive business suit and puffing on a cigar. "Can I help you," Hope asks, oblivious to the change in Archie's mode of attire. "Yo, it's me!" "Oh, hello, Archie," Hope says. "Injured again already?" "No way! I was just cruising through on my way out of town--wanted to say good-bye." "You're going on a trip?" Hope asks uncertainly. "Hell no! I'm relocating myself to a place more befitting my recent stroke of good fortune--is the doc around?" "No, he's stepped out," Hope says. "Well, you tell him I wish him well." Archie starts to put a $100 bill into Hope's purse. Finally better prepared, she reaches for her mace, but he stops her. "Hey, Helen Keller, take a note. I ain't robbin' you this time, I'm leavin' you a little goin' away present, ok? So chill and be still." He heads out, leaving Hope fumbling around feeling the bill, trying to work out what denomination it might be.

"It's not really a bug that's causing you this trouble, is it?" Michael asks Phyllis. "Well, she bugs me, but she's not literally a bug. Just in every other way. Her name is Christine Williams." Michael gets a big grin, "Ah, the fair Christine." "You know her? I'm sorry--I don't mean to be impolite--but I just can't deal with another of Christine's friends." She starts to get up. Michael laughs. "Oh, we're not exactly ... no, I think I can say definitively, we're not friends. She got me sent to prison--I just got back out, actually." "Oh, really?" Phyllis says, warming. "Then we were almost neighbors--she seems to have that way with people. I assume whatever the little snitch got you on was blown completely out of proportion." Michael nods. "Completely."

Kurt enters and says "Hi, Hope, I'm back" as he continues to walk directly toward his office. "Look Kurt, Archie brought us a $100 donation." Kurt doesn't turn around but just yells back "Another of his little scams? I hope you didn't take his word for the denomination." "Oh, he didn't tell me, I figured it out on my own." "You did?" "Kurt, you're always assuming we blind women are so helpless. I held it near my portable transistor radio. The metallic threads in those new $50 and $100 bills have a minute effect on the quality of reception, and as a blind person my hearing is especially keen so that's easy for me to spot." "Yeah, but how'd you know it was a $100 and not a $50?" "Oh, you silly--by the pattern of heat distribution, of course. The $100 has a 50% wider darkened area in the corner because it's a three digit number." "You're amazing, Hope," Kurt says. "I'm trying to be," Hope says under her breath as he walks back to his office.

"So what's your big problem of the day?" "That I need to be pregnant." "Urgent?" "Uh, yeah--like yesterday wouldn't be soon enough." "And how exactly does this have anything to do with Christine Williams?" "Because the little witch is the godmother to my first born, and she's determined to show it's not my baby, so she can break up Danny and me." "Danny Romalatti--Christine's ex-husband?" "That's the one. He's my husband now, and I want to keep it that way." "But isn't Christine married now to Paul Williams?" Michael asks. "Look, maybe we're not talking about the same Christine Williams, but the one I'm thinking of would never let anything like honor or wedding vows get in the way of what she wants. It's like she's somebody's little princess and just has to always have things her way." Michael smiles. "No, that's the Christine I know as well. So tell me, why will being pregnant help?" "Because I told Danny I already am..." "In case Christine spills the beans about the first baby?" Michael guesses. "You're really quite perceptive, Mr. Birdman," Phyllis says. "Baldwin, actually. Michael Baldwin. And if there's a Christine Blair Romalatti Williams involved in your conflict, you know you always have an ally in me. In fact, I have just the plan!"

Meg Dennison enters the study at her home to find Keith and Jill sitting on the sofa making cooing noises at each other. She stops cold and gives a disappointed shrug of the shoulders, grunting "oh" at pretty much the same time. "Are we in the way, Meg?" Keith asks. "It's just that you're always in here and I have a report I need to do for school so I need to use the encyclopedia. Could you maybe sometimes hang out in another room?" Keith says, "Well, we have desks in other rooms. Can't you just take the volumes you need and work in another room?" "Dad! Will you get with the modern world? It's bad enough you work for that company where all they use is 286 computers, but now you don't even know what an encyclopedia is?" She points to the books on the wall. "THESE are NOT encyclopedias. THESE are historical relics." Then she goes to a drawer and pulls out a CD-ROM. "THIS is an encyclopedia."

"You want to what? Sleep with me?" Phyllis says suspiciously. "What exactly were you in prison for, anyway?" "Sexual harassment," Michael says meekly. "Of the bug?" Phyllis asks incredulously. "I know. Ludicrous, isn't it? It's hard to imagine how any jury could have believed her view of it. Anyway, here's the way I see it--you let me get you pregnant and Danny is yours forever." "What's in it for you?" "Hey, I just got out of prison, remember? I'll do this one `pro bono'." Phyllis giggles--"I'll just bet you will. But what if someone questions the paternity of this baby?" "Well, first of all they can't do that for a while. And second, when they finally do, we'll work out a cover story to make it all seem plausible..." "I have two babies by two different fathers and then someone does DNA tests to confirm that I've been lying all along about the father. You think we can work out a cover story that will make this all seem plausible?" Phyllis says. "You really should be doing those inspirational audio tapes for religious groups--it's going to take a miracle for that to work."

A man in formal business attire wearing a carnation enters St. Kurt's. "May I help you?" Hope asks. "My, I do hope so," the man says. "I'm afraid I'm suffering a bit from the old gout." "Gout?" she asks. "Rich man's disease, you know." "Yes, I--" Hope starts to say, but Kurt walks out of his office. "What can I help you with, sir?" "Dr. Costner, this man is suffering from gout," Hope explains. "Gout?" "Yes, it's a rich--" Hope starts to say, but she is cut off by Hope. "Yes, I'm aware of that--we just don't see a lot of that around here these days. I'm more up on dressing bullet wounds at the moment--could you perhaps stand out on the porch for a few minutes and come back when you have a more familiar injury?" "Ha, ha. Bit of the old humor there? I enjoy that in a doctor, yes. Well, I daresay you won't be getting much more in the way of bullet wounds around here, now will you? No sirree, I'm afraid I'd be brushing up on treatment for gout now if I were you. Much more dignified, what?" There is a sudden racket that sounds like a huge machine digging up the street and Kurt says, "Uh, could you hold on for one minute while I go to see what that noise is about?" Without waiting for a reply, Kurt races out.

Michael looks at Phyllis, a little disappointed that she doesn't think he can conjure an appropriate story. "Well, I see that my reputation hasn't exactly preceded me," he says. "Let's see now--Danny and Cricket were married quite some time and had no kids, right?" "Right..." "And any sign of kids for Cricket since being with Paul?" "We thought there was for a while, but nothing came of it." Michael ponders this. "An abortion maybe?" he asks himself. "But it means she's got everything in working shape--gives credence to my hunch," he continues to think aloud. "What hunch?" "That Danny is sterile." "Sterile?" she asks. "That's right. You told me you faked the original DNA test, right? Well, tell him you first went to the DNA lab not to fake anything--but to make sure that his DNA wasn't full of bad traits you didn't want to pass along. But to your surprise and dismay, you found out from the test that he was in fact sterile and would have no children... so you tried to spare him the shock and sadness, by having other peoples' babies to cover for it. You tell him of course it was different people each time, since you didn't have any continuing love except for him." "But what if he checks?" "Trust me--I know people. He'll be too proud and embarrassed to mention it to anyone. He couldn't walk into a clinic somewhere and bring himself to explain the problem. He'll take your word for it."

"But what if he doesn't?" Phyllis says worriedly. "It won't come up, but if it does, you have still one other chip you can play, too, even if that falls through." "What's that?" "That prior marriage of Danny's--to a Tracy Abbott, I believe?" "So I've heard." "I happen to know he married Tracy only because she was pregnant--and not by him--so her child wouldn't be born and grow up out of wedlock." "But they broke up." "Yes, because Tracy had a miscarriage. But family is very important to Danny--and not just his own family--but family in general. If it comes down to it, you just get him to focus on that. But it's not going to come to that--trust me--Danny will believe the story that he's sterile... and who knows, maybe he really is." "You're really amazing, Mr. Baldwin." "Michael," he corrects her. "Ok, Michael. You've again given me the confidence that Danny and I can work things out." He smiles. "I'm just trying to help." "So let's go find a place to get me pregnant, shall we?" she asks. "For the sake of my marriage..." she adds. His eyes twinkle. "And to put an end to Christine's meddling," Michael adds. "Absolutely," Phyllis agrees.

And with that the two departed to forge a bond between them that would never be broken, and spawned a soul destined to one day become Christine's greatest nemesis. If it was a boy, it would be named Little David, and if it was a girl, it would be named Little Sheila.

On the street, Victor and Diane are wearing hard hats and stand underneath a small tent. They are pointing at something down the block and speaking to a construction worker, who nods and walks off. "Hello there," Kurt says. Both turn to him. "Aren't you that Kurt Costner fella who owns that free clinic across the street?" Victor asks. Kurt nods. "That's me. What's going on here?" "Well, as you may know, Hope Wilson has been working for you in this godforsaken neighborhood." "Yes, at my clinic." "Right. And I've been very disturbed about her working in such a neighborhood, so I decided to buy--" "It's not for sale." "Oh, I didn't suppose that it would be. But it's quite an asset, you know, a free medical clinic. So I bought all the nearby community and I'm going to turn it into Newman Towers." Kurt is stunned. "Victor! I located here to help the people in the neighborhood." "And you will be helping the people of the neighborhood--it will just be a better crop of people." "But the people who used to live here?" "Well, in a way, you've helped them, too. After all, they're all rich now that I've bought their land." "But Victor, they all lived in apartments--someone's rich but it's not them." "Details, Kurt Costner. You're obviously not cut out to be a business person." "No, Victor, I want to work with the poor. So now I'll just have to work elsewhere." "Will you be taking Hope?" Victor asks. "Why?" Kurt asks suspiciously. "I want Hope to work in a nice neighborhood," Victor says firmly.

Jill looks at the CD-ROM Meg is holding, "Well, great, if that's an encyclopedia, it looks light and easy to carry. You won't have to be coming back for more volumes later." Meg lets out a truly exasperated sigh. "Oh, I'm sorry--I forgot to say: this is an encyclopedia reader." She points to the computer. "The only one we have in the house." Keith laughs. "Well, maybe those books aren't as obsolete as you think, since they can be read from anywhere." "Or MAYBE," Meg says, "We should enter the modern era and get more computers. It's not like you can only have one, you know. Lots of people have them all over their house--maybe even an ethernet." "All right, all right," Keith says. "We'll take it under consideration. Meanwhile, it sounds like it will be cheaper if Jill and I yield to the younger generation and move to another room. This, uh, discussion we were having certainly requires no specialized equipment." Jill nods hungrily. "You're right dear, it can continue in just about ANY room of the house." "Will you two just get out of here before I hurl," Meg pleads.

"Fired? I'm fired?" Hope says to Kurt. "I thought you said my job was secure!" She stops suddenly and sniffs the air. "Wait a minute... it's that perfume again. I know that perfume. Victor's out there with that tart--Diane Jenkins, isn't he? I thought I heard the awful noise of those two kissing through the din of the construction machinery." Kurt shrugs. "Well, I..." "It's her fault, I just know it." "He paid you off, didn't he. You just go out there and tell him the clinic's not for sale." Another man in a business suit enters muttering about `a bout of the old gout'. Hope wacks him across the knees with her cane and says "You think you're the only one with problems, old man?" she rants. "Take a number!"

That evening, Jill wanders into the study looking for Meg but she is nowhere to be found. Thinking it might be tidier to turn off the machine, Jill glances at the screen. She surprises us viewers by figuring out how to click `close' on the encyclopedia window and surprises herself by what she finds underneath. The text of another window reads:

Author's Note: This is a continuation of a plot thread started in Episode 48 and continued in Episode 49. If you haven't read those already, you should go do so now.

  Victor: You really are quite an intriguing lady, aren't you?
  * Careful, you might find I am more than you can handle.
  Victor: That could not be.  I am Victor Newman.
          No challenge is too great.
  * Then I challenge you--meet me tonight.  Private dining room.  9pm.
  Victor: Very well.  I shall take that challenge.
  * And tell your pilot, Wally, to have the jet fueled.  Just in case.
  Victor: You are very sure of yourself aren't you.
  * Promise you'll not back out.  Your word now, or I won't be there.
  Victor: You have Victor Newman's word.  9pm.

Jill stands transfixed. `9pm?' she says to herself. `Could that be Meg? ...and Victor. VICTOR? Maybe another boy she knows from school. But wait--it says Victor NEWMAN, and Wally, and the private jet?' Jill clicks the screen off (probably not really shutting down the computer) and rushes from the house, perhaps to intervene [in a future AWO episode].

That's all for this episode. Hope you learned something. Don't miss Episode 51!
If you missed any older episodes, see the index.

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