Episode 121, originally published 31-Jan-99

Long Overdue

If he delivers Aretha, will Cally finally long to do the big duet with Trey?
Is Jill's maid from hell a long shot, or is Katherine in deep doo-doo?
How long until Victoria and Neil finally see ``I do'' to ``I do''?
Will Tony be along or overdue for the do Meg has planned for him?

The scene opens with Cally in Trey's office. He hands her a drink. "You ready, baby?" "Ready? You mean for that supposed thing with Aretha Franklin tomorrow night?" He shakes his head quickly back and forth, frustrated by her doubt. "No, I don't mean for that--I mean to make love to me--now, tonight." "You're dreaming. Why would I want to do that with you?" "How about because I got you that gig?" "Oh, right. Like it's for real." "If you knew me better, you'd know it is," he says. "Trey, I don't want to know you better. I want not to know you." "The deal is for real," he says, dialing the phone. Then, into it, he says, "Hello, Aretha? Hey, babe--this is Trey. Look, I got Cally Rogers here--she wants to talk to you." Cally starts to wave her hands no, but Trey extends the phone to her. She thrusts her arms straight down in an irked gesture. Then finally she puts one of them out toward the phone.

In the tack room, Cole and Victoria are talking about their pathetic love lives. "I don't know, Cole, I feel like something's not right between me and Neil." "Hey, I can relate," Cole says. "I've been feeling the same about me and Ashley. That's why it's just so wunnerful to have this time to spend with you. I feel so relaxed when I'm around you." "Me, too," she says nervously. He hugs her tight, and they fall onto the bed.

"Hello?" Cally says meekly into the phone. "Is this really you?" In the distance over the phone, we hear some singing. "It is you," Cally says. "And you want me--?" she starts to ask. "Yes, I can be there to help with set up... 4pm? Great. And there's no confusion about this. You want me to open--? Uh, huh. Wow. You bet I'll be there. Thanks. Thank you. Thank you..." she says over and over again, finally handing the phone back to Trey. She stands a moment, dazed. "Cally?" Trey asks, tryin to get her attention. "Cally?" Again, no response. Then, after a long pause she turns to him and says, "It's true. It really was her. And she wants me." "You see, girl? You shouldna doubted me," he says. "Now, do I get to make love with you or what?" She looks at him. "I was wrong about you," she says. "Damn straight," he says. "'Bout time you figured that out." They wander off hand in hand into an adjacent room.

It's morning. Miguel is sitting at a small table in the kitchen drinking the last of a glass of orange juice and reading the paper. "Hey, look at this," he says, pointing to the paper. He turns to face someone who was initially off-camera. It's Veronica, who is still alive [see AWO Episode 108]. "What is it, honey?" she asks, refilling his glass of orange juice. "A job for you." "A job? For me?" she asks, quite surprised. "But I thought you said I'd put everyone through hell and that I shouldn't be working for a while." "Well, yes," says Miguel, "that did seem most appropriate when I said it. But look at this," he says, pointing to the paper, "they're advertising specifically for a maid from hell!" She thinks for a moment. "You know, Miguel, you may be right. It might be good for me to get out of this house once in a while--and I haven't terrorized anyone in several weeks..."

Victoria and Cole are in bed together. "Wow, that was really great," Victoria says. Cole smiles proudly. "I'm just happy I could be there for you," he says. "But what are you going to do about Neil?" "You've given me an idea," Victoria says. "Well, that's what I'm here for," Cole says.

"Come," says Miguel. "I have a present for you--something I've been working on for a while just for such an occasion." Veronica looks puzzled, but follows dutifully. They go down the wall to a small room next to their bedroom. Inside is a small vanity. "You made this for me?" she says excitedly. He nods. "But wait, there's more. Sit at the table." She does, but then she notices a figurine of Nikki Newman from her stripper days; a small scarf-like rag is all that clothes it. "I can do without this," she says. "Don't worry," says Miguel. "You will learn to enjoy it," he says. "Take off the scarf." She looks at him uncertainly. "Miguel, are you sure you don't have just a bit of a fetish about your employer?" "Perhaps I do, but please--indulge me." She removes the scarf and stares at the statue. "So?" she says. "Now strangle it." "What?" "Wrap the scarf around its neck and strangle it." She shrugs and does so. When she does, the door to the room locks and the lighting shifts and finally a wall to one side slides back revealing considerably more shelving, mirrors, and other equipment, storing dozens of wigs and other disguise items. Veronica looks excited. "I have to strangle Nikki every time I want to get to this other stuff?" she asks. He nods. "Will that be hard to remember?" Veronica smiles. "No, I like it. But I may wear out the controls doing it too often," she says. Then she moves to the wigs. She tries one and seems pleased with how dumpy it makes her look. "What do you think?" she says, modeling it for Miguel. "It looks awful." "Excellent," she says. "Now I just need a name. Do you have any suggestions?" "Surely," Miguel says. "Perfect," she says. "Hmm?" "Shirley. Perfect. Shirley, the maid from Hell."

In Neil's office, Victoria enters and closes the door. Neil looks up and sees her. "Hey there," he says. "You look serious--what's up?" "Well, I've been spending time with Cole, and--" "Uh, oh," says Neil, becoming suddenly concerned. "I can see where this is headed. Fires are still burning with him?" She blushes. "You might say that. Look, Neil, I want us to have that, too, but--" "But you don't think it's going to happen." "No, I do--" "You do?" "Of course I do, Neil. I want you and me to be happy like Cole and me. It's just that I need--" "What is it, baby? What do you need? Just tell me baby--what do you need in order for us to click?" "It might seem silly. But I'm pretty sure I'm right." "Hey, as long as we're together--why would I fuss over the details." "Ok, here goes. I want a divorce." "A divorce? But we're not even married." "Yeah," she says apologetically. "And you want a divorce?" "Look, Neil, I don't think marriages do it for me. They're just a lot of headache. The guys I really get along with are those I'm divorced from. So let's just skip the marriage thing and go straight to divorce court, what do you say?"

At the Chancellor household, "Shirley" (Veronica) is talking to Jill. "You don't look like a maid from hell," Jill says. "I promise you--there's more to me than meets the eye," she says. "At my last job--well, let's just say no one suspected me." "So you've done this before?" "Sort of. In fact, that's a little bit of a problem. They're still after me for that one." "For an encore?" "To lock me up, actually. I'm afraid I did my part just a little too well." Jill smiles. "There is no way you could do your part too well here. Over the top is perfect. All I care is that Katherine Chancellor is out of this house. Dead or alive, if you catch my drift. And don't worry about that previous job. If you can pull this off, I'll buy whatever judges you need to wipe your record clean..."

Late in the afternoon, Trey and Cally are pulling up in a car in front of Aretha Franklin's house. "Strange her wanting to meet here at her house instead of at the concert hall," Cally says. Trey shrugs. "You're not doubting it's her house, though, are you?" Cally checks a piece of paper from her pocket. "No, I looked her up on the Internet. This is her house." "They have that kind of information on the Internet?" Cally nods. "They have what you ate for breakfast if you look hard enough. Anyway, wish me luck." "You know I do," Trey says. Then he pulls away. She goes up to the door of Aretha's house, where a man comes out and she explains something to him, then we see him nod and she disappears inside.

Nikki is sitting on the couch in a slinky black dress that shows a lot of cleavage and has a little string criss-crossing in the front. "Señora?" Miguel asks, crossing the room to the ever-present water pitcher. She looks up. "Yes, Miguel, what is it?" she asks with just a slight hint of impatience. "I was just wondering if you needed anything. Perhaps you've gotten hungrier and are ready for dinner now?" He crosses to fill her glass, but seeing it's already full he shrugs and takes the pitcher back to where it was. She looks at the clock. "No, I'm no hungrier than I was five minutes ago when you asked me the last time. Besides, I'm waiting for Victor to come home." "Yes, Señora," he says.

At Tony's house, the usual incongruous mix of people has been assembled to make enough people for a party: Sharon, Nick, Cassie, Grace, Trisha, Ryan, and Jay. (No one asks why Meg has a key. You shouldn't either.) They are gathered around in party hats and carrying noisemakers. A big banner across the ceiling says "Welcome Back, Tony!" Meg peers out the window as there is the roar of a motorcycle outside. "Wait, wait wait," she says, "here he comes." Someone switches off the lights and all are quiet. The door opens, and a shadowdy figure enters. Everyone yells "Surprise!" as the lights come on.

In the kitchen of Aretha Franklin's house, Cally is exploding as the butler tries to attach an apron to her. "You want me to what??" she asks, taking the apron in her hand and scrunging it up as she talks. "To open," the butler explains to her. "Just as it says here in your contract." "I got that part," she says. "But what's the part after that?" "Bottles. Bottles of wine for our guests," he says. "It doesn't say that here." "We didn't know whether it would be wine or champagne, so we didn't specify." "I'm not doing it." "You did sign a contract, young lady. I'm afraid if you don't do it, we'll send someone to enforce it." "Enforce how?" "Well, you won't be allowed to open bottles in anyone else's establishment either." She fumes for a moment. "This was all some sort of plot by Trey," she mutters, "to get me away from Gina's. It wasn't enough that I couldn't sing--he wanted me not to wait tables either! And I don't get to sing here either, I suppose?" The butler shakes his head. "I'm gonna kill that man," she says, throwing the apron at the butler and storming toward the door. The butler is unperturbed. "As you wish. Will you return in time for dinner?" he asks. "Give Aretha my apologies, but tell her I won't be able to `open' with her because I'll be `mopping the floor' with a dear friend of mine," she replies. And she leaves.

Celebration gives way to confusion as everyone sees that it's not the familiar face of Tony that has entered. "Hello?" Meg asks, confused. "Hi, doll," says "Tony". "You must be Meg," he says, grabbing her and trying to kiss her. Meg pushes him away. "Who are you?" Tony looks at her. "It's me! Tony!" Meg takes off her party hat. "I don't think so." Sharon walks back and forth, sizing him up. "You don't look like Tony," she says. Cassie is likewise suspicious. "What's my nickname?" she asks. Tony thinks. "Walnut?" She frowns. "Hazelnut?" Cassie takes off her party hat, too. "This is stupid," she says, going to Sharon. "Mom, can we go home? I thought it was supposed to be Tony who was coming home."

Across town at the Newman Ranch, Victor enters to find Miguel in the living room filling Nikki's water glass. "Victor!" Nikki squeals excitedly as she runs to him. Miguel slips quietly out to leave them privacy. Over his shoulder as she hugs him, Nikki says to Victor, "You took so long to come home, I was about to give up on you." "Well, if I'd known the kind of reception that was waiting for me, I'd have been home much sooner you know." "Victor, I hug you ever day when you come home." "Yes, but this dress--you don't wear that dress every day... I don't think I've ever seen this one before." She looks surprised. "Victor, I wear this dress quite often," she starts to protest. Then she looks down at it. "Oh, my," she blushes. "Victor, I put it on backwards this morning--these straps are supposed to be in the back. No WONDER Miguel was in here every five minutes to fill my water glass since I put it on late this afternoon!"

Cricket brings two mugs of hot chocolate in to where Paul is doing some paperwork at the dining room table. It is late at night. "Paul, I was thinking about this thing with Alice. What if she comes after Cassie?" "Well, she might. But what can you do?" "There's only one thing I can do. Confront her." "But she's in Madison." "Then there's only one thing I can do." "And that is?" "Go to Madison."

"Ok, ok," says "Tony" to the crowd Meg has assembled as his house. "So I'm not really the hunk you were expecting." Everyone is busy putting on their coats to leave, but they turn back to hear this. "The truth is--your precious Tony's been kidnapped by friends of mine and they're holding him hostage." "Hostage?" "That's right, hostage. They want a billion dollars or you'll never see him again." Meg frowns. "But I don't have a billion dollars. Even Dad doesn't have a billion dollars." Sharon looks to Nick, who gives a "me either" shrug. "So what happens now, then?" Meg asks. "Well," explains the imposter "Tony", "I guess you're stuck with me until you come up with some scheme to pay the money."

At Gina's, Jack and Phyllis are having dinner. As Gina tries to take their order, a waiter walks up and says, "Excuse me, Miss Roma, but a local banker has just been held up at gunpoint elsewhere in town." She nods. "Thank you," she says. "Now, where were we?" "I was just ordering the wine," Jack says. "Of course, and you'd like--" Just then, another waiter walks up. "Excuse me, Gina, but a cat was trapped in a tree three blocks from here and is now being rescued by the fire department." Gina nods and says, "Where--" "The wine," says Jack impatiently. "Ah, yes," Jack says. "Why do you put up with that?" Phyllis asks. Gina smiles. "Well, I know it seems silly, but you just never know when--" Another waiter walks up and says, "A local fashion photographer has been rushed to the hospital." "You see?" Gina says. She pulls out her calculator and does some numbers. "My goodness, there's a 0.13% chance that could be Malcolm. Excuse me, you two, I have to run over to the hospital and be sure. I'm sure one of the other waiters will be happy to serve you."

Back at the Williams house, Paul pleads, "But, Chris, you can't go to Madison. It's ten o'clock at night. There won't be any planes out until tomorrow." "Then there's only one thing I can do." "And that is?" "Build my own." "Chris, you can't build a whole plane--it takes thousands of people." "Well, then there's only one thing I can do." "And that is?" "Have kids." "Chris, even if you have kids, you won't be able to have them in time. You need a plane out tonight." "Well, then there's only one thing I can do." Paul sighs. "And what is that?" "Fly to Switzerland. Children grow up faster there." "But you don't have a plane." "Well, then there's only one thing I can do." "And that is?" "Build my own plane." Paul looks at his watch. "I'm going to head off to bed. I have an early appointment in the morning. You have fun with your late-night projects."

Later that evening, back at the Newman Ranch, Veronica arrives through the back entrance. "Hola, Amor," Miguel says to her, surprised but goofy with happiness. He kisses her. "I did not expect you," he says. "I snuck away. I'm not sure I'm going to be able to do this job. I'm up against a professional." "A professional assassin? I don't believe it. There cannot be one better than you, my love," Miguel says insistently. "No, not a professional assassin--a professional actor. That maid--Esther. She's such a hapless character. There's no way she's a real maid. I think she was hired by Katherine Chancellor just to pretend to be a maid, and to drive others out of the house. The problem is that my style is to work slowly--I need time to drive people crazy. But that woman Esther, she's able to do it much more quickly. I don't know how she does it, but it's effective--I'm not sure I'll be able to last long enough to drive Katherine crazy!"

At the hospital, Cally, Gina, Olivia, Neil, and Victoria are gathered around Malcolm's bed, arguing between bickering over who should be there and asking Olivia what his condition is. "It's difficult to say," Olivia explains yet again. "With a head injury, it could go either way," she says grimly. "He could sit up and talk to us like nothing had happened ... or he could suddenly die." She sobs, as everyone jockeys for a good view of his suffering. Just then, he stirs. Olivia pulls rank and says that as a doctor, she must be alone with him to do her work. They file dutifully out, and she leans in. "Malcolm? Can you hear me?" He looks up at her and says, "Where's Cally? I want Cally." Olivia stares at him. "Cally?" she says. "What did you say? Cally!?!? I'm your wife. I'm your doctor. I hold your life in my hands? And you ask for Cally??" The camera cuts to outside the room as she comes out soberly. They all push past her and she stands outside, facing out. Inside, we hear Victoria says, "Geez, he looks a lot worse than he did a few minutes ago. He must be really deteriorating." Victoria notes. "Not any more," Olivia says back over her shoulder. "He's dead." All reflexively take a little step back in horror. "Oh, ick. Nice of you to tell us," Cally says with a mix of sarcasm and irritation. "You didn't ask," Olivia says coldly. Neil comes out and hugs her from behind. "I'm sure you gave it everything you could," he says. Olivia nods and whispers bitterly. "Oh, you bet I did, Neil. I really let him have it."

Still later, at the Williams household. Cricket is working on plans for a fighter jet. Suddenly, the phone rings. "Hello?" On the other end we see it's Martha Stewart. "I'm sorry to bother you so late, but I'm short ideas for my show tomorrow, and I was wondering if--" Cricket just hangs up without responding. "I wish that woman would stop calling me," she says wearily. "I'm tired of her taking credit for all my good ideas. Well--there's only one thing I can do: make my own TV show."

That's all for this episode. Hope you learned something. Don't miss Episode 122!
If you missed any older episodes, see the index.

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